Lean On Me
by ReddTwilight
Summary: Two lost souls at the same emotional standstill in their lives. Will they be able to find support from each other, or will they let inner turmoils destroy a relationship that could heal them both?
1. Two Lost Souls

**Chapter 1, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

For the last twelve years I've had countless numbers of counselors, friends, elders and whoever the fuck else all ask me the same question over and over:

How does it feel to grow up without a mother?

Maybe not that _exact_ question, but pretty much something along those lines. My father put me in counseling when I six after a bad episode of depression. But I grew out of it over time; he didn't. My father, the doctor, was the one who needed counseling.

It took time and a little medication, but by my freshman year of high school I had finally returned to some state of "normal" in my mind. Adolescence was tough for me, to an extreme. With my father working, literally, 24/7 I had no one around the house to keep me company. I spent the time with my friends and as a result we've formed a close, tight circle with each other.

I had no one around to answer my awkward questions throughout my teenage years, and it would have been easy to ask my father, if he was home. He was too busy keeping his mind occupied with other people so he didn't hit a downward spiral the moment he walked through the front door.

At least he didn't drink.

But I did.

Childhood was even harder. He would leave me with a friend's family for the day, or drop me off in the hospital's daycare. During those early years he would be home every night to take care of me like a good parent, but the moment I turned thirteen he deemed me capable of taking care of myself.

For the first years of my teenage life I was an impeccable child with all honor grades and high participation marks. I didn't want to endanger the trust my father had bestowed upon me. But to me this wasn't what I wanted. I just wanted to be me, not someone my father would have wanted, because if I was being honest with myself I was doing all of that just to earn his recognition.

And I never got it.

So freshman year of high school I changed everything, except my grades. I maintained my straight A's for a chance at an Ivy League College, but I didn't join the clubs I had been a prominent member of in junior high. Instead I picked up baseball along with two of my closest friends who were the only brothers I would ever have.

I started going to a lot of parties on the weekends, sometimes I stayed out all night and jackassed around while trying not to get into trouble or get caught. I became very good at baseball, calling on my talents from Little League when I was younger, and by junior year I was both captain and on the varsity team along with Emmett and Jasper.

I was shocked when Jasper wasn't picked for captain, he was easily the best player on the team and really knew how to rile everyone up before a big game, but he pulled me aside one day and explained to me that he wasn't the natural leader that I was. He was just really good at giving pep talks. Deep down he knew I was the one that could lead the team to State.

There have been days where Jasper's comment was the one thing to get me out of bed and keep living. It gave me purpose and I knew it wouldn't be much longer until I could get away, hopefully with both him and Emmett, and just keep moving on with my life.

Senior year, my last year in hell, and I can't wait for it to be over. I've been waiting all summer to start and I'm counting the days to June. This is going to be another year filled with mountains of homework to keep my mind occupied when I'm not playing baseball, and eating homemade lunches that I make myself.

By the end of the first week I had fallen into my typical daily pattern. After classes ended for the day I was meeting Emmett and Jasper to hang out for a while before we would wind up at my house or either of theirs to throw baseballs at a pitchback.

After stopping at my locker to gather the usual necessities for the weekend I made my way out back to the senior lot, ignoring all the chatter around me, all the stares I was used to getting since freshman year. Since I changed. I had gone from being the most responsible kid to the one who no longer gave a fuck. It's earned me a reputation and certain kinds of looks.

"Where the hell have you been?" Emmett called from his jeep, one hand up in exasperation. "How long does it take you to get none of the books you're actually going to study from?"

I flipped him off and threw my bag into the back of his jeep before settling against the side of "The Beast" and pulling out my Menthols.

"You have to quit that." Jasper reminded me for the trillionth time since I had started.

"You want me to beat your face in?" I threatened back.

"Dude, chill. Go on, smoke your little cancer stick and calm the fuck down." He clapped me on the shoulder just as I was trying to light up, and I missed. I threw him another dirty look and tried again. I could feel my entire body relaxing after the first pull.

School in general just pissed me off.

"You ready yet?" Emmett asked as I finished off my first cigarette for the day.

"Yeah, I'm cool now."

"Good, let's go. I've got some extra energy to work off after staring at that hot blonde in my trig class." Emmett jumped up into the driver's seat and started the engine.

I heard some laughing behind me and a name being called. It wasn't the usual laughing, it was the teasing kind. I turned to see where it was coming from and my eyes fell on a brunette with her head bowed forward, hiding behind her books. She was walking away from the group that was laughing. I saw some fingers and glances pointing in her direction.

She stopped at an old Chevy pickup that looked like it belonged in a junkyard. She tossed her books into the cab and then jumped up slamming the door shut. Just as she buckled her belt her head whipped to the side and I caught a glance at her face.

It was Bella Swan, the only girl in school who could possibly have an understanding as to how I felt.

Her mother had run off with another man when she was just three-years-old. It had left her father broken and nearly incapable of caring for his only daughter, but from the stories I had heard he had managed to stay strong for her and raise her in a comfortable household with enough love and devotion, just as my father had raised me.

I guess over time, though, her father had broken down again. As far as I knew today Bella was independent, even if she still lived in the same house. I knew she had a job as a waitress at the one diner in town, she was looking into an east coast college, and her father slept at his job more than he did at home.

I looked back up at Bella when I heard the God-awful sound of her ancient engine starting up, and more laughs followed the noise. I caught one last glance of her as she backed out of the lot. Her eyes were so sad and distant. I didn't even know the girl personally and I felt my heart wrench for her. I watched her drive off ignoring the insults that Emmett was currently throwing at me.

I would have to talk to Bella on Monday, we were in almost all of the same classes anyway.

Basically being alone all of these years has established within me a sense of protection over others in positions similar to mine. I've been able to recognize similar signs in people that I know and try to talk them through hard times, explain to them that they need to be patient, just get up everyday. It's hard, it's not a preferred lifestyle, but it is manageable.

So of course when I see someone being given a hard time over such a situation, naturally I want to step in and be defensive. No one should have to go through shit like that alone.

Come Monday after school I was sitting on a bench outside in the sun waiting for Emmett and Jasper so we could go to the batting cages and get some practice in. I pulled my Menthols out of my pocket to check and make sure I wasn't out when I heard some yelling and looked down the walkway.

A group of girls from the cheerleading squad along with their trash football boyfriends were getting in some brunette's face, the same brunette I had seen a few days ago being taunted as she walked to her truck.

_Bella_.

By the gestures being thrown around they were berating the poor girl for her clothing. Why they would be giving her a hard time about her fashion choice I would never know. I thought she always looked good, and I had been tempted on more than one occasion to ask her out, but to me she always seemed too serious to want to date. I sat there pretending to mind my own business. I knew Bella was tough. She had taken Mike Newton down once for grabbing her tits at a dance. But I kept one ear trained, my defensive nature starting to flare up. I had wanted to talk to her after seeing her Friday afternoon, but I had lost my courage and let the opportunity pass me by.

Not today.

"What the fuck is this, Bella?" the blonde accused, gesturing up and down to the dark skinny jeans, t-shirt and Converse that Bella was wearing today. Was there something wrong with that?

"Why do you have a problem with it now, Jessica, this is what I've been wearing for years?" Bella shot back.

"You're a fucking senior now, Bella, stop dressing like an eighth-grader."

"Why don't you stop dressing like a slut?"

Jessica laughed mockingly, and then grabbed Bella's books from her hands and threw them to the ground. "You're such a loser, Swan, no wonder your mother left. I would be embarrassed of you, too."

Oh no that whore did not just play that card.

I jumped up and walked over fiercely, immediately standing over Jessica and stared her down. "You got a fucking problem?"

"Fuck off, Cullen, this isn't your business." Lauren Mallory spat at me. "We're not doing anything except trying to teach the lonely swan some real fashion sense."

I turned my death glare back to Jessica, pleased to see her cower backwards a little into Newton. "Don't you ever say shit like that to her again. It's _not_ funny, and it's _not_ cool. How would you feel if your mother left you behind without so much as a goodbye?"

"Pssh, whatever, Edward. Have at her, nobody cares about her anyway. Not even her own father." Jessica looked down to Bella with a smug grin before flipping her fake hair over her shoulder and stalking off with the rest of the trash.

I crouched down and started to help Bella pick up her books, trying to make eye contact with her, but she was deftly avoiding my gaze. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Don't be. You didn't need to get involved, but…thank you." She looked up finally, unleashing on me the most beautiful brown, albeit sad, eyes I had ever seen. "Thanks for coming to my rescue, that's more than anyone has ever done for me."

"You're welcome." I smiled at her and handed her the books I had picked up before reaching for more.

"Shit," Bella cursed low under her breath as I reached for a battered novel that had fallen in a puddle. "Damn, that was my favorite." I handed over the soaked copy of _Wuthering Heights_ with an apologetic look. "My mom's favorite, too."

"Sorry," I said again.

"I'll try and save it." She looked up at me again with a small smile and we stood together. "Thanks again for the help." She mumbled as she packed away all of her books in her messenger bag. I caught a glimpse of some of the patches she had safety-pinned all over the outside.

There were different bands, I recognized a lot of my favorites, there was a patch about vampires, and one about sex. And she also had a plethora of pins. "You're a Happy Bunny fan?"

Bella looked at me perplexed as she shut her bag and then dropped her gaze to it, and her expression turned to that of recognition as she smiled brightly at her pin collection. "Oh, yeah. I love Happy Bunny."

"This one is funny." I said reaching out to finger a teal square-shaped pin that had Happy Bunny on it smiling stupidly and below it said, "it's not my fault you're dumb"

"That's my favorite, and this one." She showed me a pink square pin with a yellow bunny on it, paws over its smiling mouth. The caption read, "hey you made me throw up a little".

I laughed out loud and took a moment to check out the rest of her pins and patches. I was learning more about this girl in five minutes by checking out her bag than I had in the last five years in the limited conversations we had shared in classes. Apparently there were many levels to Bella Swan no one knew about. And no one had ever cared to discover them. I had always wanted to and, if she gave me the chance, now I could.

"Are you doing anything this afternoon?" She asked once I stopped commenting on her band patches.

"I'm supposed to go to the batting cages with Emmett and Jasper, but they have yet to show and I'm beginning to suspect that I've been stood up."

"Want to come back to my place? I'll make you dinner." I watched as she drew her bottom lip into her mouth, nibbling it in the most adorable, nervous way.

I wasn't quite sure how to answer her, even though I always went with my gut instinct. This time I doubted it. Bella watched me as I turned my response over in my head for a minute. The idea of a home cooked meal sounded tempting. I hadn't had one since July when I went over to Jasper's for a Fourth party his parents were throwing and I gorged myself on the most delicious barbeque I had ever tasted.

"Sure," I said simply, after nearly a full minute had passed between us. I was instantly rewarded with a brilliant smile from Bella. I knew it was in part that I said yes, but I knew it was more so because she was excited at the prospect of not being alone today.

I was too.

"It's not much, but I keep it clean." Bella stated as we walked through the front door. "You can just leave your stuff by the door." She dropped her messenger bag and kicked off her Converse. I followed suit dropping my backpack and kicking of my own sneakers.

"Want a quick tour?" She turned to me shutting the door.

"Sure,"

Bella surprised me then by grabbing my hand and starting to lead me through the house. I knew it shouldn't have, but the electricity and warmth of her touch shocked me. I wasn't expecting that.

"This is the kitchen. Only I use it so it's pretty sterile in here." She gestured to the room we were standing in front of with yellow cabinets and a white linoleum floor that I could probably eat off of. "Living room," Bella continued as we ventured further into the house. "That door leads to the back deck."

"My dad's room is through that door, I only go in there to pick up once or twice a week. He's hardly ever home so…" her voice trailed off and I picked up on the sadness in it. All of this time she had been suffering alone, with no one to help her or be there for her or _with_ her for that matter. I had my close circle of friends who lead to an extended family of sorts, and she had no one. It wasn't fair.

_Well, she could have me. If she wanted me_

"My room is upstairs, and the bathroom. And that's it."

"Can I see your room?" I blurted out without thinking.

"It's a bit of a mess. It's the only room in the house I tend to neglect. That and the laundry room." Bella laughed uneasily fiddling with her brown locks.

"I don't care. I want to know more about you."

Bella studied my expression for a moment before pulling her bottom lip into her mouth to chew on it once more. It was so endearing. Her lip was pink with color when she let it go.

"Ok, but you were warned." She smirked at me and proceeded to lead me up the stairs where she stopped at a door that had a Biohazard sign hanging on it. "See, a disaster area." She gestured to the sign before pushing the door open slowly.

"No, I like it, it's lived in."

Bella huffed a laugh and sat down on her bed as she tried to shove some dirty laundry under the unmade sheets. I continued to look around completely shocked with what I was being met with. I had expected from the years I've known her for Bella Swan's bedroom to be a yellow color, white sheets on a four-poster bed with a frilly bed skirt, maybe some inspirational posters about teamwork and achievement, and a DNA model on her desk.

Instead I was met with light blue walls, black curtains, a full-size bed adorned with purple sheets, no bed skirt and a plethora of mismatched throw pillows. Her walls were a mural of band posters.

"Nice collection." I said approvingly. I noticed on her desk was a model of a raven including some small posters of Shakespeare and Edgar Allan Poe above it.

"You say that about everything I own." Bella quipped, pulling one of her throw pillows into her lap.

"You have good taste."

"Thanks," She nervously pushed a lock of dark brown hair behind her ear and I caught site of some piercings. They didn't go all the way up her ear, but she had four in her lobe and two in her cartilage.

I walked across the space and sat down beside her on the bed. Bella kept her eyes in her lap, wringing her hands on top of the throw pillow. "You ok?" I reached over placing my hand on hers.

"Yeah, I've just never brought a guy over. I usually go to his house instead of him coming here. Guess I'm just embarrassed." Bella shrugged nonchalantly and glanced up at me.

"There's more to it than that, Bella."

She took a deep breath and picked absentmindedly at her pillow, her eyes roaming the room without actually seeing anything. "I'm not used to having another person in this house. It feels weird, like out of my element weird." She got up letting the pillow drop to the floor and made her way across the sea of dirty clothes to her dresser where she yanked the top drawer open and pulled out a pack cigarettes.

"You have to be kidding me." I said incredulously as I stood up. Bella shook her head and pulled a cigarette from her pack lighting it up. She crossed the room and opened the window, standing by it as she took a few pulls.

"I'm _not_ kidding, actually." Bella looked over at me, her eyes desolate. "I come home from school everyday, smoke a little, and then I go about my chores and homework. I don't have much of a social life, and when I do get involved in it, these are always with me. I've been alone for so long it's unnerving to be around people. But I'm trying." She smiled at me sadly and finished off her cigarette before flicking the butt out the window and crossing the room to sit back down next to me.

"You go to parties, though, right? I've seen you at the few I've attended over the years." She asked me a moment later.

"Yeah, I'll make an appearance here and there. I go really just to hang out with my friends. We usually cut out early and go back to my place to get really wasted and just play Xbox all night, or until we pass out."

"Sounds invigorating," Bella threw me a teasing smile.

"Well, what do you do for fun?" I challenged.

"Blast my music."

"And…"

"Sing and dance around my room. What?" Bella glared at me.

"Most people won't admit things like that."

Bella got up off her bed and started walking around, avoiding my eyes. "I like to think that I'm not like most people. Want some music?"

"Sure,"

_Geez, did I have any other kind of answer?_

Bella smirked and walked over to her desk opening her Mac and pulled up iTunes. I watched her as she bent over her desk chair, my eyes drifting more so toward how her jeans hugged her perfect little ass than to what music she was selecting.

"Could you have picked a more appropriate song?"

"I don't have a bad reputation." Bella stated, her lower lip pouting just a tiny bit.

"I meant you don't give a shit what people think about you."

"That's true."

I sat there in a kind of daze watching this beautiful girl as she started picking up dirty clothes while swaying her hips and mouthing the words to the song. She dumped all of her laundry in a black hamper in the corner before kicking random objects around the room to where she wanted them.

She sat back down next to me, satisfied with her work and offered me a smile. "Does it look better?"

I gulped. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. "The view from here is great." I choked out.

Bella's eyes widened a little as she recognized exactly what I was saying. "Oh," An awkward silence passed between us and for a moment I thought Bella might actually ask me to leave, but she got up and went back over to her computer and scrolled through her music looking for something.

I got up a moment later and crossed the room stopping just a foot away from her. Finally settling on some songs she stood up and turned, gasping when she realized I was right behind her.

"Bella," I reached up to cup her cheek, my fingers slowly working their way back through her hair.

Her eyes started to close as I moved my fingers along her cheekbone, a soft sigh escaping her lips. I started to lean in towards her, my other hand reaching out to take her waist and gently pull her closer. The motion caused Bella to open her eyes slightly. She let out another surprised breath, but she shut her eyes and let me settle my hand on the small of her back as the other wrapped around and cupped the back of her neck.

"Edward, I…I don't…" she whispered, her fingers curling into the collar of my shirt. Our noses brushed lightly, mouths barely half an inch apart. I closed the space between us brushing my lips softly against hers but not kissing her. Not yet.

"Edward...I'm sorry, I can't."

I opened my eyes and gazed down into her apologetic ones, shining with moisture.

"Can I at least ask why?"

"I just can't."

Bella slipped out of my embrace then and walked back over to her bed sitting down on it heavily. I followed and sat down beside her, reaching over and taking her hand. "I'm sorry, Edward." She repeated quietly.

"Don't be," I wrapped my arm around her. "I think I understand."

"I think you do, too. And I think you'll understand when I ask if we can just be friends."

"I can do that. I _want_ to do that."

She lifted her beautiful gaze to me and reached up cupping the side of my face stroking the lines of my cheekbones and the hollows around my eyes from a recent lack of sleep. "I still want to cook you dinner, hungry?"

As if my stomach had actually heard her, it grumbled loudly making us both laugh out loud effectively breaking the awkwardness. "I think that's a yes. What are you going to cook for me?"

"Real Italian, does that sound good?"

My stomach growled again.


	2. So Cold

**Chapter 2, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**BPOV**

The moment I heard someone walking over as Jessica and Angela twisted the knife they had stabbed into my heart harder, I had to look down to the ground. I couldn't let whomever it was see the pain etched into my face. I had worked too hard building up the armor to have a chink so easily made. And then I heard the voice of an angel over me, standing up and defending me. Something I had never expected.

I bent down to start collecting my books as the voice over me told Jessica and the rest of the garbage to shove it, and then she said something completely unforgiveable. I held back a cry as her words sliced me right through my soul. I could feel my armor faltering and I scrambled internally to repair it before the person who had come to my rescue could see me falling apart.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." The male voice said gently as he crouched down next to me and started to help me gather my books.

I told him not to be, that he didn't need to get involved. Up until this point I still hadn't looked up to see who my knight in shining armor was, and my breath caught in my throat when I realized I was looking into the same sad eyes that I knew I had. Except where mine were brown, Edward Cullen's were green. Impossibly green and beautiful. Just like the rest of him.

I thanked him awkwardly for helping me as he reached for one of my books that had fallen in a puddle. I cursed when I realized it was my favorite novel. The same novel I had been holding onto and reading over and over for years hoping my mother would come back for it. It had been her favorite as well.

Edward helped me to my feet and we exchanged some comments about all of the patches and pins on my bag, sharing a laugh here and there. It was the first time I had laughed in a long time. Funny how it was Edward Cullen who brought it out in me. The only person in this shithole town who may have had an inkling about how tough my life was. His was similar, only his mother had not left him by choice.

I invited him over to make him dinner, barely able to stop myself before the words were out of my mouth. I don't know why I offered, but I was somewhat glad that I suddenly did so. I didn't want to be alone this afternoon. The worst thing I could do was be alone after the shit that had just gone down with Jessica and Lauren.

I watched as Edward hesitated for a moment before finally agreeing to come over for the afternoon. I showed him around the house and he asked if he could see my room. I was nervous to show it to him only because I hadn't cleaned it in about two weeks and my dirty laundry was everywhere.

He didn't pass judgment or laugh at my obvious unkemptness as his eyes perused my walls taking in all of my band posters and other odds and ends. I loved my bedroom. It was my cave of sanctuary. I tried shoving some of my thongs and bras under the unmade sheets of my bed before Edward could see. We made light conversation for a minute or two before I admitted I was just uncomfortable with having someone else in the house for the first time in God knew how long.

I got up and grabbed my Menthols from my dresser and went to stand by the window so I could smoke and unwind for a minute.

When I returned to sit next to him on the bed we sat there in awkward silence again for a couple of minutes before I got up to put some music on and I started trying to make my room look presentable. When I asked Edward what he thought of my cleaning abilities he startled me with his answer.

"The view from here is great," He whispered, his eyes boring into mine, and I knew he wasn't talking about my now visible floor. I turned back to my laptop to switch the music around to something lighter, and when I turned back Edward was standing right behind me.

It was a moment before he leaned down and tried to kiss me, barely brushing his lips against mine as his hand settled on the small of my back pulling me closer to him. I could feel his burgeoning erection against my stomach, but that wasn't what made me pull back from him.

I've never been good at letting people in, and I didn't want to start now. I couldn't. Not when I was so screwed up in my head. Not when I knew I didn't deserve it. I tried to explain to Edward that I was grateful for what he had done for me this afternoon, but I could only be friends with him. At least for now, but I didn't add that part. I didn't want to give him any false hope. I could tell he was disappointed, but I knew that feeding a hungry man always cheered him up so I asked him if he would like dinner, and his stomach rumbled making us both laugh and lightening the awkward tension between us.

After I cleaned up all the dishes from the spaghetti and garlic bread I had prepared for us I told Edward good night and that I would see him around. He thanked me profusely for such an astounding meal, having stuffed himself and actually moaning as he ate my cooking.

I waved goodbye watching him drive off in his Volvo down the street. I had no idea where in Forks he lived, but I doubt it would be in any of the small houses like mine. His father was the head surgeon at the hospital so I was sure he lived in a small mansion at the least. I felt bad for him. His father worked ridiculously long hours, just like mine did, which meant Edward had that entire empty house to himself for stretches of time I'm sure he wished he didn't.

I stayed up late that night finishing my homework and getting ahead on the novel we were reading in my English class. I was waiting up for my dad, whom I knew wouldn't be home before 2 AM if I was lucky, and I would have to get up again only four hours after that. I made it to chapter 5 in _1984_ before passing out from sheer boredom over the novel. I never heard my father come home, and when my alarm went off in the morning I checked out the window to see if his cruiser was in the driveway. It wasn't.

I showered, dressed, and packed my bag for the day then headed downstairs for some breakfast. His boots weren't by the door, no gun hanging up. When I poked my head into his room I noticed the bed was still made the way I had left it yesterday morning. He wasn't sleeping on the couch either. He had never come home last night.

As usual.

I didn't invite Edward over again after that night. I saw him around school, but I knew what a gossip mill this place was and if a girl so much as waved and smiled at a guy, suddenly they were fucking each other. I didn't need that kind of attention and neither did Edward. We both preferred to remain in the shadows. It was easier to hide your pain when no one could see it to begin with.

I assumed Edward had the same idea, since whenever he saw me he would glance at me, as whatever conversation he was having with his friends continued, and then he would turn back to them. It didn't bother me one bit, and being completely honest I could be friends with him without acknowledging him in school.

I woke up on Friday morning, almost a week after he had come over, dreading the day. It was my eighteenth birthday today. I hated my birthday. Every September since I turned five I hated my birthday.

My mother had left on my third birthday.

My dad told me once when I was younger that my mother had made some excuse about needing to go out for something, and then never came back. I have no memory of the day. The first birthday I remember was my fifth, and my dad had been very solemn as he presented me with my one gift and a single cupcake that he had purchased at the grocery store. It had not been a fun day for me, and I learned then to hate my birthdays.

Every year until I turned thirteen Charlie made the effort to say 'happy birthday' and get me something small. In recent years, though, money had been tight and he would at least wish me a happy birthday if nothing else.

I padded downstairs in my socks and my favorite plaid button down and jeans, my Converse by the door waiting for me next to my messenger bag. I could hear Charlie moving around in his bedroom, so I made us each a bowl of cereal and sat down waiting for him to come out. When the door opened I looked up to see him already shrugging his coat on and he walked right over to where his gun was hanging up by the door. He strapped it around his waist without looking twice at the breakfast I had made and mumbled that he would see me later before walking out the door.

I felt my tears already falling before the door shut behind him. He had forgotten completely. The only thing that made it sting so much was that this was the first time he had ever forgotten my birthday. I knew lately he had gotten worse and I chalked it up to me only being around for one more year before I left for college, and him not wanting to be alone in the house. I knew the memories of my mother were extremely painful for him.

With a deep breath I dumped both bowls of cereal in the trash and put the milk back in the fridge before slipping my sneakers on and grabbing my bag. I made I sure I locked the door behind me, and with it, my own pain.

The rest of the day passed by in a haze. I did my best to pay attention, but my mind was back home, replaying the morning over and over. I couldn't eat lunch, picking at my crackers and tuna without actually making the little sandwiches. I looked up when I heard the chair across from me pull out from the table and was surprised to see Edward and two other guys all sit down with me.

"I don't know why you guys never listen to me when I tell you to come sit back here, this table is always open." Edward was saying as he unpacked his lunch. The biggest guy of the three of them just scoffed and announced he was going off to get some food. The other followed with him, both of them laughing loudly as they crossed the cafeteria.

"Sorry about those two, Emmett and Jasper. They can be idiots."

I nodded voicing no opinion. "Are you ok?" He asked, the concern clear in his voice.

"Yeah, I'm ok. Do you want to come over for dinner tonight? I'd love to have some company."

"Sure, I'd love to. Having a tough day?" Edward asked gently. I simply nodded, picking up a cracker and finally eating it. Emmett and Jasper returned a minute later sitting down and occupied Edward's attention for the remainder of the lunch period. I noticed him stealing glances at me every couple of minutes whenever his friends' weren't paying attention to him.

As soon as the bell rang I jumped out of my seat heading for the door. I threw what remained of my lunch in the trash and walked off toward my next class. I didn't see Edward again until the end of the day when he was walking to his Volvo. I looked over at him hoping to catch his gaze, but he didn't look up. I guess he would show up later. It gave me time to clean up a little and get my shit together.

I stopped at the grocery store to pick up the fixings for shrimp scampi, one of my favorite meals of all time, and something I only made maybe three times a year. Tonight certainly qualified as a special time, I was legal, but I also wanted the comfort from the meal that I knew it would provide. I began salivating, thinking of the smell of garlic and butter, as I waited for the employee who was weighing out my shrimp.

I grabbed some fresh vegetables that I would sauté in the same sauce and a loaf of Italian bread. I was highly tempted to pick up something special for dessert, but just the thought of that made my eyes bristle with tears. Charlie always used to give me a cupcake every year. I didn't need another reminder of the one I wouldn't receive today.

I knew something was different as soon as I pulled onto my street and I saw a familiar Volvo sitting outside my house with a familiar person leaning against it. Edward smiled at me as I got down from my truck with bags in tow.

"Hello, there. I was wondering where you were. Let me help." He took the two grocery bags from me without waiting for my response and we walked up to the house in comfortable silence.

"Do you like shrimp?" I asked as I unlocked the door.

"I like everything." Edward laughed easily. He set the bags down on the kitchen table and started unpacking them. "Oohh…shrimp scampi." He said excitedly when everything was laid out on the table. "How can I help?"

"Do you know how to prep the shrimp?" I asked as I got out a pan to sauté everything in.

"Rinse, peel, split and clean." Edward recited. I beamed over my shoulder at him.

"I'm impressed." He walked over with the bag and dumped it in the sink.

"I had to learn to cook for myself over the past few years. I immersed myself in a little bit of everything. That and I watch Food Network quite a bit when I'm bored."

We shared an easy laugh, lightening the mood significantly from the quiet tension that had settled. I was surprised the atmosphere lasted as we cooked together. I was even more surprised with how easy and effortless everything felt around Edward. How we just seemed to flow together, like we had been friends for years.

I asked him to slice the bread and boil the vegetables for me while I cooked the shrimp. As soon as the garlic hit the butter Edward started moaning over the smell. He took up a position behind me so he could continually catch a whiff.

"Aren't you supposed to be doing something to help?" I teased after a minute of having him watch over my shoulder.

"It's smells too good over here."

"It smells good throughout the entire kitchen. Go stir the peas." I pointed to the pot with my wooden spoon. Edward slumped to my right back to his pot. "I can't believe you don't smell it when you're standing right next to me."

"It smells better standing behind you." Edward smirked at me.

I had a sneaking suspicion it had more to do with the fact that he had also just been burying his nose in my hair while he had been standing behind me. I finished the shrimp right before the peas went off. We combined everything in one bowl and stirred it together. Edward started moaning again when the fragrance of the meal hit his nose again.

"Oh my God, Bella, let me at it." He demanded as he sat down, fork in hand and at the ready.

"Relax," I said as I finished putting the food on the table. I sat down and offered for Edward to take a portion, but he shocked me when he served my plate first and handed it back to me.

"Happy birthday, Bella." He said quietly.

I swear my plate nearly fell from my hand. _Cue heart failure._

"How…how did you know?" I whispered, my voice so low I barely heard it.

"I looked you up on Facebook. I hope that's ok."

I couldn't find my voice for a few seconds, trying to process what was happening. "Thank you," I finally managed. "I'll send you a friend request later. I hardly check mine, though."

"I figured because I already sent you one and I was wondering why I had gotten a confirmation back yet." Edward laughed as he spooned some of the shrimp and peas onto his plate. He took a piece of bread and swirled in the extra butter sauce.

"Oh…sorry." I felt my trademark blush paint my cheeks and I bowed my head for a moment until it subsided.

"No worries," Edward took his first forkful, taking a moment afterward to once more moan over my food. I had to laugh because I could feel a pattern arising between us. "So, what do you normally do for your birthday?"

I was hoping he wouldn't ask this particular question, but now that he had I had no choice but to answer him. I took in a deep breath collecting myself so I didn't break down in front of him.

"Well, my dad usually gets me a cupcake and wishes me a happy birthday. He used to get me something small every year, but money has been tight recently so I understand. Except this morning…" I looked up from my plate feeling tears threatening to fill my eyes, "This morning he forgot. He walked out without saying anything to me. I had breakfast ready for us and everything."

I swallowed back my tears and took a small bite of my dinner. "I decided to make this tonight because it's my birthday and this is one of my favorite dishes, but also because I could use the comfort food."

Edward reached across the table and laid his hand on mine. "I'm sorry, Bella. I know how painful it is. But I'm here. I kind of figured you invited me over because you needed someone tonight."

"I didn't want to be alone tonight. I don't even know if my dad is coming home tonight. But yes," I looked up at him, "I needed to be with someone tonight, and I wanted to be with you."

"Thank you for trusting me, Bella. That's more than what a lot of people would do. I mean with your emotions."

I sighed and took another forkful of the shrimp. "You're really the only person I can talk to about this. The only other person who understands how much this hurts."

"Yes," He agreed quietly.

"Thank you, Edward."

"Whenever you need me, Bella."

I smiled softly at him and he returned it. We ate quietly for several minutes finishing our food while it was still warm. Edward complimented my cooking constantly, taking a second and third helping. I was ecstatic when there were no leftovers. I liked to keep the fridge as clear as possible, just in case I ever needed to stock up on some items.

After cleaning up Edward told me he needed to leave for the night to get home so he could finish some work that was due tomorrow.

"We need to hang out more." He said, one foot out the door.

"We do, I agree. Maybe afternoon study groups? TV, dinner?" I asked tentatively.

"I'd like that." Edward flashed me a dazzling smile that knocked the breath out of me. "Can I pick the next day?"

"Sure,"

"Good, I'll see you around at school. Have a good night, Bella. And thank you so much for dinner again." He leaned down kissing the top of my head. "I'm just a message away if you need me." He started to walk down the steps toward his car while I stood in the doorway pondering over his last statement.

It wasn't until after he had pulled away and I stopped waving that I got it. I ran upstairs and immediately accepted his friend request on Facebook and sent him a message.

_If you're not too busy with your work, let's chat some more – B_

I sent the private message, unable to wipe the grin from my face.

The next morning when I got to my locker, I gasped when I saw what greeted me on the inside. A single vanilla cupcake with buttercream frosting and a pink sugar flower sat on top of an envelope that I assumed held a birthday card. I took the cupcake and the envelope and headed down the hallway toward my class, unable to wait and see what it said.


	3. Hanging By A Moment

**Chapter 3, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

I hadn't meant to reveal myself to Bella at dinner, admitting that I had looked her up on Facebook. I was curious just to see if there was anything there that would give me a better idea of the person she was. But there wasn't even a picture of herself on her profile. I only knew it was the right Bella Swan because of the hometown and high school listed. How many Bella Swans could there be in Forks anyway?

I had browsed over her personal information, shocked to see her birth date. And so when I saw her in school the next morning, and the pain in her eyes, I knew I had to do something for her, I just didn't know what.

I barely got a chance to get a conversation going at lunch when I practically forced Emmett and Jasper to sit with me at Bella's table, that she had all to herself since no one else ever bothered to join her. I asked her the dumb question if she was all right, and I got a quiet nod in return with a whispered response.

I was shocked when Bella asked me over for dinner, but not when she explained that she didn't want to be alone. I knew that had figured in there somewhere. I asked her if she was having a bad day before Jasper and Emmett returned from getting food and occupied my attention for the remainder of the lunch period. Bella got up before the bell even rang, practically running out the door.

I didn't even get the chance to wish her a happy birthday. It would have to wait. Once school was over for the day I headed off to Bella's, surprised when I got there to find her truck not in the driveway. She pulled in a few minutes later, arms laden down with grocery bags.

I practically moaned as we unpacked everything inside and I saw what she was planning for dinner. Once everything was done and we sat down, I served Bella first, finally wishing her a happy birthday. For a moment as I watched her, I wished I hadn't said anything because she looked as though she were about to cry. But she just accepted the plate I offered her and thanked me.

"What do you usually do for your birthday?" I asked after I had taken a couple bites of food. Bella put her fork down, staring at her plate in silence. I knew I had asked the wrong question again, but instead of falling to pieces, Bella took a deep breath and quickly explained to me that her father would usually get her a cupcake and wish her a happy birthday, but this morning he had walked out without so much as uttering a 'good morning' to her.

Without giving it away, I knew then what I could do for her.

We finished the meal in silence and I helped her clean up before I had to head out for the night. When I got home I saw that Bella had accepted my friend request on Facebook, which made me chuckle, and there was also a private message waiting in my inbox.

_If you're not too busy with your work, let's chat some more – B_

I had to laugh. I quickly sent a message back with my cell phone number in it. It would be easier to text while I was typing up my notes. Bella and I went back and forth for a couple hours, trading a few stories and lots of jokes. We asked questions back and forth, and I answered them all honestly.

I wished her a happy birthday once more before saying good night. I had to get up early in the morning if I wanted to make it to local bakery right when it opened.

It wasn't difficult the next morning to get Bella's locker combination from the secretary in the front office. I just simply explained that Bella may or may not be in school today since she wasn't feeling well and I had promised to bring her work home for her. And of course, I would throw out the number once I was done with it. And I may have used my so-called 'signature smile' just to be a little more persuasive, in the end I wound up with the three-number combo.

I left the cupcake and a birthday card on the top shelf of her locker so it would be the first thing she saw when she opened it. Nothing fancy, just an ordinary vanilla cupcake, but I knew to Bella it would mean the world.

I didn't see her until it was time for our mutual AP chemistry class. She was one of the last students to rush in after the bell and took her seat towards the back. I noticed for the first time that there were several empty desks around her, so I grabbed my backpack and got up moving to take the seat next to her. Bella looked up and glanced at me with a small smile, but dropped her eyes as soon as our teacher walked in.

"All right, today I'm assigning permanent desk partners for the rest of the year. I usually let everyone pick a desk and partners, but this year I'm trying something new." Mr. Banner announced, much to the dismay of my classmates, if the moans around the room were any indication.

"So, everyone get up, go to the lab station nearest you, four to a station." He quickly counted heads. "Except for the last table that will have only two."

My head popped and looked over at Bella. She was still staring at her notebook. As soon as I pushed my chair back to get up, she followed suite and we made our way over to the last station in the corner. As I suspected, no one followed us.

While the rest of our classmates moved to their respective stations I watched Bella as she flipped a few pages in her notebook, pretending to be occupied, but I knew she was just being quiet. Perhaps embarrassed. Maybe I had gone over the line with my cupcake idea. But then why had she smiled at me when she came in?

I had to come up with some way to start a conversation. This awkward silence was killing me. "Are you ok with this?" I whispered. Yeah, _that_ was the right way to go about it.

"I'm fine with it, Edward." Bella whispered back. She looked up and watched our classmates for a minute, still figuring out where to go.

"This is not that hard, people." Mr. Banner called from the front of the room as he turned from writing some notes on the white board. "Go to the station nearest you. Four students to a station, except…Oh, you've settled already, good." He nodded in Bella's direction and mine. "This is not a social hour." He called to the class, and turned back to the board to finish his notes.

Bella and I shared a private laugh with each other. Finally everyone got settled, and just as I was about to open my mouth and ask Bella about my gift, Mr. Banner began the class. And now I had to wait.

I stood next to Bella for several minutes as we took notes from the board in silence. I felt a nudge in my side and looked over to see her notebook being pushed toward me. I glanced at the note she had written me.

_Can we sit alone at lunch?_

I smiled to myself not knowing if she saw it or not, but I quickly scratched out a response.

_I think I can get away from Emmett and Jasper. Is something wrong?_

Bella took her notebook back, took a minute to copy down the new notes then pushed her notebook back towards me.

_No, everything is perfectly right._

That made me feel better. I flashed a quick smile at her, receiving one in return, and we returned to work for the remainder of the class period. Bella had her language class after chemistry and I had physics. Joy.

She waved at me discreetly before heading off, the same smile from the beginning of class still in place. And so in my desperation to see her again, my next class dragged for the whole hour. I didn't necessarily hate physics, it just hated me. And today seemed like one of those days where it was holding a particular grudge. The lecture portion of class made my head swim with the equations we went over and I knew I would have to ask for Jasper's help in order to understand this shit.

The lab portion was no better. No matter how hard my group tried to get today's experiment to work, and we seemed to be the only group having issues, it just would not go. I didn't know if it was me, or if it was the ramp we were using and the fact that the room was slightly sloped, but this crap was not happening.

"I blame the fact that the room slopes." I told Bella a little bit later as we sat alone at lunch in the corner of the cafeteria.

"The room slopes?" Bella asked, one eyebrow raising in question.

"Yes," She shook her head at me, smiling. "What?"

"You can't jut admit that you suck at physics?"

"I do not," I stated resolutely, "We're just at odds at the moment."

"Ok, Edward. Sure, sure." Bella replied sarcastically as she ripped her sandwich into pieces.

"So what is it that you wanted to talk about?"

"I…I just wanted to thank you. What you did wasn't necessary."

"I wanted to do it." I spoke quickly before she could protest further.

Bella smiled shyly at me from under her lashes. It was one of the most endearing things I had ever seen. "Thank you, Edward."

"You're welcome," I told her sincerely. A moment of silence passed between us where we sat there and just smiled at each other. Finally Bella looked down, and I swear I saw a red blush creep into her cheeks. "Did you like it?"

"What?" Bella asked as she looked up, her face still slightly pink.

"Did you like the cupcake?" I asked again.

"I actually haven't eaten it yet. I wanted to share it with you."

"But I bought it just for you."

"I still want to share it with you. Please, Edward." She asked so sweetly, almost sadly.

I conceded with a nod. "Ok," Bella's face erupted into a huge grin. She took the cupcake from her bag along, which she had carefully wrapped up in the brown paper bag she normally carried her lunch in, and a plastic knife. The frosting was a little lopsided from the way she had wrapped the cupcake, but it was otherwise still in one piece.

"Thank you," She offered me half the cupcake.

I took it and tapped it against her half. "Happy birthday, Bella."

"It was a good one."

"I'm glad."

Over the next couple weeks we hung out more often, usually at Bella's house. I would come over after school and we would chill for a bit, watch TV and snack on any junk food she had. Sometimes we did homework, but most of the time we didn't. Bella cooked almost every night, accept the two that we went out and had dinner at the diner.

I could tell Bella loathed her job there, and I knew the reason she even had the job to begin with was so that she didn't have to spend so much time alone in her own house. Not a very good reason for a job in my opinion, but I understand why.

So it shocked me the following week, the first week of October, when I sat down with Emmett and Jasper at Bella's table, and while they were up getting food she told she had quit her job.

"Just like that?" I asked biting into my turkey sandwich.

"Yeah, the hours were horrible and I barely made any money. I just went in there over the weekend and told my boss I quit. She didn't even make a fuss. She knew it was coming. A lot of girls have been quitting lately." Bella spread a little tuna on a cracker and popped in her mouth. I noticed it was one of her favorite things for lunch.

"Did you want to hang out at all this week?" She asked after she finished chewing.

"Maybe, I have a huge physics project to do with Jasper and I really need his help."

Bella just chuckled. "You still can't admit that you suck at physics?"

"Is he complaining to you about it, too?" Jasper asked as he and Emmett sat back down.

It surprised me when my friends were all for changing tables and sitting with Bella. She fit in to our little group like she had been there the entire time. And the table she sat at in the back was actually much more conveniently located to the food than the one we had been sitting at before, which Emmett didn't fail to point out.

"He never stops, actually." Bella teased, popping another tuna topped cracker in her mouth.

For the remainder of the lunch period I was mercilessly teased from around the table for my lack of capability in physics. Luckily Jasper was a complete nerd when it came to physics, so I knew I could count on him for help.

By the end of the week Bella and I had managed to hang out twice after school in between me spending time with Emmett and Jasper and getting my project done. She didn't seemed to mind, and in fact had an essay to write for English that kept her busy most of the week.

I caught up with her the following Monday at her locker. I was offered a 'good morning' along with an exceptionally bright smile.

"You really are having a good morning." I observed, leaning against the locker next to hers.

"I am now. I'm just happy to see you."

I didn't miss the way her tone changed from the chipper way she had greeted me to how she now sounded a little sad. I guess her morning hadn't been that good, at least at home.

"What were you planning for Halloween?" I asked as we walked to our first classes together.

"Nothing, just more homework. Why, is there a party I should know about?"

"Actually yes. Would you like to go to one?"

"Do I have to dress up?"

"Yes,"

Bella stopped at the door for her classroom and stared at me as though she were seriously thinking over my proposition. I knew she was toying with me and I found the mock serious expression on her face rather comical.

"Ok, but don't come up with something entirely inappropriate."

"Wouldn't dream of it." I promised her, barely able to conceal my wicked grin. Bella punched me in the arm and headed off to her first period class. "See you in chemistry." I called. She turned and waved back at me.

I started to walk away, but I was distracted as I watched Bella take her seat, the way her jeans seemed to hug the slight curves of her hips in the most absolute perfect way. She was wearing a purple and teal plaid button down today and purple flats. She sat down and waved at me one more time then pointed to the clock over the door.

The bell rang just then and I sprinted off down the hall to get to my class on time. I had never before really taken stock of Bella's preferred sense of style, but now that I had I knew I wouldn't be able to stop. It was going to prove a most inconvenient distraction.

**BPOV**

I laughed to myself as Edward scampered away at the sound of the bell. It wasn't the first time I had caught him staring at my ass, and I knew it wouldn't be the last. Sometimes I purposely wore my tight jeans just to mess with him, but I had no other intentions in mind. Yes, I know it's cruel, but it's also funny. Just to test him and see if he'll actually look.

Ever since I started hanging out with Edward more, and I noticed the way he was looking at me, a way that made me feel attractive, sexy, I was paying more attention to the outfits I threw together every morning. Before Edward I would just toss on the first things my hands touched. Now I was taking the time to make sure my shirt lay just right and my jeans were clean.

I have to admit that I get a secret girly pleasure out of dressing myself each morning, but I would never admit that to anyone. I was supposed to be the one girl in my senior class who didn't give a shit about fashion, and that assumption helped in the armor I had built up around myself. It let me exist outside of the world other girls in my graduating class existed in, and thus I would maintain that image. For now.

I was a little bit surprised when Edward asked me to go to a Halloween party with him. I hadn't been expecting it, and I had thought he would want to take a girl he could do a couples' thing with. But then again…Edward Cullen wasn't known for doing the 'couples thing' anyway. I knew, despite his promise not to, he would come up with some costume get up for us that was either risqué or wildly inappropriate for two people who were just friends.

I saw him again in chemistry, and once more I caught him staring at my ass when I stood back up from gathering my notebook out of my bag. "Is this going to become a problem later on in the year, Mr. Cullen?" I asked sarcastically when I joined him at our lab station.

"Is what going to be a problem?" He asked all smiles, clearly playing the ignorant smartass with me.

I wanted to smack him upside the head, but that would draw attention and the last thing I wanted was to draw attention while Edward was blatantly staring at my ass. I was going to have to nip this problem in the bud before I let him take it too far.

"So when is this party you were telling me about and whose throwing it?"

"Halloween, at Emmett's house. He has one every year."

"Oh, right. Yeah, I never went to those." We were silent as Mr. Banner passed out the packets for today's lab, waiting for him to pass before continuing with the conversation. "So what kind of costumes did you have in mind?"

"Nothing yet, but if you want we can go to the Halloween outlet that just opened up and check some stuff out."

"Yeah, that'd be cool."

Edward flashed me an approving smile, and for some reason this time it made me feel a little weak. He had the most dazzling smile and I had never before noticed, until now. I tried to smile back but I felt as though I was only grimacing.

We worked efficiently for the rest of chemistry together, no more joking, only serious analysis of today's lab exercise. Edward would collect the few chemicals we needed and measure them out while I mixed them and monitored the flame on the burner. By the end of class we were the only lab station to have achieved the final result described in the handout. As a reward we earned five points on our next quiz. I beamed up at Edward, exceedingly proud of us, and he returned the smile with equal vigor. I would be lying if I said it didn't make my knees feel weak once more.

"See you at lunch." He called to me as we headed off in opposite directions at the end of class. I waved back still unable to wipe the smile off my face.

I barely made it ten steps down the hall before Jessica and her little band of misfits stopped right in front of me. "So what's this I see developing between the lion and the lamb?" She asked sarcastically.

"What the fuck do you want, Jessica?"

"What's going on between you and Cullen?"

"I don't see how that's any of your business."

"You and Cullen?" Lauren repeated, making it sound as though it was her business. "Everyone's seen you two around school hanging out now."

"So what was with the lion and lamb statement?" I asked, dumbfounded by their little nicknames.

"Well," Lauren started, tossing her hair over one shoulder, "If I recall, Edward is certainly a beast in bed. And, well…lambs aren't exactly known for their intelligence." She and Jessica burst into hysterical laughter. I just shoved past them all, making them topple against each other, and kept walking.

My cheeks were on fire as I stalked off toward my next class, and I may have slammed my books down on the desk harder than I realized. Several of my classmates were blatantly staring at me as I sat down. I muttered a quick apology to my teacher and quickly opened my book to where we had left off and began to read.

I barely participated in class, which was very unlike me, and it didn't go unnoticed by my teacher. Mrs. Benson pulled me aside after class and asked if anything was wrong.

"I'm fine," I lied, "Just a little tired today." She nodded understandingly and let me go. But the same pattern repeated for my next couple classes until lunch. I couldn't bring myself to raise my hand and answer the questions I knew. I sat in silence, my head bowed over whichever book I needed to have out.

But the time lunch finally rolled around I was running a few minutes behind and got to the cafeteria to see Edward and his friends from the baseball team already eating. I started to walk over, but it looked as though they were having an intense conversation. So I slowed my steps and waited until it seemed like they had finished.

"There you are, I was getting worried." Edward greeted me, pulling my chair out enough for me to sit. I thanked him quietly as I sat down and took my lunch out.

"So we were just asking Edward if there's anything serious going on here." Emmett jumped in, waving his hand between Edward and I.

"And I said no, we're just friends." Edward snapped at him. I didn't know if he meant to sound angry, but that was how it came off to me.

"Yeah, just friends." I repeated quietly, nibbling on a baby carrot.

Emmett took a few minutes to tease Edward relentlessly about what he thought he was seeing between him and I, and I just sat there quietly listening. Jasper was shaking his head as he watched Emmett, obviously not impressed with his friend's thought process.

"Why don't we all go check out the Halloween outlet after school?" He offered, effectively drawing the attention away from Emmett's conversation. I saw Edward mouth a 'thank you' in Jasper's direction. It worked, since Emmett started going off on a tirade about how his party this year was going to be the party to end all parties for our high school.

"I honestly doubt that." I scoffed at him, "What about graduation?"

"I'll throw a party then too." Emmett responded confidently, leaning back in his seat. "It'll be off the hook."

I glanced at Edward who was trying not to laugh, but shaking with the effort. "Hey Em, the nineties called, they want their phrase back."

Emmett scowled at me, but it quickly turned into a grin. "She's good, Ed. She's a keeper."

I didn't know if he meant 'keeper' in terms of continuing to hang out at lunch like this, or in terms of Edward and I being together. The latter was a completely impossible idea, it would never happen. Not in a million years. So I assumed the former, it was more plausible.

For the rest of the week I studiously avoided Jessica, Lauren and their cronies. Edward, Jasper, and Emmett continued to sit with me at lunch, and we actually had very decent conversations. Well, Edward, Jasper and I had decent conversations, Emmett offered his input here and there pretending like he knew what we were talking about.

I was looking forward to Saturday since Edward had promised that his friends and I would start looking at costumes and decoration ideas for Emmett's party. I had a short essay that needed to be written, and Edward and I had a five-page lab report to type up, but that could all be done Sunday night over pizza if we so desired.

I woke up early on Saturday as usual and headed downstairs to start the coffee. I was just pouring myself a cup when I heard the unmistakable sound of my dad's cruiser in the driveway and rushed to the window to check. He was getting out and slumping up to the front door.

"Morning," I greeted him quietly from the kitchen entryway as he walked in.

"Morning, Bells." He greeted me back quietly.

"I made coffee."

"Later," he muttered, and continued on to his room shutting the door. I was use to these brief conversations. But just the fact that he greeted me was a good sign.

I made a quick bowl of cereal and took it upstairs with my coffee to start on my essay before Edward got here to pick me up. I was a couple pages in when I heard my dad walk upstairs and then the bathroom door shut. The shower turned on a few seconds later.

I listened to the intermittent noises of my dad getting out and heading back downstairs. A few minutes after that the front door opened and closed and I heard his cruiser pull back out of the driveway. I was alone again.

By the time Edward showed up around ten I had finished my essay and was buried nose deep in a novel in the living room waiting for him. He knocked hesitantly at my door and I jumped up to answer it.

"Ready for some fun?" He asked with a mischievous smile.

"Ready and willing." I answered back confidently, the disappointment from this morning almost forgotten at the sight of him.

Emmett was driving us all in his Jeep, 'The Beast', I later found out it was called. Edward and I sat in the back while Emmett and Jasper sat in the front. During the drive it sounded as though they were arguing, but Edward assured me that this was how they communicated. Emmett was not the brains in their little group and it frustrated Jasper to no end the stupid questions he could ask sometimes.

I was all smiles by the time we arrived at the outlet and hopped out the same way I saw Emmett do. Luckily Edward was there to catch me, since I may have miscalculated my landing angle.

"How about this one?" I asked holding up a costume for him to see.

"I can't picture that one on you." He answered honestly.

"But Belle is my favorite princess, and this is a dead Belle. Come on, its even called 'Hell's Belle'. You don't get any cooler than this."

"I'm not saying don't get it. Go try it on, you nut." Edward laughed at me and scooted me toward one of the dressing rooms.

It took me a minute to get the costume situated, and it was a little scratchy from the crinoline, but I could deal with that. I twisted my hair up into the best impersonation of the way the model had her done in the picture, although I knew it was a wig. When I walked back out Edward was standing there waiting for me. For a second I thought I saw his jaw drop, but I could have been wrong.

The dress was made of a buttery gold material and had lots of ripped black fabric all over it and a broche at the top. I liked it, a lot. "What do you think?" I asked turning. I was going to have to wear black heels with it, but nothing close to the platforms that the model wore in the picture.

"I like it."

"I like that, Bella." Jasper echoed from where he was standing a couple aisles away.

"I like it, too." Emmett echoed from somewhere in the store. Edward and I burst out laughing.

"It's really cool, Bella. I like it."

I smiled excitedly. After I had changed back into my regular clothes, thrilled that I found a costume I actually liked, we spent the rest of our time in the store looking at decorations and the boys found costumes of their own. Emmett managed to find a ridiculous doctor costume that he was set on wearing no matter how the rest of tried to deter him. The name on the tag read 'Dr. Seymour Bush'.

Jasper found a basic mad scientist costume that he could add stuff to and make it really crazy. Edward was the only one having a hard time figuring out what to do. While Emmett and Jasper busied themselves with looking at more decorations I helped Edward on his quest.

"You don't want to do a couples' costume do you?" I asked, a little timidly.

"You want me to dress as a dead prince?"

I held my hands up in defense, "Just a thought."

"I appreciate the thought, but I don't think we'll find anything here that quite fits that."

We wandered around for another half hour, Emmett's laughter echoing over to us from wherever he and Jasper were in the store. Finally Edward settled on a generic pirate costume, but it somewhat matched mine in color and maybe we could get away with people _thinking_ we were doing a couples' thing. But we really weren't.

Since we had driven out of our way into Port Angeles for this adventure, Edward suggested we stay for lunch. I was all for it since I was starving, and we only had one car. So Emmett wasn't given much of choice, not that he disagreed, and actually requested if we could go to the Chinese place. He was quote, 'having a strange craving for noodles'.

I had to admit I liked hanging out with Edward and his friends, and I greatly appreciated the way they included me in every conversation. It felt nice to be wanted. After lunch we headed back to Forks. Jasper was dropped off first, and then me. Edward promised he would be back in a little bit after he did some laundry at home and picked up his room.

"Isn't that what your cleaning lady is for?" Emmett joked as I got out.

"She's only comes once a week, and my room looks like a bomb went off in there right now."

"I didn't know you cleaned, that's all."

Edward sighed and leaned back against the seat. "I'll see you in a little bit. I need to ditch the idiot first." He grinned at me.

"Hey!" Emmett shouted, feigning mock insult from the driver's seat. Edward and I both laughed.

"See you in a bit."

"Bye, Bella!" Emmett called as I walked up to my door. I waved back and headed inside.

The first thing I did was take my costume upstairs and put it away in my closet. I then got to work cleaning my room and, following Edward's brilliant idea, I threw a load of laundry in. I picked up my dad's room as well and stripped his bed to put fresh sheets on it.

Sometimes it was hard to come in here, he still had pictures of my mom on his nightstand, but it was hard because we didn't talk much anymore and it just felt…weird. I picked up some dirty clothes from his floor and hung up the clean ones I had washed last week and had been sitting in his laundry basket by the closet.

I was just finishing up mopping the kitchen when I heard a car pull into the driveway. It wasn't my dad's cruiser. I quickly threw away the Swiffer pad I was using and straightened my clothes out so I looked presentable. Normally I never bothered with such things, but I wanted to at least look nice for Edward.

As soon as I opened the door and saw him standing there smiling, backpack in hand, all the loneliness I had been feeling in the past few hours was quickly washed away. I don't know why, but it made me feel uneasy.


	4. It's Been A While

**Chapter 4, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

By the end of October Bella and I had fallen into a predictable pattern. Two or three days a week we would get together, usually in the afternoon right after school. We would spend some time watching TV, typically at Bella's house since it was closer, and then cook dinner or work on homework, or vice versa depending on how hungry we were.

I would usually leave after that, and once I got home Bella and I engaged in a two or three-hour text fest. Dinner at my house has only happened once because Bella's truck wouldn't start one morning and she called me in a panic to come pick her up. I offered for her to come over after school since she would already be in my car anyway. I never showed her my bedroom.

The Saturday of Emmett's 'epic' Halloween party I picked Bella up early. She was coming over to help get the house decorated and set up for tonight. Emmett's parents were out of town for the weekend, like they were every few weekends, which allowed him to have the huge parties that he hosted.

This afternoon however, Emmett, Jasper and I had to be at the high school for a baseball meeting and varsity tryouts. Fortunately our coach was feeling gracious and not making us wear our uniforms, but we would still need the cleats. I hated cleats.

I stopped at the local bakery again to get coffee and some sweet rolls for Bella and I to share for the drive over to Emmett's. When she opened the door I had to stare for a moment because she was wearing those damn 'ass hugging' jeans again. Since the first time I had truly noticed her bottom in them I had a hard time _not_ staring.

"Good morning. Hello?" Bella snapped her fingers in front of my face to break the daze I was in.

I snapped out of it and flashed her a quick smile, "Good morning, ready for some fun?"

"Always,"

She had on grey t-shirt with a sort of draped black vest over it, black star-shaped earrings, a silver and black bracelet, and her ever-present sneakers. I had to wonder just how many pairs she actually owned.

"I got coffee," I told her as I passed one of the paper cups to her in my car.

"Oh, thank God." Bella accepted it gratefully and took a long sip. "That's good," She sighed, leaning back in the seat. I offered her a coffee roll next, taking the second for myself, and pulled out of her driveway.

Jasper had already arrived when we got to Emmett's, and judging from the obscenities I was hearing through the open window, things were not going well inside.

"Emmett, I really think you should go outside and put shit up out there before you fall in here and do damage that your parents won't thank you for." Jasper yelled as he walked down the stairs. "Hey guys," He greeted us with a half wave as Bella and I walked in the door.

"What's going on?" Bella asked, looking around.

"Emmett's being an idiot. He's trying to hang lights on the side of the house by hanging out of his parents' bedroom window."

"Isn't there a ladder in the garage?" I asked, moving toward the door off the hallway. Bella followed right behind me.

"Yes, but he's too lazy," Jasper turned back to the stairs, "And too stupid," he shouted loud enough for Emmett to hear, "to get it out and set it up."

"Well, we're here now, so we'll help."

Jasper and I got the huge ladder down from the wall in the garage and carried it over to the side of the house where Emmett was currently half hanging out of the second story window, one leg on either side of the pane.

"Hey, jackass!" I called up to him. Bella giggled beside me. "Get down before you hurt yourself."

"I'm doing just fine, thanks." Emmett called back. He currently had one hook in the side of the house and no lights.

"How long has he been up there doing that?" I asked Jasper.

"Almost an hour."

Jasper and I set the ladder up on the side of the house and he went up while I held it. He shooed Emmett back inside the house and had him hand over the hooks for the lights and set them up. Emmett came down after that to watch the ladder so Bella and I could go inside and start on the decorations there.

We were both still cracking up as we walked in the front door. I loved the twinkling sound of Bella's laughter, it was always so happy. And knowing that she was genuinely in high spirits lifted my own, no matter how low they may have been feeling. I was glad I could be a friend to her, someone she could talk to, lean on when she needed the support.

Emmett had left the bags of decorations and other miscellaneous shit all over the couch, so Bella and I started there, sorting it out and deciding where to put what. The huge plastic skeleton was hung on the front door, just to make sure everyone knew that this was were the party was being held, or so Emmett told us as he came back in to help Jasper from the inside for a few minutes.

Bella grabbed some streamers and banners to hang in the living room, but being short needed the assistance of a stepladder, which I was able to provide from the kitchen.

"Are you going to be ok up there on your own?" I teased, making sure the ladder was steady underneath her, even if it was only a foot or so high.

"I'll be fine, geez." Bella sighed at me sarcastically. I handed her the first black and orange streamer and she taped it up to the wall. We worked around the room like that for about twenty minutes, me handing her streamers as she taped them together and hung them up on the wall.

When we got to the wall over the couch, Bella decided she didn't need to step ladder and proceeded to climb up on the back of the leather couch and have me hand her the large 'Happy Halloween' banner.

I kept my hands up a bit, ready to catch her if she slipped, and it was a good thing. Just as Bella finished and started to ease herself down, her sock slipped on the leather material of the couch. I caught her easily, bracing her against my body as we fell to the couch together.

Bella managed to twist as she fell and so we landed with me on my back and Bella hovering above me, my arms tight around her waist. It was the first time I had ever held her.

And I didn't want to let her go.

I stared up into her surprised eyes as she stared back at me. My hands held her waist firmly, her thighs on either side of my own. I wasn't letting go, nor was Bella trying to get away. I don't know how long we laid there staring at each other, but finally Bella started to wiggle out of my grasp and I let her go.

I sat up slowly with her, watching as she tucked some hair behind her ear. The last few minutes had made my stomach flip and twist into knots. My heart had been hammering in my chest from the moment I caught her in my arms until now, and it was still hammering away.

I was suddenly nervous that I had offended her by holding her too long, not that I meant to, but I just didn't want to let go. It felt too good to have her in my embrace. Like she belonged there. I can't even be sure but I think I may have even leaned up towards her at one moment. Maybe that had been why she finally pushed me away.

Bella got up off the couch and grabbed another bag of decorations. "We should finish with these. It's almost noon. You have that…uh…"

"Practice," I finished for her. Bella nodded, staring down into the bag. "I'm sorry," I muttered, and gestured to the couch, "If I offended you."

"You didn't offend me, Edward." Bella reassured me. She grabbed some wall decorations and more tape. "I was just…surprised, that's all."

"Yeah, yeah me too."

Bella smiled at me demurely and stared down at the bag in her hands again. She sighed heavily and sat down on the opposite couch.

"Are you ok?" I asked, moving to sit beside her. I didn't know if she would be comfortable with that, but I sat down anyway.

"Yes and no," Bella answered honestly. "My dad didn't come home again last night, not that that's anything new, but it still worries me. He usually sleeps over at the station on the weekends and comes home at night during the week. But, you know…as a good daughter I worry."

"I understand. My dad usually isn't home until around two or three in the morning, and goes back out again at five or six depending on how things at the hospital are going."

"At least your dad comes home every night." Bella muttered, her head falling into her hands.

"Not every night," I admitted quietly. She picked her head up and stared at me. I guess she realized we really did have more in common than she anticipated.

"Do you ever try and do anything about it?" She asked.

"No, not at this point. I did try my freshman year, but he never listened to me. I guess a few times he was home around dinner and we ate together, but I usually spent dinner here or at Jasper's. Their door was always open for me, and I'm going to be eternally grateful to their parents for that hospitality."

Bella sighed heavily looking down at the floor. I knew it was because she didn't have many friends in school and no one she could turn to when night fell and loneliness crept up on you.

"Hey," I reached over placing my hand on hers where it lay in her lap, "If you ever get lonely at night, or just need someone there, please call me. I'll come right over."

I don't know what possessed me to say that, but I felt the need in my heart to offer it. It hurt me, for some reason, to ever think of Bella being alone, by herself with no one else there with her. It was a pain I knew and would never wish on someone. Especially her.

"What if I don't want to stay in my house?" Bella asked, her eyes lifting to meet mine.

"Then I'll come get you, or feel free to come over any time you want. My door will always be open for you."

"I wouldn't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't be, trust me."

"Thank you, Edward." She smiled shyly again, and then with a deep breath that she released as she stood she looked down at me with a mock serious expression. "We need to finish all of this up. You have somewhere important to be this afternoon."

I chuckled at her, but took the hand she offered me and pulled myself up off the couch. "Not that important,"

"Important enough."

I grabbed the wall decorations Bella had put down and gave her some. We started on the wall by the door and made our way around the room until we got to the hallway. "It's not like I plan on making a career out of it, or want to pursue in college like Jasper. He's the star player."

"Well, I've never been to a game so I can't pass any judgment on that."

Suddenly, a brilliant idea popped into my head. I turned to face Bella once I finished hanging up a fake spider. "Why don't you come to the tryouts this afternoon. You can sit on the bleachers and watch. Other girls usually show up just to ogle, but some of the other guys' girlfriends come to watch."

"Am I your girlfriend now?" Bella asked, although I couldn't tell if she was being serious or not. She rested her shoulder against the wall as she fingered the plastic fringe on a pumpkin decoration.

"No, I wasn't calling you my girlfriend, I'm sorry if…"

"Chill, Edward. I was teasing. We're just friends, remember?" She flicked the plastic fringe in my face as she passed to go put away the extra decorations.

I watched her walk back out in to the living, the idea turning over in my head. Yes we were just friends, right now. But I had the ridiculous notion that maybe we could be more than that. I had liked the way 'girlfriend' had rolled off of Bella's tongue, and I liked the thought even more so of her actually being my girlfriend.

But what did Bella think about something like that? Would it be something she would want? No, she had flat out told me last month on the first afternoon we hung out together that she couldn't do it. I could tell at the time that the thought of being someone's girlfriend had made her uncomfortable, but why?

Would it be rude to ask her about it? Maybe I could get her alone for a little while tonight at the party and we could talk. I wasn't entirely against the idea, but then again I didn't know if Bella was for it at all.

"Earth to Edward Cullen," someone was calling my name from somewhere far away. "Dude," Emmett's voice yelled at me.

I finally snapped out of my daydream to see Emmett walking down the stairs. Bella was staring at me strangely from her spot in the living room. She was currently helping Jasper move the coffee table around.

"Sorry, I was thinking." I muttered.

Emmett just laughed as he descended the stairs, "Yeah, I figured since there was steam coming out of your ears. I thought I smelled something burning." I punched him in the kidney as me passed me, satisfied with the muffled, "Ow, you fucker…" that I got out of him. "We need to move the furniture around and then we gotta go." Emmett informed me. I glanced at the clock in the kitchen. Shit, it was already one and the tryouts started at two.

We quickly finished with the furniture, moving the couches around to make more room for dancing, and Emmett was sure to put away anything valuable or highly breakable. He ran upstairs to change while Jasper, always ready for anything, threw on his work out clothes in the downstairs bathroom.

I hadn't thought ahead like that and needed to head home to grab some clothes. Bella asked if we could stop by her house so she could get some work to keep her busy. Emmett and Jasper said they would see us there in a little bit as Bella and I headed out.

"So what's left to get done today?" She asked as I backed out of the driveway and headed toward my house.

"Just to get the food set up later and Emmett has to get the alcohol. He knows some guys down on the reservation that always provide for his parties."

"That's cool, I need to get drunk." Bella sighed.

"Me, too." I agreed.

"Lets get drunk together tonight." Bella offered excitedly.

Well, there's goes my plan for my intended conversation out the window.

We arrived at the high school with five minutes to spare. It was a cool sunny day, so tryouts would, thank God, be outside. I pointed Bella toward the bleachers off to the side and she took a seat in the third row, throwing a light blanket around her shoulders to keep warm.

Emmett and Jasper were already out in the field. We exchanged high fives as I joined them. We started warming up and threw the ball back and forth for a few minutes while waiting for our coach to come out. In the mean time guys that were trying out for the spring practiced toward the front and others lined up on the other side of the gate to wait their turn.

"So, talk about Bella." Jasper started, tossing me the ball.

"What's there to talk about?"

"What's going on with you two all of a sudden?" Emmett asked, catching the ball as I threw it him. "I mean, I know you've known each other forever, but not like _known_ each other."

"Is that supposed to have some kind of secondary sexual meaning?" I asked, tossing the ball to Jasper.

Emmett shrugged, "No, why?"

"Because everything with you is a double entendre." Jasper elaborated.

"True, it is."

"So," Jasper pushed again, glancing at me.

"Nothing is going on between us. We're just friends." I glanced back at the bleachers where Bella sitting, slightly hunched over against the breeze, her nose in her book. She looked up at me and waved with a small smile.

I waved back hearing Jasper and Emmett snicker behind me. "You've got it bad, man." Jasper clapped me on the shoulder and patted my back a couple times.

I scoffed, "I don't have anything bad."

Emmett elbowed me in the ribs. "The first stage is always denial."

"First stage of what?"

"Love," He half sang, sounding like a fucking idiot.

"And how would you, asshat?" Jasper accused throwing his glove at him, "You've never been in love."

"Sure I have. I'm in love right now."

Jasper and I exchanged a glance. "What's her name?"

Emmett stood there dumbstruck for a moment as he tried to remember, or create. Sometimes I didn't know what was going through his mind. Actually, scratch that. I _never_ know what's going through his mind, not that I ever want to.

"See, you aren't. And you never have been."

"I think you're confusing love with lust, Em."

"Fuck off, Edward. At least I'm getting some action tonight."

"Was that supposed to be an insult?" I asked, tossing the ball to him.

"No, a brag."

"Ooh, I'm so jealous." I replied in a snarky tone.

This was how such conversations typically transpired between us. We may have sounded to someone on the outside like we were insulting each other and fighting, but it was how we communicated as a group of close friends.

Thankfully I had managed to wheedle my way out of the conversation of Bella and me, and I knew it wouldn't come up again since our coach was now calling from the gate.

Over the next few hours tryouts went smoothly. Jasper, Emmett, and I were already varsity, and so we were there as part of the team as the senior members. Jasper pitched while Emmett and I were in the outfield watching the new guys bat. Our coach stood off to the side watching form and execution for each of the guys trying out.

I was impressed with Ben Chaney, since he had always been the short one through our high school years, and almost didn't recognize him as he stepped up to bat. He had grown over the summer and was now probably closer to six feet than he had been at the end of last spring.

He hit the fastball Jasper pitched at him dead on, smacking it straight to center field. I caught it easily and tossed it back to Jasper. I watched as our coach made a note on his clipboard, no doubt adding Ben's name to the roster.

At the end of tryouts we added five new decent players, including Ben and two others from the senior class, and two juniors. No underclassmen made it this year. Actually, I don't think any underclassmen have made since I did when I was sophomore. That thought made me puff my chest out just a little bit.

I walked up to the bleachers to join Bella as the team convened down on the field for a moment. I'm sure they were discussing future practices and when we would hold the vote for captain. There was no doubt in my mind that I would get it again this year.

Bella shut her book as I approached and laid it off to the side.

"How was it?"

"Good, we added five new players." I sat down next to her and she offered part of her blanket. I shrugged it over my shoulders since it had gotten a little chilly out since tryouts started."

"So what position do you normally play?"

"Outfield. I run really fast so I catch a lot of outs."

Bella nodded toward the field. "You looked like you were having a good time out there."

"Yeah, its fun. Its definitely an outlet for me."

Emmett came charging toward the bleachers at that moment breaking the peaceful moment I was sharing with Bella. He stomped up to the third row with a wide smile on his face. "Dude, we're choosing the captain so you need to come down and vote for yourself."

Bella snickered and ushered me down the bleachers back to the field. I was surprised we were choosing captain now, with everyone exhausted from the tryouts. But since the captain was chosen from among established team members, I suppose we might as well get it out the way now while everyone was already assembled.

So among the ten established team members, I was unanimously voted as the team captain once more. Bella clapped politely from the bleachers, which I heard, and turned to flash her a smile.

She held my gaze for a long minute, and although I couldn't hear her thoughts I could tell she was pondering over something in her mind. I felt hands clapping my shoulders and congratulations being passed around, but I was almost numb to it all. I was still looking over my shoulder at Bella.

She looked so sweet and innocent sitting on the bleachers under her blanket. I just wanted to go back over there and snuggle with her.

"Ready to head back and get everything else set up?" Emmett asked, finally breaking me from my daydream. In my head I had been laying in the hammock strung up in my back yard, Bella curled up beside me fast asleep, both of us snuggled under that blanket.

"Yeah," I shook my head to clear cobwebs. "Lets get going."

"I need food," Emmett moaned as the three of us headed back over to the bleachers. Bella was already waiting with her blanket folded over one arm.

"Did someone mention food?" She asked, her ears perking up.

"Yes, we'll grab lunch."

"And I need to get my costume."

"Well, so do I. So chill."

Bella punched me playfully in the arm, almost hard enough to hurt, but I feigned injury anyway to make her laugh. Emmett and Jasper snickered again, but this time I ignored them. I was too busy watching Bella, and her smile. I had to wonder if maybe Emmett and Jasper had been on to something out in the field earlier when they were teasing me.

Because I think I was starting to fall for this girl. And fall hard.


	5. So Far Away

**Chapter 5, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**BPOV**

When Edward offered for me to tag along to the baseball tryouts, I happily agreed. It was an excuse to hang out with him some more, even though I wouldn't _technically_ be with him, he would be near and that was good enough. My only request was that we stop at my house so I could grab my book for English to give me something to do while tryouts proceeded.

Edward offered me a blanket from his trunk when we got there so I wouldn't be too cold in the cooling weather. I shrugged it on over my shoulders and propped _Dracula_ open in my lap. Another one of my favorite novels, I was excited when it was listed as the book we would be reading around Halloween. It was appropriate.

I read a few pages then looked up at the field watching Emmett, Edward and Jasper toss a baseball back and forth as they warmed up. Jasper flung a particularly fast ball toward Emmett, who caught it at the last second before it smacked him in the head. I giggled to myself quietly.

Edward, it seemed, was having a rather intense conversation with his friends. I watched for a couple minutes even though I couldn't hear. Edward then looked up at me and I waved from where I sat. He waved back. I could tell he was smiling.

I returned to my book, and as I sat there reading about a Romanian vampire in Victorian London, my mind began to wander back to Emmett's house, and when Edward had caught me as I slipped off the back of the couch.

I had to admit at the time it had all happened so fast I didn't even realized what had happened until I was practically lying on top of him on the couch, his hands grasping my waist firmly.

At the time it had felt…nice to be held that way. Tight, but not too tight. It was comforting, even beyond comforting. I had not expected that. And I certainly had not expected for it to feel so right. Like Edward's arms had been designed to hold me. I fit so perfectly into them. I never wanted him to let go.

As I lay there staring into his eyes I saw in them an emotion I didn't know was real or not. It was concern, probably from watching me fall, mixed with…No. I couldn't bring myself to think that. He was a friend. Yes, he had felt concern for me. I had fallen and thankfully he was there to catch me. He wanted to make sure I was all right.

But then why, and I swear it happened, why did he start to lean up towards me a little, his embrace growing just a little bit tighter? I'll admit I started to lean back down towards him. I wanted to kiss him, and I didn't know why. I was the one only last month who had pushed him away when he tried to kiss me in my bedroom.

It's not that I hadn't wanted to kiss him then, I just felt…confused. Why would he want to kiss me so soon? What was the attraction? I felt as though he was moving quickly, and for the wrong reasons. Yes, we knew of each other, but we didn't know each other.

It was too much to handle at once. At the time.

But since we had started hanging out more often I had gotten to know him better, and I had to admit I had grown to like him, and as more than a friend. He was someone I could trust implicitly. Someone I knew I could turn to when things got tough. He was someone I could lean on, and I was more than willing to be that for him as well. I cared about him.

I looked up from my book feeling as though someone had just punched me in the gut. I glanced up to the field to watch for a minute while I got my breath back.

Edward was batting now, and I heard the 'whoosh' of the bat as he swung it through the air and the metallic ring of the ball making contact. It soared off into the air toward centerfield where it was missed by one of the guys trying out. Edward rounded the bases quickly. Holy shit, he was fast.

As soon as he made it back to home plate and I lost sight of him in the group of guys behind the gate, my mind went back to the thought that had quite literally knocked the air out of me. I cared about Edward.

I couldn't rationalize my feelings about that. It had just popped into my head like it was an everyday feeling.

The next time I looked down at my book I realized I had barely turn five pages. My mind had been so busy thinking about Edward. Had he felt the same things? Was he just as confused as I was? I had to stop. All of these 'maybes' and 'what ifs' were making my head hurt. I wanted to have a good time tonight without all of this hanging over me.

I noticed Edward walking over to me and realized that the tryouts were over. I shut my book and set it off to the side. "How was it?" I asked as he climbed up the bleachers toward me. I offered him half the blanket and he huddled underneath with me. All he needed to do to make this moment perfect was wrap an arm around my shoulder and pull me into him.

And what scared me was that I desperately wanted him to do it.

Edward shrugged in answer to my question. "Good, we added five new players."

I asked him what position he usually played, which I found out was outfield, and Edward went on to tell me how much he enjoyed baseball, how much of an outlet it was for him. I could tell he had a lot of fun out there. Emmett interrupted us a minute later and dragged Edward away so he could vote for himself as captain, which I assumed he got when I saw everyone congratulating him.

I suppose come the spring I was going to have a rather good excuse to want to go to all the games.

By the time we finally got out of there I was starving and so was Emmett, who never failed to vocalize the needs of his stomach. Edward and I stopped at my house so I could grab my costume, and at the last second I grabbed some baking mix and icing to make cupcakes for the party.

"Do you have what I think you have in that bag?" Edward asked as I got back in the car.

"Maybe, would you like to help?"

"Fuck yeah." He laughed out loud. "Is your baking as good as your cooking?"

"I guess you'll have to wait and find out."

Edward scowled at me. I guess he wanted me to whip out a freshly baked muffin from nowhere. "Tell you what, I'll let you have the first cupcake out of the oven, deal?"

"Deal." He offered me his hand and I grasped it firmly shaking once. For the first time I felt a definite crackle of energy in the air around us and my skin prickled where he was touching me.

I didn't know if Edward noticed as well, but he had yet to let go of my hand. We stared at each other for a moment before Edward let my hand go. It felt cold and empty almost immediately, like something was missing. And I knew what that something was.

We drove back to Emmett's in complete silence save for the quiet rock playing out of Edward's iPhone where it sat on its little perch on the console. I needed to get one of those.

In our short absence Emmett had ordered pizza for all of us to share for lunch. I grabbed a slice and headed into the kitchen to start on the food. Edward followed on my heels, ready to help with the cupcakes.

"What are you two lovebirds going to do to keep busy?" Emmett asked sticking his head in the kitchen.

I was mid-bite in my pizza, which must have been entertaining since Emmett started laughing his ass off when I turned around in shock at his statement. Edward just gave him a death glare.

"We," Edward gestured between himself and I, "are baking cupcakes, and you are not invited."

"Cupcakes?" Emmett asked, his eyes brightening.

I finished my bite of pizza, chewed and swallowed before answering him. "Yup, and I've already promised the first one to Edward."

"Do I get one fresh from the oven?"

"No," Edward and I answered together, making each other laugh.

"Use whatever you need from the cabinets." Emmett offered, and waved us off and headed out, I assumed, to go down to the reservation and get the alcohol. He informed us that Jasper was out back finishing the lights.

"I'll go hold the ladder for him, then." Edward sighed.

"Don't worry, I'll wait to decorate them till you come back in." He winked at me and headed outside.

I shook off the excitement his wink had sparked in me and got to work on the cupcake mix. Within twenty minutes I had two dozen yellow cupcakes in the oven with another two dozen waiting to the side.

To kill time waiting, I set out all the decorating stuff I had brought with me. I grabbed some icing from the pantry, sprinkles, and some of the candy Emmett had bought for the party.

By the time Edward finally came back inside the first batch of cupcakes were cool enough to decorate. I had set aside one and decorated it special for Edward, since I had promised him the first one and all.

"For you," I said as I offered him the baseball cupcake I had made.

"You really decorated this?" Edward asked, clearly amazed with my baked goods.

"Yeah, its not that hard."

He slowly unwrapped the cupcake then broke it in half. I realized exactly what he was doing before he offered me half. I had broken the cupcake he'd gotten me for my birthday in half and shared it with him.

I tapped my half against his just as he had done and took a bite.

"Holy shit, oh my God…" Edward moaned, his mouth full. "This is unbelievable, Bella. You should be on that cupcake show on Food Network."

I actually burst out laughing. "You don't have to be _that_ nice, Edward."

"I'm therious," he mumbled, mouth stuffed with cupcake.

I shook my head and went to setting up my assembly line for the cupcakes. My idea was to do three different monster cupcakes, a mummy, a vampire, and a werewolf. Once Edward was done enjoying his half cupcake I had him place all the candy and sprinkles on the ones I had finished icing.

"This is really creative, Bella, I'm impressed."

"I might have done an image search on my phone while you were outside. I needed some ideas."

Edward chuckled. "Still, you add your own touches here and there, right?" I nodded, "So it still can be considered an original by Bella Swan."

I gave Edward a playful shove, which knocked him off balance since he was currently concentrating on placing the candy corn on the werewolf cupcake. He cursed at me in play, but shoved me back lightly and I messed up the white icing on a mummy cupcake.

This continued for several minutes until Emmett walked back in with a loud shout from the front door. Edward and I rushed out to see what was wrong, but Emmett appeared to be fine. "What happened?" Edward asked.

"Nothing, stubbed my toe on the door." Emmett huffed out as he tried to carry in a keg.

Edward grabbed it from him and took it out back while Emmett went back to his truck to get the other keg. When they both came back in I recruited Edward back into helping me with the cupcakes and asked Emmett to make the rice crispy treats.

"I already melted the butter, so you just need to add the cereal and fluff and stir until it's a single mass."

"What, what and what?" Emmett asked looking completely confused.

"Just add the container of fluff to the butter and then stir in the box of cereal. When it's a single mass dump it into the glass pan over there and put it in the fridge. It's not that hard."

"For him it is," Edward whispered to me. I shook with quiet laughter.

I didn't pay attention to Emmett after, although I got curious when he cursed a couple times. Edward and I had just finished up the last cupcake and I turned to check on the rice crispy treats. Emmett had his back to us.

"You aren't done yet?" I asked incredulously, and I peaked around his massive form to see what he was doing. I wish I hadn't. "Oh my God, Emmett…"

"What?" Edward came over and as soon as he saw what Emmett had done he almost fell to the floor laughing. "Holy shit, Jasper!" He called in between heaving breaths for air.

Emmett had taken the entire batch of rice crispies and made lewd shapes with them, specifically anatomically correct penises with testicles and breasts complete with nipples. "You're such a pig, Emmett McCarty!"

"I thought it would be fun to see how many people actually take them. It's an experiment."

"That was all you got for rice crispy treats I hope you know."

Emmett just shrugged. "Whatever," I did the whole 'W' with my fingers and everything. Edward laughed in the corner, munching on one of the boob-shaped treats. I wanted to smack him upside the head for encouraging this madness, but it was Halloween and we were all allowed to have some fun.

"You know the party starts in an hour, you should probably head upstairs to get changed. Since you know…girls take forever." Emmett was trying to get a rise out of me with that comment and it wasn't going to work.

But he did have a point. Considering what I wanted to do with my hair I needed as much time as I could get. "Just go," Edward ushered me toward the stairs. "I'll take care of everything else with the food."

"Don't let him near my cupcakes."

"Whoa, these are awesome, Bella!" Emmett yelled from the kitchen.

"Don't touch them!" I yelled back.

I locked myself in the guest room upstairs that Emmett had offered and started getting my makeup and hair stuff organized. I was going to tackle the up-do first, thankfully my costume was a step-into and not something I had to pull over my head.

After I finally got my hair situated almost a half an hour later I quickly did my makeup and grabbed my costume. I eased it up over the strapless bra I had on and slipped my arms into the sleeves. There was a knock on the door just as I reached behind myself for the zipper. With a sigh in frustration, I stalked over to the door and wrenched it open. On the other side was Edward, already dressed in his costume. He actually looked…dashing.

"Dashing?"

Oh shit, did I say that out loud?

"You look good," I quickly recovered. "Uh…can you help me?" I asked and turned my back to him, pulling my hair over one shoulder so he could zip up my dress. I heard him take in a sharp breath and he seemed to hesitate before finally reaching out and pulling the zipper all the way up from my lower back to my shoulder blades. "Thanks," I murmured. "Can I borrow you one more time?"

"Yeah, sure." Edward squeaked out. I grabbed my shoes off the bed and placed one hand on his shoulder while I stepped into them. "You look…really good, too." Edward said, swallowing thickly.

"Thanks,"

"I really like the hair."

I just scoffed. It had certainly taken me long enough. We walked downstairs together, the sound of Halloween music floating up to us with mingled conversations from people who had already arrived.

"Hey, Edward!"

I looked up as Lauren Mallory rushed over. Of all the things she could have dressed as, it had to be a slutty pirate wench. She matched Edward's costume more than mine, not that I had been aiming for that. But it had been a comforting thought, up until ten seconds ago, that the colors in our costumes were similar enough to warrant matching.

I moved out of the way as Lauren approached and disappeared into the kitchen. I could still overhear everything she was saying. "Wow, you and I totally match! Come on we need to show everyone!" I glanced around the corner to see Lauren dragging Edward off by the hand.

This was so far beyond anything I had been expecting tonight. I needed a drink, and fast. Luckily I had thought ahead and packed my flask that I had bought in Port Angeles a few years ago. After checking to see if Edward was in sight, which he wasn't, I ran upstairs and grabbed it out of my bag. I had filled it with scotch from my dad's liquor cabinet that he never touched anymore, so he wouldn't even notice if I was taking from it.

I headed back downstairs, taking a drink, and went out back where it was quiet. Emmett had brought the kegs back in before the party started and had them situated in the kitchen with the rest of the food, so no one had any reason to come out here. I was all alone. Nothing new about that. I was feeling particularly emo now after the whole Lauren episode.

Edward hadn't even bothered to try and fight her off. And I don't know why that bothered me so much. We were just friends, it wasn't like I had any kind of claim on him, but I just thought he hated her as much as I did considering how he reacted to the way Lauren and Jessica were treating me that day back in September.

I took another drink from my flask, and then another, and another. I leaned back in the deck chair, my legs laid out along the length of it. I just wanted to sit out here now for the rest of the night, party be damned. What had been the point of everything? Of getting the costume I was currently wrapped up in, the cupcakes that Edward helped me decorate?

For one second I thought maybe…just maybe there was something in his eyes I hadn't seen before. It made me warm inside to think that he might feel something beyond friendship. I didn't know how I felt about that, I was still feeling confused about the whole couch thing from earlier in the day.

I sat up when I heard some banging from inside the house. I took another sip, and then another from my flask and set it down beside me. It was already half empty and I didn't want to waste the alcohol.

I leaned back on my arms looking up at the sky, watching as a shooting star passed overhead. It seemed odd at first, but space detritus burned up in the atmosphere every day. I closed my eyes and made a silent wish, thinking if I held it long enough in my heart and my mind, maybe it would come true.

"Bella?"

My eyes snapped open and I turned over my shoulder to see Edward easing the sliding door open and inching out. He slid it shut silently. "I was afraid you'd gone home. I've been looking all over the house for you." He sat down next to me on the lounge chair, his eyes falling to my flask. "Have you been drinking?"

I nodded. "A lot,"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied quickly. "I told you I wanted to get drunk tonight. I just figured you were…you know…busy."

I sat up straight and looked at him. His brows were pulled together in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Just…" I gestured toward the house, "What happened in there with Lauren, I figured…"

Edward shook his head. "Lauren Mallory is a disgusting creature. After she dragged me off I kept trying to get away from her, but she had her claws in my shirt. I had to push her off and tell her to go fuck herself before she got the message."

I didn't know how to respond to that. I believed him, and I wanted to say it, but my I couldn't find my voice. I had been sitting out here lost in my own head for too long now to be able to communicate properly.

"So what are you doing out here? It's freezing." Edward asked again. He reached for a blanket on the chair next to us and threw it across my bare shoulders.

"I was just…thinking."

"About that thing with Lauren?" Edward guessed correctly, "Ok, I'm going to be honest with you, but please don't hold it against me.

Oh God, here it comes. He just wanted to make sure I hadn't passed out anywhere and was going to back inside to have a better time than he could out here with me.

"I slept with Lauren, and Jessica, back in my sophomore year."

"Oh," I had been ready to say it, but his comment caught me off guard and I looked up at him. "What?"

"Please don't hold it against me, Bella." Edward held up two hands defensively. "I was dumb and this was back before they were cheerleaders. In case you were wondering if that had anything to do with it."

I shook my head. "I don't care that you've slept with them, Edward. I just…"

Edward reached out then and very gently took my chin in his hand turning my face so I was looking directly into his eyes. "You just what, Bella?"

"I don't know," I shook my head letting my chin fall from his hand.

"Tell me," He asked gently, scooting a little closer to me.

"I just don't understand how you could want to be out here with me, a nobody, when you could be inside having a great time with all those pretty girls."

Edward surprised me by slipping one hand around my neck to cradle my jaw, turning my face toward him again. "Do you really not know how beautiful you are?"

He started to lean in towards me, but I pulled away. Not enough, however, to disengage his hand from my neck. "I can't, Edward," I whispered, "I told you that."

"Why?"

"I just…can't."

"Tell me why, Bella. And don't think you're not worthy."

I turned back to him feeling tears in my eyes that were ready to fall. "How can I be worthy of affection from you when I'm not even worthy of it from my own father?"

Edward stopped for a moment and stared at me. I could feel hot tears running down my cheeks now, and his thumb brushing them away. His other hand came up to cradle the other side of my face and he stared at me intently, his eyes soft. "You deserve to be loved, Bella. Don't turn away, listen to me." He whispered, "You deserve more than you give yourself credit for. You are the most amazing girl I've ever known."

"You really don't have to be this nice," I reached up and started to move his hands away, but Edward brushed them down and returned to cupping my face.

"I mean every word, Bella. Will you please let me kiss you?"

"I've been drinking…I shouldn't." I protested.

"Just let me kiss you, I promise not to take advantage."

"Edward," I tried to protest again, but his name died on my lips as Edward leaned in covering mine with his own.

I reached up instinctively to pull his hands down, but I just wound up holding his wrists. He kissed me gently, very gently. He barely brushed his lips over mine, waiting for me to respond to him. It didn't take long. I started to kiss him back, and once I did he inched even closer to me, one hand falling from my face to grasp me around the waist and hold me against him.

Our kiss became progressively deeper as we fed off of the energy from each other. I felt Edward tracing my lower lip with his tongue, so I opened up allowing him entrance. His were so soft and he tasted like cupcakes. I was becoming completely intoxicated by him. His grip on me was firm but not painful. He held me with just the right amount of pressure. It felt so good.

I moaned into his mouth, eliciting a similar response from him. I'm sure if he was pressed right up against me I would be feeling something rather solid and hard against my stomach. Prudence kept me from reaching down between us to find out for myself. I wasn't that drunk.

I wasn't sure when to stop. But the lack of oxygen in my lungs made the decision for me, and I laid one hand on Edward's chest gently pushing him back until our lips disconnected completely. We were panting lightly both from lack air. He leaned in so his forehead was touching mine.

"Is that a blush I see under all that makeup, Ms. Swan?" He reached up and stroked my cheek.

"It's warm out here."

"No, it's freezing. I think that kiss just made you all hot and bothered."

"It was rather good."

"Just 'good'."

"All right, it got me all hot and bothered."

We both laughed and Edward kissed my forehead. He was being exceptionally sweet for someone who was just my friend.

"You think we should head back inside?" I asked glancing at the party still raging beyond the glass door. "We might have a better time in there."

"I don't need that party to have a good time right now, Bella. Just being here with you is good enough for me."

God help me, because I think I'm falling in love.


	6. Right Here

**Chapter 6, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**BPOV**

My mind was a swirling mass of images when I woke up the next morning. I remembered sitting out back on the deck for a while, by myself, staring up at the sky and drinking from my flask. I remembered Edward coming out to join me at one point. I remember the sweet things he said to me. I remembered our kiss.

Our kiss.

My eyes opened slowly as the fog in my brain started to lift. I realized right away that I was not lying in my own bed. The mattress was too soft, the pillow too firm. And I most definitely did not own sheets this luxurious. I started to sit up only to have my head scream at me, and I promptly laid back down.

Ugh, hangover.

I tried to sit up again, this time slowly, and I managed to make it onto my feet without falling down. My costume was lying across the end of the bed, my duffle bag neatly packed and lying on the chest at the foot of the bed. I noticed then for the time that I was in my underwear and the extra t-shirt I had packed for myself. Who had undressed me? Furthermore, who had brought me up, and _then_ proceeded to undress me and then redress me?

Maybe after I brushed my teeth I would be able to think more clearly.

I changed into the clean pair of jeans I had with me and put on my sneakers. I rolled up my costume and stuffed it back into his plastic bag then shoved everything else that was mine back into my duffle and headed downstairs.

I was still in Emmett's house, which I deduced from the pictures hanging on the wall. I must have passed out because the last thing I remember is curling up with Edward on the back deck.

I stopped halfway down the stairs feeling my blood run cold. Oh shit.

Did we _sleep_ together last night? "No, no way." I shook my head as I continued to walk downstairs. But that nagging voice in the back of my head repeated all of the evidence I had gathered this morning. Waking up in a strange bed in my underwear with no clue as to how or why I was there.

"Morning,"

I picked my head up as I walked into the kitchen, surprised by Edward's voice. He was standing at the counter sipping a cup of coffee.

"Morning," I mumbled in response.

"Head hurt?"

"A bit,"

Edward chuckled quietly and went about making me a cup. "I think I need to get home." I told him as I sipped the hot liquid slowly.

"I'll drive you."

"Morning hell's Bell." Emmett grinned at me as he walked in. "Where did you two disappear to last night?"

"No where," Edward and I said together.

"You missed a hell of a show. The cops showed up last night around midnight."

I felt my eyes nearly bug out of my head and choked on my coffee. Edward rubbed my back until I was able to breathe properly. "What happened?"

"Nothing really, a couple cops knocked on the door, they didn't even come in."

"Which cops?" I asked hesitantly.

"Uh…don't know, didn't look at their name tags. Not your dad."

I let out a breath. Not that I had been nervous he would find me at a party with alcohol, I could care less about that. I just didn't want Edward, Emmett or Jasper to get in trouble.

"Yeah, they just asked me to start sending everyone home since it was late. It was a joke really. But it broke up the party. Hey, Jazz, you look like shit." Emmet greeted Jasper as he stumbled down the stairs. Jasper flipped him off and headed for the bathroom.

Edward rolled his eyes at his friend and set his cup down on the counter. "You ready to go home?"

"Yeah," I set my cup down next to his. He bent down to grab my duffle and headed out to the front door.

"Thanks for inviting me, Emmett, I had fun last night."

"Be safe, kids." Emmett winked at us.

Edward popped his head around the corner and flipped Emmett off making me laugh.

"Can I ask you a favor?" I asked Edward a little bit later as we neared my house.

"Anything,"

"Can you drop me off a block from my house?"

"Why?" He asked, turning to face me.

"In case my dad is home, and he actually asks me where I was last night. Not that I'm expecting him to." I mumbled quietly, but added, "I just don't want him flinging accusations at you or Emmett if he sees you dropping me off. I don't want you to get in trouble."

"Ok," Edward smiled at me, but there was something off about his expression. We sat in silence for the rest of the drive. Needless to say it was awkward. "One block away." He stated as he stopped the car. I could see my house in the distance, my dad's cruiser in the driveway.

"Great," I muttered to myself.

"Are you ok?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to go back to bed when I get inside."

"Take some Tylenol and drink a lot of water. Try making some eggs, too."

"Is that your cure for a hangover?"

"Yup, bacon and eggs. Works every time."

"Thanks, I'll remember that. And thanks for driving me around yesterday and today."

"No problem."

I reached over to open the door and got out, but I felt Edward take my hand and I turned back to look at him. "Bella," He stopped me.

"Yeah," I gazed across the seat at him as he gazed back, his eyes boring into mine.

He looked as though he wanted to say something, something important, or difficult, I couldn't tell which. "Feel better,"

I felt my mood deflate a tiny bit, but I smiled back at him and muttered a quiet, "Thanks," before getting out of the car.

"Call me…later, if you want to." Edward offered before I could shut the door.

"Ok,"

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, tomorrow is Monday isn't it?" I laughed. I waved and thanked him again for the ride. "See you tomorrow, Edward."

I didn't look back over my shoulder as I walked off toward my house. He had seemed uncomfortable the entire ride. Maybe something _did_ happen between us last night. Something other than that kiss. I was going to have to get him alone to ask him exactly what had happened after I passed out.

I wasn't surprised when I saw Charlie sitting at the kitchen table when I walked in and passed the kitchen. "Where were you last night?" He grunted at me.

I glared at him and considered continuing on up to my room to pass back out, but this was the first time in almost three weeks that he was actually waiting for me, let alone addressing me directly about something.

"I was at a friend's house." It wasn't _that_ far from the truth.

"How did you get here, since your truck has been in the driveway since last night?"

"Oh, you came home last night."

"Don't be smart with me, Bella. Were you at that party last night? Were you drinking?"

"No, I wasn't at any party. I was studying with a friend."

"Then why do you look so tired? Are you hung over?" He accused, staring me down from where he sat.

"No, dad." I was ready to put my foot down. He had no right to interrogate me like I was a criminal. And why the hell did he suddenly care so much about what I did with my life? "I didn't sleep well last night. There was a lot of noise coming from the house next door."

Charlie continued to stare at me. But he relaxed after a minute and sat back in his chair. "Probably that party that Mike and Peter broke up last night." He muttered to himself.

"Whatever, dad. I have homework to finish." And I turned on my heel before he could say anything else. I hated being disrespectful, but I hated more that he was trying to act all overprotective of me out of nowhere. I was eighteen now and I'm legally free to do as I please. And if I get into trouble I'll take responsibility. But nothing had happened last night and I wasn't going to let him make me feel obligated to tattle on my friends.

It felt weird, although nice, to describe Emmett and Jasper as my friends, but I suppose they were now. And even if they didn't consider me a friend, I at least knew I had Edward to turn to. But Emmett and Jasper had been so nice in the past weeks, treating me as an equal in their little circle. Something I greatly appreciated.

I slammed my door shut and turned the lock so Charlie couldn't bother me anymore. I sat down on my bed and waited to hear some kind of movement downstairs. A few minutes later I heard exactly what I had been waiting for. The front door opened and shut and the sound of my dad's cruiser pulling out of the driveway and fading away down the street.

Now that I was alone I flopped down on my bed. Not two seconds later my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. It was Edward. Calling me.

"Hey," I greeted him, my voice scratchy. God I sounded horrible.

"Hey, don't get mad at me, but I was sitting a couple blocks away. I just saw your dad leave, you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Did he ask you about last night?"

"Yes, and I lied. Which I hated, but right now I don't really care."

Edward laughed on the other line. "Well, you're safe now to act hung over. Take the Tylenol and go to sleep. You'll be fine tomorrow morning."

"Thanks, Dr. Edward."

"Any time, Bella. I'll see tomorrow morning."

I repeated it back to him and hung up. I was definitely going to have to talk to him tomorrow. I was thoroughly confused, and my head was throbbing from more than my headache.

I wandered into the bathroom after emptying out my duffle and storing it under my bed. I found the bottle of Tylenol, shook out the last two pills and swallowed them with water from the sink. I stripped out of my clothes after that and got into the shower. The hot water helped to wake me up a little more and it soothed my head a bit.

I dressed in my comfiest pajamas for the rest of the day and headed downstairs to make eggs. I had to admit after I finished them, along with a pot of coffee and a couple glasses of water, I felt significantly better. I spent the rest of the day cleaning my room and picking up the house. I made some dinner ahead of time and set it aside for later.

I got my homework done and caught up on the laundry for the next few days. Charlie didn't come home until after 1 in the morning. I was already in bed, reading with my book light on. I heard his cruiser pull into the driveway and the front door open and close. Then his bedroom door opened and shut downstairs.

Another typical Sunday in the Swan house.

I woke up Monday morning in my usual early morning surly mood. I peeked out the window to see if Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway. It was, he hadn't left yet. I jumped in the shower and dressed quickly. I grabbed everything I needed for the day and stuffed it all into my messenger before throwing my jacket on and slinging the bag over my shoulder.

Charlie's bedroom door was shut when I got downstairs and he wasn't in the kitchen. I grabbed a granola bar from the cabinet and small bottle of orange juice from the fridge as I headed out. My truck took a minute to start since the temperature had dropped significantly over night.

Once I got to school I noticed Edward's Volvo already parked, but he wasn't standing next to it, like I had hoped he would be. I had wanted to talk to him before school started and get it out of the way but now it was going to have to wait.

I stopped at my locker to drop off the books I wouldn't need until after lunch. After fighting with the spin dial for a minute I got the lock popped and swung open the metal door and started stacking my books on the top shelf.

"Good morning," an all too familiar voice greeted me.

"Morning," I responded slowly. I shut my locker and spun the dial to make sure it was locked. I turned to face Edward, not surprised to find him leaning against the lockers with his flirty grin present on his face. "Can I…talk to you about something?" I asked.

Edward stood up, immediately aware of the tone of my voice. "Sure, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, per say. I just wanted to talk about Saturday night."

"Oh," his face fell a little. "I'm sorry if I stepped over the line."

That didn't help the paranoia I had been feeling since yesterday morning.

"I just wanted to ask if we...well,"

"What, Bella?" He asked, his tone genuinely concerned.

"I just wanted to know if we…um…slept together."

"Yes, well, no. Not technically."

"I don't get it."

Edward glanced around to see if anyone was within earshot and moved a little closer to me. I could smell the fragrance coming off of him. He smelled like laundry detergent, musk and something that had to be just Edward. It was invigorating and making me slightly dizzy.

"You passed out Saturday after we kissed. But I waited until the house had cleared out before I brought you inside."

"Did you undress me?"

"I took your shoes and costume off, and I did my best to clean as much makeup off of your face as I could. I found the extra t-shirt you brought and put it on you. I swear I didn't look or anything pervy like that. I put you to bed, and I slept on the chaise in the room. So yes, we did sleep together in the same room, but as far as what you're thinking, no."

I don't know why but I suddenly felt tears in my eyes. Edward had taken care of me that night, and not only that, he had gotten me dressed and tucked me into bed.

"You ok, Bella?" He asked, reaching out to me. I felt him brush a tear off my face. I didn't even realize they had fallen.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just…not used to being cared for, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Edward replied, his eyes finding mine and holding them with the intensity of his stare. He looked almost sad, and I wished I could wipe the expression off his face. It hurt me somewhere inside to know that he knew the kind of emptiness I feel everyday. I wished fervently for some way to fix that.

We had to say goodbye when the bell rang for first period. I sprinted making it just in time. As soon as I sat down at my desk I was already counting the minutes until chemistry.

Edward was already waiting at our desk when I got there. I was greeted with a bright, beaming smile from him and I couldn't help but return it. His happiness was infectious, and it made me feel warm inside to know that his smile meant he was happy to see _me_.

Our lab today was very straightforward. Well, straightforward for Edward and I since we seemed to be the only ones who bothered to read the text before class. We were starting chromatography today using column chromatography. At the end of class all groups were to present their conclusions based on the process of the lab.

I let Edward do the talking since he didn't seem to stumble over the big names of chemicals like I would. It's not that I didn't know how to pronounce them I just hated having to speak in front of people. We earned our A for the lab and I practically skipped out of class.

"Good work, partner. I'll see you at lunch."

I watched Edward walk off down the hall, my eyes momentarily falling to gaze at his perfect bottom encased in jeans. But my daydream was interrupted when I heard the unmistakable sound of Jessica Stanley clearing her throat behind me.

"Yes?" I was being intentionally rude.

"So, according to Lauren, you and Cullen hooked up Saturday night. What I don't understand is why he would want to hook up with you when he's been with both Lauren and I in the past, and I know he enjoyed himself."

"I think you have early on-set dementia, Jessica, because nothing happened between Edward and I Saturday night."

Jessica looked momentarily confused at my insult. "Early-on what?" Was she really that dumb? I could believe it. "Whatever, Bella. Did you and Edward hook up Saturday night?"

I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of a hesitant answer, so I quickly shot back with an answer that dodged her question entirely. "Jessica, I don't even know what 'hooking up' really means anymore. I've heard it used in so many different contexts."

"It means you two were fucking Saturday night." She sneered at me flashing her nicotine stained teeth. I was surprised she didn't have daddy dearest whip out his plastic so she could have them bleached.

I decided to call her bluff. "Well, if that's what it means to your mediocre little mind, I suggest you take that story and run with it, Jessica. See how far it will go."

"Oh, I plan to." She retorted confidently, crossing her arms over her inflated, fake chest.

I merely smiled at her sarcastically and replied, "Pleasant day," and I was on my way. I heard her heels click off in the opposite direction and could just picture the look on her face.

My fourth period language class flew by, mostly because I had spent last night studying my German textbook until Charlie came home, which was when I promptly fell asleep. I was able to answer with correct pronunciation almost every question or conversation prompt that was put to the class. I felt very accomplished in my mastery so far of this language, and I knew it would come in handy when I went off to college to study history. What I would do with it I didn't know yet, but I had a few years ahead of me still to figure that out.

Edward was the only one at the table when I arrived to lunch early. He was apparently waiting for me since he pulled out the seat next to him when I walked up to the table. "So what's on the menu today?" He asked as I sat down.

"Turkey and cheese rollups, I didn't feel like putting in a lot of effort last night."

"Yeah, me either." Edward had the same thing, just his weren't rolled and held together with toothpicks.

"So did you two hear the rumor that's going around?" Emmett asked as he and Jasper appeared with trays of food.

I shook my head, almost afraid to ask. Maybe challenging Jessica hadn't been the smartest thing after all. "Yeah," Emmett continued chewing on his hug bite of pizza, "Apparently Jessica and Lauren were caught making out in the downstairs bathroom Saturday night, like practically taking each other's clothes. I don't know how true it is, but I always had a feeling about those two."

"Mike Newton said he was sorry he missed it." Jasper laughed, jumping in.

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding, my appetite gone. I sat back in my chair with a sigh as Emmett and Jasper continued with the conversation, steering in the direction of what they would have done had they been the ones to discover Jessica and Lauren. I tried not to listen.

I only looked up from staring at my lap when I felt a hand on my own where it lay on the table. "What's up, you look lost in your own little world over there." Edward whispered to me.

"Nothing, just thinking. Um, can we talk in private for a minute?"

Edward glanced at his friends where they were still deep in their conversation. "I don't think they'll miss us. Come on," He gathered his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. I quickly packed up my lunch, having barely touched it, and followed Edward out of the cafeteria.

We walked down the hall a little bit until we reached what I assumed was his locker since he started spinning the dial. He popped the door open and stood behind it, obviously to give us some privacy from people coming down the hallway.

"What's up, is something wrong?"

"No, I just wanted to continue with our conversation from this morning."

"Sure, what about it?"

I hesitated in continuing. I wasn't sure what it was I wanted to really talk about. I felt my teeth gnawing on my bottom lip as I always did when I was nervous. Edward stood there waiting patiently as I gazed up at him, as if staring into his eyes long enough would help me think clearly. However, it achieved exactly the opposite. The longer I looked into those clear, green orbs, the more confused and befuddled my thoughts became.

"How did you feel afterward?" I suddenly blurted out.

"After the kiss?"

I nodded slowly. I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment for asking. It wasn't really my business how my kiss made him feel, just how it made me feel, right? But just the way he had been talking to me, acting that night despite that we had both been drinking, made me want to hope that he had at least felt _something_. I know I had.

"Honestly, Bella," He started slowly, his eyes on the floor as if he were embarrassed about what he was about to say. I felt my heart clench with fear that maybe he had felt nothing. "Honestly, I can't describe the way it made me feel. It was just…incredible." He smiled uneasily, his eyes twinkling as he looked at me from under his impossibly long lashes.

"Really? Incredible?" I asked, unsure whether I had heard him right.

"Really incredible," He repeated, moving a little closer to me. "And I want to ask you something now." I nodded so he knew it was all right. "I would like to kiss you again, to see if it's just as incredible the second time around. Would that be all right?"

I glanced around the still empty hallway to see if anyone was around. I couldn't deny that I wanted to kiss him again. I had been thinking about it since I woke up on Sunday and memories from the previous night plagued my thoughts.

I didn't need to give my consent. Edward seemed to be able to pick up on it, and soon his hands were cupping my face as he leaned in and pressed his lips gently against mine. We didn't lose ourselves as we had Saturday night. He kissed me slowly, waiting for me to respond before he deepened the kiss. I was barely able to fight back the desire to grab his shirt and bring him closer, but Edward pulled back ending the kiss before I could even make an attempt of it.

"Definitely better," He smiled at me.

"Really?"

"Yes, Bella, really."

I was completely lost for words. All I could do was stand there and continue to look at him as he looked at me. I don't know if he had felt it, but there was definitive spark between us when we kissed. It was Edward who finally broke the silence between us.

"Would you be opposed to spending some more time together? Now that November is here Emmett and Jasper are going to be bogged down even more with football and I don't play. So that leaves me with a lot of free afternoons."

I shook my head, "No, I wouldn't be opposed to that, Edward." It didn't sound like my voice. It sounded too far away, too breathy.

"Ok, so we'll just play it by ear."

"Ok,"

If the bell hadn't rung to signal the end of lunch I would have been content to stand there in the hallway with Edward, the two of us lost in our little world together. Unfortunately, that was not the case. Edward shut his locker then offered to walk me to my next class. He surprised me further when we got there, bending down to kiss the top of my head, not caring if anyone saw him.

My feelings for him, which were already complicated before today, were now thoroughly tangled. And I had no clue whether Edward felt the same, making the situation I found myself in somewhere between awkward and absurd. I could only hope for clarity, and I thought of that shooting star I saw on Saturday night, wondering if wishes really could come true.


	7. You

**Chapter 7, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

I understood exactly why Bella had asked that we remain just friends. She was just as afraid of change as I was. Afraid of not being alone for once, letting someone in that may actually do you good. It was easier to remain detached. I had to agree with her. At least in the beginning I did.

Lately, though, things have seemed different. We started out getting together at her house or mine in the afternoons after school and pigging out on junk food while watching Comedy Central, but after a few weeks of that we progressed to movie nights where Bella would cook dinner for us if we were at her house, and I ordered in if we were at mine. I cook, but not as well as Bella does.

At first the movies were comedy, the atmosphere between us remaining light and fun. Recently they've geared toward genres that would make us want to cuddle, or make Bella hide her face in my shoulder. I couldn't stop thinking about the afternoon when she invited me over for the first time. About how her hand felt in mine when she grabbed it as she led me through the house.

Something was starting to happen between us whether we wanted it to or not, and I wasn't sure where I stood on it. On one hand I want to try and explore things with Bella. No one has ever made me feel the way she does. Her laugh makes my heart swell because I know she's happy. Her joy is my joy.

I never want to let her go when she hugs me good night. But she pulls back eventually and reaches up to ruffle my hair. I run my fingers along her cheekbone in return, reveling in the silky smoothness of her skin.

I don't know where I want this to go, but I do want Bella to understand just how much she means to me, how much she's changed me. I never thought it would be possible for me to feel this way…but I do. And it scares me. Is this what it's supposed to feel like? Like my stomach is being tied in knots and my heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest?

The biggest question, the one thing that has been gnawing away at me for almost two weeks now… Does Bella feel the same way? I have no assurances, nothing concrete. Except for the way she traced my fingers the other night as we cuddled on the couch after a late night movie. She pressed the tips of my index and middle fingers to her lips and kissed them gently for several seconds before curling her hand around mine snuggling even closer before passing out in my arms.

I thought maybe she felt the same spark I did considering that she let me kiss her, and she kissed me back every time. But maybe she just didn't want me to feel rejected. I didn't know what to think. But I knew I had to at least ask her. What were we to each other now? Were we anything at all? How did she see us now that we had kissed, now that maybe things were progressing in a direction neither one of us had anticipated? It all made my head spin too much.

It was now a few days before Thanksgiving, and as far as I knew Bella wasn't spending it with anyone. I typically went over to Jasper's for dinner, but this year I think it was time for a change of venue.

"So I have something to ask you." Bella prompted me as I met her at her locker the day before Thanksgiving break started.

"And what would that be?" I asked, leaning casually against the locker next to hers.

"Would you like to cook dinner with me tomorrow? Just something small, nothing too fancy."

I could feel a smile spread across my face. "Absolutely," the smile I received in return from Bella was stunning. It made me want to lean down and kiss her because I knew how much happier that would make her. But we had agreed to a strict rule of no PDAs. "But let me ask, when you say small what is included?"

Bella shut her locker and we started walking to our classes. "All of the traditional stuff of course, turkey breast, cranberry sauce from a can, stuffing…why? Is there something special you would like?"

"Just to spend the day with you."

I hadn't meant to say it, but it slipped out before I could stop myself. It was true, I just didn't know if Bella was ready to hear things like that from me.

"That means a lot to me, Edward, thank you." She stopped at her classroom door and stood on her tip toes, wrapping her hand around my neck to bring me down so she could kiss my cheek.

So much for the no PDA rule.

"I'll see you in class later." She whispered before pulling back. She walked off into her class without looking at me. But as she sat I got a small wink. It made the corner of my mouth lift into a smile. I couldn't get it to go away, not that I wanted it to, but my teacher at one point asked me why I was smirking. I just shrugged, and the smile stayed in place.

By the time chemistry rolled around I had been thinking if maybe there was something special I would like to make with Bella tomorrow. Maybe a dessert that we could share? Watching her cook all the time had sparked my own interest in furthering my knowledge of kitchen know-how. I was willing to experiment in the kitchen with her.

Wait, that could come across as dirty. I didn't mean that in a dirty way.

"So I was thinking about that 'something special'." I said to Bella as she came to stand beside me at our lab station.

"What 'something special'?" Bella questioned back looking confused. She dipped down to stash her bag under the counter and sat on the stool, notebook and pen ready.

"For dinner tomorrow."

"Oh, right. What did you have in mind?"

"How about-"

"Ok, class. Today we're doing the identification of unknown solution with alkaline halides."

I swear Mr. Banner has the worst timing of any of my teachers. Ever.

"We'll come up with something at lunch." Bella promised me and headed up to the front to get the packet for today's lab and the necessary equipment.

We spent the next hour testing the relative solubility of alkaline earths, the relative oxidizing powers of the halogens, and identifying an unknown alkaline earth halide. We made only one slip up this time, because I wasn't paying attention and added the wrong anion to the alkaline earth anion. But we had a 24-well plate to test on, so we just did it over and got it right the second time. Our unknown turned out to be magnesium, which was the right answer. The group next to Bella and I also indentified their unknown as magnesium and I had a sneaking suspicion they only got it because they were copying Bella and I and not going by the directions at all.

By the time the class was over I had had enough of chemistry this week to last me a lifetime. Bella was actually skipping out the door. She seemed pleased with our results once more. I gave her a quick hug and promised to see her at lunch.

When I got to the cafeteria Bella was already at the table talking animatedly with Emmett and Jasper. She had a piece of paper in front of her and was writing down what appeared to be a list.

"Hey," I greeted her with a smile and took my usual seat next to her.

"Hey, I was just asking Jasper what you usually like to eat on Thanksgiving and he was telling me that you have a certain affection for pie."

I threw a look at Jasper, who just laughed in his seat. Emmett went off about the scene from _American Pie_ and warned Bella about leaving me alone in the kitchen too long with freshly baked desserts. I wanted to leap across the table and strangle the bastard, but I held myself in check. Bella shook with light laughter in her seat.

"Don't worry, I don't believe anything he says." She whispered to me, placing her hand on my knee.

"That's wise," Jasper commended her. "So you two are spending the whole day together tomorrow?" He asked, turning to me now.

"Yeah," I answered simply, taking a bite out of my sandwich.

"Well, cooking is not going to take all day so maybe we can hang out and get some work done." Bella offered.

"Yeah, work." Emmett winked at us and Bella chucked the paper wrapper from her cookies at him.

"Why are you such an ass?"

"Why are you in denial?" He challenged back.

I ignored it. I finished my sandwich instead and downed my soda.

"Denial." Emmett muttered from down the table.

"What time should I come over tomorrow?" I asked Bella, attempting to dissuade Emmett from bothering me further.

"Come over in the morning, we'll make breakfast."

That sounded perfect to me.

When I headed out the next morning my dad wasn't home so I no one to say goodbye to, or even good morning for that matter. I left him a note on the table by the door so I knew he would see when he got back and put his keys down.

I stopped and grabbed some food to make for breakfast not knowing if Bella had gone shopping yet this week. She opened the door with a huge smile on her face. I noticed as I walked in behind her that she was very dressed down, and I liked it. She had thrown on a grey sweatshirt that said 'Love Is A Drug' on it, faded jeans and purple socks. I had gone for my typical band t-shirt and jeans today, but I kicked my sneakers off when I was inside and followed Bella into the kitchen in my socks.

She hadn't started cooking anything yet, but she had a fresh pot of coffee going. It smelled so good that I wanted to drink it straight from the pot. "Is that hazelnut coffee?"

"Yeah, I thought we might change it up a little."

We took the morning slow, cooking breakfast and laughing over the stove. Bella scrambled some amazing eggs with the cheese I had bought while I put together a small casserole that Jasper's mom had always made at the holidays with potatoes, peppers, onion, sausage, and the eggs.

"This is beyond good, Edward." Bella said through a mouthful.

"I'm glad you like it, I always looked forward to this at Thanksgiving and Christmas."

Bella reached across to the table to place her hand on mine. "I'm sorry you hardly spent the holidays with your own father." She apologized gently.

"Don't be." I told her confidently, "I saw him in the morning, but that was usually when he was heading out to the hospital. He was happy that I wasn't alone, he told me once when I was younger. He comes home at night to spend some time with me."

"Yeah, my dad comes home at night today and Christmas, too. He knows its right. I'm going to put some food aside for him later."

"Can I take some home for my dad, just so I know he eats something?"

"Yeah, of course."

We shared a smile, gazing at each other for a minute. We had a deeper connection than either of us understood, but it was there. I offered Bella some more of the casserole, which she happily accepted. After breakfast we cleaned up and Bella dressed up the turkey breast and stuck in the oven.

We set up in the living room with our homework with the TV on in the background. Over the next few hours we managed to tackle through several subjects, including getting ahead on the chemistry project that was going to be due right before Christmas break.

"Hungry for some lunch?" Bella asked around one.

"Yeah, what are my options?" I teased.

"I can make some soup, I have stuff for sandwiches. We can go out and grab something if you want."

They all sounded good, but I didn't know if there was anything in particular that I really wanted. Well, there was one thing. "Sandwiches?" I asked, shrugging my shoulders.

"Ok, I'll be back in a couple minutes." Bella ruffled my hair as she got up, humming to herself as she walked off toward the kitchen to make us lunch.

After our brief lunch break we finished up homework for the weekend. We then sequestered ourselves in the kitchen for the better part of the afternoon. Bella occupied herself at the stove as she went over in a well-used cookbook several traditional recipes. I sat at the table cutting vegetables for her various dishes.

"Is that your cookbook?" I asked her as I sliced some celery.

"No, it was my grandmother's, and it's all handwritten, so it's really hard to decipher." Bella explained, glancing over her shoulder. She stood with one hand on her hip the other holding a wooden spoon as she moved it down the page trying to read the writing.

"Need some help?" I offered, already up and walking over to her. I stood behind her trying to read the scrawling handwriting over her shoulder. "My dad's a doctor, I'm used to handwriting like this."

Bella laughed soundly and moved out of the way so I could try my hand at reading the recipe. It was for cornbread stuffing, that much I could gather from the title.

"I have the cornbread in the oven already and it'll be ready in ten minutes. But I can't tell what's next." She pointed to a particular passage. I made out some measurements but I couldn't decipher the actual ingredients.

"Oh, roasted chestnuts!" I exclaimed, finally seeing the heavily flourished 'C' at the beginning of the line.

"Oh," Bella looked a little disappointed when I turned to her. "I didn't buy any…" She bit her lower lip. "Do you think I can substitute something else?"

"Um," I turned back to the recipe. Underneath in tiny scrawl it said 'if chestnuts are not available, substitute with walnuts.' "Do you have any walnuts?" I asked.

"Yeah, I have some in the freezer." Bella grabbed them while I figured out the rest of the recipe. We needed the celery I was chopping, some baked sausage and the cornbread.

Once we had the stuffing in the oven to cook Bella started boiling a few potatoes and I put together a snack tray for us to nibble on. The rest of dinner consisted of a couple vegetable dishes for two and the cranberry sauce.

We sat down to eat around five, which was typical dinner time for both of us, so we were easily hungry and everything smelled so good I couldn't wait to dive in. "Ok, so at Jasper's house his mother always says we go around the table and say what we're thankful for." I explained as I made up a plate for Bella.

"Ok," She picked up her fork and took a bite of the turkey while she thought. "Ok, I'm thankful for having three new, really good friends, but I'm most thankful for one of them who has been a light in my world for the past several weeks." She smiled at me brightly, reaching out to touch my hand.

"I'm thankful for you, too, Bella." I whispered in response, staring into her eyes.

"That's not fair, you have to come up with something original."

"There's nothing that I'm more thankful for today than you." I told her sincerely.

I could tell she was trying really hard not to cry, and I wanted to reach across the table and kiss her so she knew just how serious I was. But I held myself back. We still hadn't defined what we were together and I didn't want to give Bella the wrong idea if she wasn't thinking the same thing I was.

We ate in silence for a few minutes; accept for my moaning every other bite, which made Bella laugh. The girl could really cook, and I knew I would have to make her teach me.

"What do you want to do after dinner?" I asked as I took seconds of everything. It was too good not to. Bella had already put aside a plate of food for her dad and for mine, which were sitting covered in foil on top of the stove.

"Just watch TV." Bella shrugged. "Oh, and I have a surprise for you that I made last night." She winked at me.

"Is it food?"

"You'll just have to wait and see, won't you?" Bella asked as she got up with her empty plate.

"It's not nice to tease, Bella."

"Yeah, and your point is?"

And so I waited. I waited while Bella cleared the table and I put the leftovers away. I waited while she did the dishes and I picked up all of our stuff out in the living room. I waited while she deliberately dried the dishes by hand. I waited until she walked out into the living room with said surprise, two plates, and two forks.

"Holy shit, is that a chocolate pie?" I asked, almost unable to believe it.

"It's a homemade chocolate pie, and no you can't make love to it."

"Hey!" I laughed out loud. "That's really below the belt."

"Will this make up for it?" Bella asked and handed me a slice of the pie.

"More than make up for it." I gratefully accepted the dessert and we sat together on the couch to enjoy it while watching Thanksgiving episodes of different sitcoms.

It had been an overall perfect holiday, despite that neither of us had seen our fathers yet, we had at least spent the day with each other and weren't alone. I wondered briefly what Bella would have done this year had we not been friends. It made my heart ache to think of her spending today alone with no one to celebrate with.

After a while we curled up together on the couch, cuddling under the blanket that was thrown across the back of it. Bella, apparently cold, snuggled close enough for me to feel her as she breathed in and out. I couldn't help the effect it had on my body, I was after all a man, but I did my best to suppress it.

"Are you tired?" I asked a bit later. It was getting close to eight in the evening now and I was wondering if maybe I should head home and see if my dad was there.

"Not really," Bella yawned. She turned in my arms, with a little difficulty since our space together on the couch was rather limited. She was now facing me, her chest pressed against my own so I could feel her heart beating, and I knew she could feel my own excitement.

Having her so close, feeling the proximity of her body against my own with her sweet floral fragrance filling the air around me, was just too much and I couldn't help myself as I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers in a searing kiss. It nearly matched the intensity of our kiss from Halloween. Bella responded eagerly, attempting to reposition herself and throw one leg across my hip. I did my best to accommodate her, managing to wrap one arm underneath her and up around her back so I could pull her even closer to me.

Bella was clearly eager to kiss me, her hands trying to grab at my hair, my shirt, my shoulders, anywhere she could reach. I was equally eager, running my hands over her body anywhere I could. Her back, her stomach, her breasts. Our kiss deepened, making us both moan loudly at the contact we stimulated. This was quickly going somewhere it shouldn't right now, if ever, but I just couldn't stop.

"Wait," Bella hissed, pulling back suddenly from me. My hand was grazing the waist of her jeans, but I don't think my touch was what had made her stop. She listened to the room around us for a minute, but all I could hear was the TV.

But then there was the unmistakable sound of a car door slamming in the driveway.

"Shit!" We both cursed together. Bella got up off the couch, clearly panicking about what to do.

"Get back over here," I told her and she stared down at me flabbergasted.

"Are you crazy?"

"Trust me, come here." I laid back down on the couch, holding the blanket up and motioned for her to lay back down with me.

Bella got back down on the, cuddling up against me just as the door opened. We both shut our eyes and pretended to be asleep as the door closed. I heard the sound of Charlie's boots moving across the hallway, stopping at the kitchen, and then out into the living room.

I felt his presence behind the couch as he stared down at us. I wanted to crack one eye open to see if he actually was standing there, but I remained lying still, my arm draped across Bella's back. Eventually I heard Charlie move away from the living room and another door downstairs opened and closed quietly.

We waited another minute or so to see if he would come back out, and when he didn't Bella and I both got up quietly and cleaned up the dessert dishes. "Maybe I should head out?" I asked as we finished up.

"I think that's a good idea." Bella agreed, although I could tell she wasn't thrilled with the idea. "I wish you would stay, though. It was really nice laying with you like that."

I stood there in silence for a minute hating myself for having to leave her, but then an idea popped into my head. "Hey, why don't I head home and see if my dad is there at least and leave him the food, then I'll come back for the night."

"Ok, but do yourself a favor and don't knock on the door. Text me when you get here."

"No problem," I leaned in and kissed her forehead. Bella stood in her doorway waving as I drove off, looking utterly crestfallen, but hopefully I would be back rather quickly and we could return to snuggling.

My dad wasn't home yet when I got there so I threw out the note I had left this morning and replaced it with a new one telling him there was food for him in the kitchen and that I would be back some time tomorrow. I walked back over to Bella's since it wasn't really that far and stood outside her house around the side looking up at her window. The light was on so I texted her as she had asked and waited for the reply. I wasn't expecting what she answered with.

_My dad is still awake, can you climb up the tree outside my window and I'll open it when you get up here ~ Sry – B_

I sighed heavily as I looked at the massive ash tree in front of me. This was not going to be easy. I could break something…important.

_Be right up ; ) – E_

I took a breath and reached up to pull my body onto the first branch. The first level was easy, the branches were huge and supported my weight without effort, but as I moved up the tree and the branches grew increasingly smaller, I began to fear for my own well being.

I knocked lightly on the window when I was high enough to reach it. It opened quietly and Bella offered me her hand. I moved one foot carefully to the sill, holding tightly to Bella, and then moved my other leg up and into the sill. I hopped down from the window easily into her room and she shut the window behind me.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" she asked teasingly.

"It was terrifying," I faked a shudder as I removed my sneakers, "don't make me do that again."

Bella was already changed into a pair of sleep shorts and a t-shirt as she hopped up on her bed. I noticed she had her TV on t provide background noise, or maybe it was so her father wouldn't hear the two of us up here.

"Come on," She patted her bed invitingly. I took my jeans off and my coat, leaving them on the floor beside my sneakers and climbed beside her under the blanket. "Much better," she sighed, snuggling into me. "You know, I'm going to have a particularly hard time sleeping alone after tonight."

"Yeah, me, too."

"Maybe we should do something about that?" She looked up at me from under her lashes. At first it didn't hit me what she was talking about, but then the light bulb went off.

"Can we talk about something first?" I asked.

Bella was kissing the tips of my fingers again, but she nodded. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Us," I answered simply. No point in beating around the subject anymore.

"What about us?"

I took a breath as I worded in my head what I wanted to say, what I wanted to ask really. "How do you see us right now?"

"I see us as friends…" She started, and I heard it in there.

"But," I lead her on.

"But…I think there could be something. I know when we first started hanging out there was something there between us. I couldn't deny it, I just didn't know what it was."

I nodded in agreement, "Yeah, I felt it, too." At the time I didn't know what to call it either, but over the last few weeks it's becoming clearer to me. "Where do you see us going?" I asked her next.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, considering what happened tonight, and assuming it could happen again in the future, do you see us becoming something like friends with benefits, or maybe something more than that? Let me ask you this, what do you want for us?"

Bella chewed on her bottom lip for a moment as she thought over what I had just put before her. I knew it was a lot to ask her to think about considering this was the first time we had ever truly discussed where our future together as a couple could go, but I needed an answer. If she didn't want the same things I did, I didn't know if I could continue being 'just friends' without hurting her in the end. And I would never be able to live with myself if that happened.

"I don't want friends with benefits." She told me resolutely. She reached up to lay her hand on my chest over my t-shirt, slowly running it up and down. "I want more than that. I want to be with you, Edward."

I felt the air rush out of me as the words left her mouth. I don't know why I had been so afraid she would turn everything down. Perhaps it was the hesitation with which she had first presented when I tried to kiss her on that first afternoon back in September. But we had both come a significant distance since then and she was no longer hesitant now.

"I want to be with you, too, Bella." I replied confidently. I leaned in closing the space between us to kiss her passionately. I wanted to go for a repeat of downstairs, but I didn't think rushing in was the best idea after we had just declared ourselves.

"Do you think we should tell Emmett and Jasper?" She asked when we broke apart a minute later.

"I don't think we'll be able to hide it from them."

"It's ok with me if they know so long as they keep it between the four of us. This is ours, Edward, and no one else's."

I nodded. "I agree, but let me ask you, do you want to keep up the rule of no PDAs?"

"Just in public. If its me, you, Em, and Jazz it's ok."

I kissed the tip of her nose with a smile. "Ok,"

"There's something else we need to talk about." She whispered as she snuggled a little closer under the blanket, pressing the full length of her body up against mine. I knew what she was getting in since my very obvious arousal was pressed against her abdomen.

"I don't think we should rush in to it."

"I don't think we should rush in to it either. I'd rather continue to take things slowly. This is so new for me."

"It's new for me, too, Bella. But, can I ask you a personal question."

"Anything,"

"Are you a virgin?"

"No," Bella laughed quietly, "But I wish I could back and change it."

"You shouldn't regret your first time."

"I don't necessarily regret it, I just wish it could have been different."

"Can I ask who it was?"

Bella pulled her bottom lip between her teeth again. She was going to severely chap it if she didn't stop, but it was so endearing I couldn't bring myself to protest.

"Mike," She answered in a tiny, ashamed voice.

"Newton?"

"Yeah," Bella smiled sheepishly and tried to hide under her blanket. "I was stupid and impulsive and I shouldn't have done it."

"Can I ask what you wish was different about it?"

"The guy," Bella replied from under the blanket. I laughed to myself, muffling the sound in her pillow.

"Well, I wish my first time had been with a different girl. I was drunk, and stupid, and she threw herself at me so I said 'what the hell, why not?'."

Bella's head peaked out from under the blanket. "Jessica or Lauren?"

"Now why do you immediately assume it was one of them?"

"Just something Jessica Stanley said to me a while back. She likes to stop me in the hallway after chemistry class and try to get a rise out of me where you and I are concerned."

I would address that in a moment, but I had to answer her question first. "Jessica," I said heavily. "Now what does she say to you?"

"Why, so you can fix it?"

"No, well yes. I hate everything about her. And I certainly won't let her get away with upsetting you, not after the shit she said to you in September."

Bella smiled brightly and leaned up to kiss me. "Aren't you just a knight in shining armor?"

"Only for you,"

We kissed lazily for a minute, simply enjoying the feel of being in one another's arms. "She just likes to make snarky comments about why you would want someone like me. And she tried to get a rise out of me a couple weeks ago by making the insinuation that I could never please the way she and Lauren had."

"First off, I don't want anyone but you. And second, everything you do pleases me, no matter how small."

"You can't be this perfect, Edward, its just not possible."

"I'm one hundred percent sincere." I laid my hand over my heart for dramatic effect.

"Wise ass." Bella laughed at me. We kissed again and Bella finally started to fall asleep. I reached over her shoulder to turn the light out, and turned off her TV with the remote, leaving my arm draped lightly across her waist.

It was definitely going to be harder now to sleep alone.


	8. Anywhere

**Chapter 8, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**BPOV**

Over the course of the weeks following Thanksgiving I felt like I was walking on air. Despite that Edward and I had declared ourselves to each other, we hadn't said those three little words yet, and I wasn't rushing it. But I still felt like everything was right in the world. And that was exceedingly new for me, and slightly terrifying. There were days when I would wake up and spend the proceeding twenty-four hours waiting for the other shoe to fall, and when it never did I went to bed fearing it would fall the next day.

Speaking of going to bed, since Thanksgiving Edward and I had not spent a night apart. Whether it be at my house or his, usually his since he had the bigger bed, we always spent the night together now, finding it more than difficult to sleep without the other one there.

The Monday following Thanksgiving Edward and I let Emmett and Jasper know at lunch that he and I were now dating exclusively, but that was to stay between the four of us. Both of Edward's friends promised to keep it that way, Jasper understanding more than Emmett the luxury of privacy, since Emmett had to make everything he did public.

In the past few weeks since we had made things official between us, Edward and I have tried to spend as much time together as possible, because we wanted to, not that we felt obligated to do so. I wanted to be around him as much as possible because he made me so happy. And that happiness was more than addictive.

We haven't had sex yet, since we had both agreed not to rush things between us for the time being, but with each passing day I could feel the sexual tension mounting and I knew sooner rather than later it was going to explode.

I made it a point this morning to put on the particular pair of jeans that I knew Edward loved so much on me because today I was feeling particularly snarky about the night before. Edward and I had been hanging out at his house, in his room, on his bed. He had decided that an impromptu make-out session was in order with his father home just a few doors down the hall, not that when he was actually present he ever paid us any attention.

With that considered, Edward therefore thought it was a good idea to get a little handsy with me and try to stick his fingers in my underwear. I had agreed to a no boundaries rule with him, but not when his father was in the house. So today, I would make him suffer for it. I can be so mean when I want to be.

I threw on a t-shirt and some jewelry as well as my rain boots, after looking out my window to see that it was raining, yet again. I grabbed my favorite green and cream plaid jacket and put it on before heading outside to meet Edward, who was picking me up.

I kissed him in greeting, letting him wrap his arms around me. If my dad was actually home and saw us I could have cared less, but since he had already left for the morning it was a moot point.

"Good morning." Edward whispered against my lips with a smile.

"Good morning," I whispered back, not caring that it was raining on us, albeit lightly.

We stopped at the local bakery to grab some coffee then headed off for school. As soon as we got there I was going to put my plan for the day into motion. I was going to attempt to bend over as much as I usually did, but hold it for a second longer, just to aggravate him.

The first time came at chemistry when I stooped down to put my messenger bag under the bench. I heard Edward suck in a sharp breath behind me, and when I stood back up he was discreetly trying to adjust himself under the table. Score: Bella 1, Edward 0.

The second was just before lunch when we stopped at my locker so I could put some books away and I "accidently" dropped the pen out of my notebook. I insisted on picking it up since it was closer to me, and this time Edward groaned quietly. Bella 2, Edward still 0.

I knew by the end of the day he was going to want to kill me. Maybe next time he'll think before trying to feel me up when his father is home. It was still raining when we got in his car after the last class of the day. Edward grumbled the entire drive back to his house. I smirked to myself in my seat, staring out the window at the rain as it fell.

"You want to explain to me what the fuck was going on today?" Edward asked once he had parked in his driveway. I noticed the lack of his father's car.

"I think you know." I answered him, turning so I was looking him straight in the eye.

"No, I don't."

"You don't remember last night?"

"Of course I do, you wouldn't let me do anything. And then after that you decide to give me a serious case of blue balls all day."

"Maybe next time you'll think twice before trying to touch me in inappropriate places when your father is in the same house."

"You don't care when your dad is home." Edward retorted sounding like a petulant child.

"Because we don't do that when my dad is home. Not that that is much of an occurrence anyway." I muttered the last line, crossing my arms over my chest.

Edward just huffed and got out of the car. I watched him cross in front of it and stop at my side. He pulled the door open and offered me his hand. "Come on, Bella, I'm getting wet."

"At least one of us is." I grinned up at him from my seat, but I didn't move.

Edward suddenly grabbed my hand and yanked me from the car pulling me toward his house. "No, stop." I laughed at him as he wrapped one arm around my waist pulling me to his side. "Stop, that tickles!"

He shut the door once we were inside and kicked his shoes off. I pulled off my rain boots and removed my jacket hanging it on the rack by the door.

"Now who's all wet?" Edward laughed at me. He had drops of water clinging to his hair over his forehead. I like him this way. He moved a little closer to me so I could reach up and loop my arms around his neck. He then intentionally pushed me against the closest wall and pressed his body against mine. He was clearly aroused, if the bulge against my abdomen was any indication. "You still haven't answered my question."

I shook my head at him, drawing my lower lip between my teeth. "I am," I finally whispered in response.

"Are you really?" Edward pressed himself against me more, if that was at all possible.

I leaned up so my mouth was right against his ear. After a minute of nibbling on it I whispered, "Why don't you find out for yourself?"

When I pulled back I was met with the darkest green eyes I had ever seen. Fire was burning in them as Edward stared me down, but it wasn't anger. It was pure, unadulterated lust.

In a flash he leaned in closing the space between us, sweeping me up into his arms so min were forced around his body. He held me close as we moved away from the wall and toward the stairs, our lips never parting. Edward picked me up once we reached the landing so I could wrap my legs around his waist, making it easier to get upstairs.

He started to try and peel my shirt off but I stopped him, finally breaking our kiss. "What if your father comes home and sees a trail of clothes going upstairs?"

"So what?" Edward panted.

"I care,"

Edward carried me the rest of the way upstairs effortlessly, and locked his bedroom door behind us. Before he resumed his attack on me however, he grabbed a couple condoms from his nightstand, I assumed so he wouldn't forget about it later. I was touched by the responsibility.

Edward stood in the middle of his room for a moment staring around. I had been in here plenty of times, but right now it felt different. I quickly stripped off my t-shirt so my upper half was left only in my bra. Edward chucked his hoodie and stripped off his own t-shirt.

He then closed the space between us once more, but this time he slowed down and took his time kissing me. It was a deep, searing kiss that I felt in my toes, but it wasn't rushed. When he finally parted from me he didn't break contact with my skin, instead he drew his lips down my neck, the light stubble on his cheeks scratching as he went. It was unexpected but not unpleasant.

We rid each other of the jeans we were wearing. I hadn't considered that this was going to happen today and so I had put on a regular pair of underwear this morning, nothing fancy. But apparently Edward enjoyed my boy shorts.

"Jesus, if I wasn't so ready to screw you senseless right now I would tell you to keep those on and nothing else." He breathed heavily. I watched as he licked his lips, probably imagining me walking around in just my boy shorts.

He scooped me up and laid me down on the bed, quickly climbing up and joining me so he was hovering above me, his mouth back on my neck. When he reached behind me to unclasp my bra I stopped him and requested that just this time I keep it on. Edward seemed a little confused, but I had always been uncomfortable with my bra off. I don't know why.

"Whatever makes you comfortable, Bella." He panted in my ear. I could tell he was getting desperate, and I had already teased him enough today, so I quickly rid him of his shorts. Edward returned the favor, dragging my panties down until they were on the floor with the rest of our clothing.

"I need you to make room for me, Bells." He whispered, propping himself up.

I had suddenly become very nervous as an old memory popped into my head. I clamped my knees shut and couldn't move. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment then opened them and looked up at Edward.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I shook my head, lying.

"Something's wrong. You just shut down."

"It's ok. Keep going." I shifted my hips beneath him making him gasp and close his eyes for a moment.

"I can't unless you make room for me."

I parted my knees a little bit, but as Edward started to settle between them nerves got the better of me once more and I started to shut them. Edward reached down gently placing his hand over my heart.

"Relax," he whispered. "What's making you so nervous?"

I couldn't tell him, it was so embarrassing. And it shouldn't even matter. I had vowed never to let it bother me, but it clearly was. "I…can't." I told him and rolled over so I was facing away from him.

All of the energy and fire was gone from me now. I had completely destroyed this first moment for us. I knew Edward was going to hate me. He was so pent up and sexually frustrated, and I was just leading him on. This was not how I wanted our first time to be.

Edward sighed heavily beside me and I heard him moving as if he were getting off the bed. I rolled over quickly. "What are you doing?" I asked as I watched him pull his shorts on.

"If you're not going to try and talk to me I'm going to go take a shower." He stated simply.

"Wait," I reached over and grabbed at his hand where it lay on the bed.

Edward gazed down at me and I could see some of the frustration in his eyes, but I didn't know if it was with me or the situation. He sat down on the side of the bed so he was facing me. I withdrew my hand and moved over to make room for him.

"Will you talk to me?" he asked seriously.

"Yes," I nodded, and moved over some more.

Edward got back in bed with me and I sat up pulling my knees to my chest with the sheet over them. "I told you I've only had sex a handful of times, and it's been a long time since the last time. Almost a year."

Edward nodded, lying on his side so he was facing me. "It's been a long time for me, too, Bella."

"The last time I had sex…well, it didn't end well. Which is was I stopped seeing the guy."

"Mike?" Edward guessed.

"No…uh…you may not know him. Um…Jacob Black. He lives on the reservation."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No, he um…" I felt a ton of blood rushing to my face in embarrassment. "He told me…He told me I was horrible sex." I finally admitted.

Edward didn't say anything. He just laid there staring at me as I hid my face in my arms. "Please say something." I exclaimed when the silence started to get to me.

He didn't. He just sat up and placed a finger under my chin and lifted my face so he could kiss me. The next moment I was kissing him with equal fervor and he was pushing me down onto my back. We didn't say anything as the kiss progressed.

I could feel the spark from earlier slowly reigniting between us. Edward reached down and removed his shorts. I heard him grab another condom from his nightstand and put it on. This time when he tried to push my knees apart I let him.

He slipped between them easily, grabbing my left leg and hitching it to his hip. I shifted underneath him so I lay flat on my back. Edward lined himself up then grabbed both my arms and pinned them down beside my head, trapping me underneath his body.

"There's only one way for me to able to offer an accurate opinion. But we can still stop."

"No," I answered firmly. I wasn't afraid of him. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. I was more afraid of myself, that I wouldn't be able to make him feel good.

Edward reached down again and grabbed my right leg so both were now around his waist. "Try and angle your hips up. That's it. Trust me,"

"I do,"

I threw my head back as he slid inside for the first time. I knew he was big, bigger than the other two guys I had slept with, and I had been anticipating some pain from lack of sex over the past year. I wasn't ready for the deep pressure that followed as Edward finally settled, our bodies completely joined. It hurt, but it was a good pain that I didn't mind.

"You ok?" He asked, letting my arms go so he could support himself on his own.

"I'm fine,"

We started moving together trying to find a rhythm. I kept my legs locked around his hips the best I could, and tried to tilt mine up as I pushed back to meet each of his thrusts. Edward grunted and groaned above me, his face buried in my neck.

He panted words of encouragement in my ear when I started to freeze. I could feel the muscles in his back and legs quivering under the skin. He slowed down when he was on the brink and picked his head up, gazing down at me.

"I can't hold on, Bella."

"It's ok."

A look of sympathy crossed his face for a moment, but as soon as it appeared it was gone. Edward wrapped an arm around me pulling me up so we were sitting on the bed facing each other. Never before had I been in this position. It changed the angle significantly, enough so that Edward began to spasm as he pumped upwards into me, breathing heavily in my ear.

As his orgasm ebbed away he laid me back down, relaxing his body so he didn't crush me. I lay on my back as he rolled off me, separating our bodies completely. He turned over for a minute to dispose of the condom and rolled back to face me. "I'm sorry,"

"For what?" I asked.

"You didn't…" he started, seemingly embarrassed to finish his sentence.

"It's ok, Edward. It doesn't always happen for me."

"Well, that's not very fair."

I merely shrugged. I had always had trouble reaching climax with Mike and Jacob, and when we finished they would always and try help me, but it never worked. I never had trouble when I was alone, however, mostly because I wasn't thinking of sex with Mike or Jacob.

"You should be able to enjoy yourself, too." Edward appeared genuinely concerned as he said it.

"I did." I assured him. "Edward, just because I didn't come doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it."

My statement didn't seem to pacify him, because he inched over towards me forcing me to lie down on my back. "What are you doing?" I asked as he positioned himself above me, aligning our bodies so they were perfectly parallel. He smiled slyly at me, which concerned me.

"Don't be a wiseass," I warned him.

"I'm not. Relax," He pressed the weight of his body down on mine. I sighed contently when I felt the hard length of him against my thigh and wanted to reach down and touch him, but Edward grabbed my hand before it could get very far and he pinned it by the wrist next to my head.

Edward leaned down so his face was mere inches from mine, his hair falling in his eyes. "I think you should feel as good as I do. So I'm going to help you." He then slowly began to snake his hand down my chest.

He stopped to cup my breasts and roll them in his palm individually. His lips were against mine in soft, passionate kisses as he continued the journey down my body. He ran his hand along my lower abdomen, the muscles twitching underneath in anticipation. I parted my knees making enough room for him as he moved his hand lower, finally cupping me between my legs.

I let out a strangled moan, surprising myself from the intensity of it. I didn't miss the smug grin on Edward's face. He knew exactly what he was doing to me. He knew this worked. It didn't take much effort on his part since I was already so wound up from sex, but that didn't diminish the force of my orgasm as it rocked through me making me cling to Edward as he coaxed me through it with his fingers.

"Better?" He asked once I had calmed down beside him.

"Yes," I said it as I let out a breath. We laid in silence for some time just staring at each other, our bodies too spent to move. I watched the expressions as they flickered across Edward's face and tried to guess what he was thinking. I thought it might have something to do with what I had said earlier, but I wasn't sure.

I decided to just take my chances and ask him.

"Are you thinking about what I said?"

"A little," he admitted.

"I appreciate the thought, Edward, but you don't have to worry about it."

"I'm not worried. I'm trying to think of ways to bliss you out."

I bushed deeply. "I think you're current method is sufficient enough."

Edward leaned in to me placing a searing kiss on my lips. He wrapped a hand around my waist drawing me close to him so our bodies were pressed together under the sheet. It was very sweet and tender, but passionate and the moment made me want to grab the sheet and throw it over our heads so we could get busy again underneath it.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of." Edward told me later as we moved around his kitchen getting things together to make dinner. Tonight was chicken fried rice since I decided it was time for him to step out of his comfort zone of just stirring things in a pot.

"Do you have a wok?" I asked, opening random cabinets, intentionally avoiding his comment.

"What's a wok?"

"Never mind, I found it." I grabbed the bowl shaped frying pan and set it on the stove then turned the gas on to warm it up.

"Are you going to say anything?" Edward asked behind me as he watched me pour some oil in the pan followed by the rice we had already cooked.

"About what?" Yes, I was aloof on purpose.

"About earlier."

I moved the rice and vegetables around in the pan for a couple minutes without answering him, focusing on the task at hand. He had no idea how embarrassing it had always been for me with Mike and Jacob, granted I only sex a handful of times between the both of them, but I was still never able to climax when I was dating either of them.

I turned the gas down on the stove and grabbed the chicken that Edward had cut up and tossed it into a frying pan with a little oil and told him to brown it. "What do you want me to say?" I asked as I returned to the rice and vegetables.

"I don't want you to say anything you don't think is true."

"What the hell does that mean?" I asked out loud, although I had not intended to, and I knew I sounded like an utter bitch when it came out. "Sorry, I didn't meant o snap. It's just…frustrating. There, that's a word for you."

Edward grinned slightly from where he stood next to me, head bowed over the stove as he moved the chicken around in the pan. Why the fuck was he smiling like that? Was this amusing to him?

"What's so funny?"

"You're cute when you're flustered."

I sighed heavily and added some soy and teriyaki sauce to the rice. While it cooked down I quickly scrambled a couple eggs and tossed them in when they were done. Edward tipped the finished chicken into the wok and I let him toss it around a bit to finish the dish off.

"You cook really well when you're upset." He commented as we sat down at the table. "You're completely focused on what you're doing and the food always comes out amazing."

I put my fork down, unable to eat and simply stared at my plate. "Do you think there's something wrong with me?" I asked out loud.

"Absolutely not, Bella." He said it sincerely. He put his fork down and I could feel his eyes on me, not that I knew since I had covered my face with my hands. "You haven't had the opportunity to discover what you like when you're with a guy."

"I know what I like with you." I muttered.

"During sex?"

I let my hands fall and glanced at him. Edward had no judgment on his face, no frustration, no ridicule. He had taken the time upstairs to help make me feel as good as he did. Neither Mike nor Jacob had done that for me. They were more interested in 'get in, get off, get out' then making the experience good.

"I guess I'm not used to it." I finally admitted. I picked my fork back and started eating.

Edward smiled confidently at me. "You will be."


	9. Lost In Paradise

**Chapter 9, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

"Ow…" I moaned quietly from my chair. "How did you stand this?" I looked over my shoulder at my girlfriend.

Bella scoffed from where she sat perched on the stool next to me, looking at her nails. "Don't be such a wimp." She scolded me. "It's just a needle."

"Yeah, a needle injecting ink into my skin. Holy shit that stings!"

"I did say it would hurt." Michael, my tattoo artist reminded me as he moved the needle over my arm. I had blocked out the buzzing within the first minute, but the pain was still there.

It was only a week after the first time Bella and I had (finally) had sex. I had seen the tattoo on her back several times before, and it had intrigued me. But as we had been laying in my bed that night after dinner, and round two, I asked her what she thought of me getting a tattoo.

"It's up to you," She had said.

"But what if I want to get a tattoo about you?"

Bella had seemed hesitant to answer that question and I called her out on it. "You don't think we have enough potential to be that serious?"

"No, I think we have enough potential." She reached out and traced my hand with hers. "I just didn't know you wanted something like that."

"Well, I do." I told her resolutely. And so the following week we headed into Port Angeles together. I was getting her name tattooed across my left bicep in script and Bella was having my name added to the shooting stars she had tattooed across her back.

Yes, it was cheesy, but it meant something to us. I flinched again from the burn of the needle and heard Bella scoff behind me once more.

"How did you not flinch when you got yours done?"

"I was lying my on my stomach the whole time, I was pretty much sleeping."

"When did you get it done?" Michael asked, looking up for a moment from my arm. He removed the needle and wiped at the ink.

"Right before I turned eighteen. I had to beg my dad to come with me. But in the end he said it was ok."

I knew Bella was lying. She had gotten it done months before her eighteenth birthday with a fake ID and had driven all the way to Seattle to do it. When I asked her how she got there she mentioned Jacob's name since at the time they were still friends even though they were no longer dating.

I flinched only a couple more times over the next half hour as Michael finished up the work on my arm. After ten minutes or so the pain began to go away and was only a faint tickle. He finished cleaning up my new tattoo and wrapped it in a bandage then had Bella come over and lie down on her stomach on the padded table.

I helped her get her shirt hiked up and unsnapped her bra. The shooting stars on her back went from just below her right shoulder blade down across her back to below her ribs on the left side. It was beautiful work. She was having my name added below the fall of stars and wanted it undulating with the movement of her tattoo.

I sat next to her while Michael worked and we talked about getting future tattoos together. Bella was a real champ and didn't grimace at all, but then again she had more experience than me. I had to admit though that she had been right when she told me after you get one you want ten more. It was addicting.

"How is it?" Bella asked a little later as we sat waiting in the restaurant we had chosen for dinner.

"It stings a little, but it's not bad." I lifted the sleeve of my shirt to check on the bandage. Michael had informed us to leave them on for 1-2 hours then take them off and wash the area with warm, soapy water. Bella had a tin of 'goo' as she called it that had used on her back, and would be fine for us to use now.

Bella wiggled a little in her seat across from me in the booth. I imagined it was difficult for her to get comfortable. She took to leaning forward for the duration of the meal, which was helpful come dessert. We ordered a tiramisu for two, although Bella really ate most of it, and I fed her every other bite.

Contently full of good Italian food and cream we headed back to Forks. The plan had been to spend the night at my house since it was Saturday, but Bella asked if we could drive by her place to see if her father was home. I indulged her request and stopped a block away.

"Wow, I can't believe he's actually home." Bella whispered in the car.

"Did you need to get anything?"

"Just homework." She chewed her bottom lip for a moment while she contemplated what to do. "Wait here," Bella got out and headed up the street. I watched as she retrieved the hide-a-key from under the eave and let herself in.

I sat there for a few minutes idling before Bella came back out with books in her hands. She locked the door and returned the key to its hiding place. Rain had started to fall lightly in the interim while she was inside, and she rushed back to the car where it was dry.

"He was sleeping." She explained as she dropped into the seat next to me. "Which is encouraging. I never know if he's getting enough rest or not."

I pulled away from the curb and started back toward my house. "Was he on the couch?"

"Yeah, it was a little weird, and I thought about a leaving a note."

"Did you?"

"I let him know I was out and that there was leftovers in the fridge and a fresh can of coffee in the cabinet."

It was more than I would have done for my father. I would at the very least tell him I was out. Bella seemed to really care for her dad despite that he was never around, and she always made the effort to make sure he knew she loved him. I wasn't sure if my dad knew I loved him. I wasn't sure if I knew he loved me.

The remainder of the drive back to my house was awkwardly silent as we both sat there deep in thought. I was stewing over whether or not I should finally try and talk to my father. But every time an ounce of courage would show up the thought that he wouldn't want to hear me drove that courage back in to hiding.

When we got back to my house Bella went immediately into the kitchen and spread out her history homework. She had a paper due before Christmas break started in a couple weeks and she had yet to formulate her thesis. I grabbed my homework for Spanish and sat down next to her.

We barely talked over the next couple of hours, Bella too focused on trying to get the arguments in her head out onto her laptop, and me too frustrated with foreign grammar to really retain anything that I was reading.

"I give up, I can't come up with anything tonight." Bella finally said, throwing her pen down. She shut her laptop and leaned back in the chair, only to sit straight up and wince from her fresh tattoo.

"Let me look at it," I offered.

Bella leaned forward on the table and I raised her shirt. We had taken the bandages off a little while after we had gotten back and washed our tattoos. Bella's looked a little dry so I put some more 'goo' on it for her and fixed her shirt. She was going without a bra for now. Not that I could notice in the baggy t-shirt she was wearing, but just the thought that she had nothing on underneath her shirt was enough to arouse me.

"Want to go to bed?" I asked when I finished and had fixed her shirt.

"Not yet, I really need to get at least the first paragraph done. The first sentence is always the hardest." She laughed at the end. "After that the whole paper just flows."

"I think you should take a break and come to bed. Let it sit for another night."

Bella sighed heavily and looked at all of the work spread out in front of her. "Maybe you're right. Let's go." She got up and took my hand. I switched the lights off downstairs then followed her up to my bedroom.

I didn't sleep well that night. I was still thinking about my relationship with my dad, and how I wanted to improve it, but maybe it was just too late now. I didn't want to believe that, but the fact that he was so distant was too much to ignore. I didn't know what to do about it.

I finally felt tired around three, which the time he usually got home, and it typically woke me up in the middle of the night. But tonight I never heard his car in the driveway. I never heard the front door open and close. I never heard his footsteps on the stairs, or his own bedroom door just down the hall. Bella was fast asleep on her stomach beside me, her brown hair spilled out across the pillow.

I got up very carefully, not wanting to wake her, and walked out keeping the door cracked. I crept down the hall and opened my dad's bedroom to check inside. The bed was still made. He hadn't come home.

The next morning, after only four hours of restless sleep, I called his cell phone with no answer. I called the hospital, and Doctor Barnard, who was on duty this weekend, informed me that my father was away on a conference till Monday. Wow, thanks for letting me know, dad. I called his cell phone again, and this time he actually picked up.

"Hello, Edward,"

It was surprising to hear his voice sounding so calm and natural, and for a moment I was struck speechless. What the hell was I supposed to say?

"Hey," I grumbled into the phone. Yeah, that was the right way to start this conversation.

"What is it, son? I have to be in a meeting in ten minutes." It was like he didn't even care.

"You couldn't tell me you were going away this weekend?"

"Edward, I don't need to tell you the details of my life. I don't ask for yours. You're a grown man now, I'm sure you're doing just fine on your own."

I fisted one hand in my hair and yanked till it hurt. "That's not the point."

"What is the point then, Edward?"

I knew I was going to sound like such a pansy when I said this but I had to say it. He had to know. "I was worried that something had happened…when you didn't come home last night."

The other end of the line went silent. I didn't know if I had shocked him, or if I had touched a nerve. After a minute or so it started to really get to me and I could feel my temper flaring up again. I didn't want to wake Bella up, since she was still sleeping when I had come downstairs to make this call.

"Are you there?" I asked.

"I'm here, son."

"Don't you have anything to say?"

"I will keep in mind to let you know the next time I go away."

"That's it?" I challenged. He really didn't care about how I felt, did he? He didn't care that he was basically missing out on the life of his only son. The only thing he had left of the woman he loved, my mother. "You really don't care do you? You honestly don't give a shit about how I feel."

"Edward, I can't do this now, I have to go."

"No! I want to say something. I'm used to the pattern of you getting back late at night, but at least you come back. You've been more distant than usual over the past few months, and sometimes I think it would be better if I just moved out, but you're the only family I have and I can't bring myself to leave you alone. I'm afraid of the things you might do. And last night, when you didn't come back I thought…"

I couldn't finish the sentence. I had already said too much and I knew it. But I still had one more thing. "It would have been nice if you had at least left a note or a voicemail telling me you would be away for the weekend, just so I knew. I at least let you know when I'm gone. It would be nice if you returned the favor." With that I hung up. I didn't want to hear his response. I wanted him to think about it.

I collapsed down into one of the armchairs in the living room, my cell phone lying on the floor. I bent over my knees thrusting my fingers into my hair. I hadn't meant to yell and lose my temper like that, but I hated the way he had tried to cast me off like I was so unimportant. His own child.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Bella standing behind the chair looking concerned. I returned to my bent over position.

"Are you ok?"

"No," I muttered it through my fingers.

I heard Bella move around the chair and kneel down in front of me. She reached up and pulled my hands away from my face. It took a little coaxing to ease them down, but when I finally looked at her eye-to-eye, I started to feel the tension in my body evaporate.

"I heard the yelling upstairs. Do you want to tell me what happened?"

I hated that I had woken her up. I was hoping to just leave a voicemail for my dad and then go about making breakfast for the two of us as a surprise. That idea was down the shithole now.

"Not really,"

"Did you call your dad?"

I knew she was trying to help, but I just didn't want to talk about it at this moment. I was still angry. I needed to calm down. Bella seemed to sense that. She leaned up and placed a kiss on my forehead and promised to be right back. I sat there staring at the space she had occupied, praying I hadn't hurt her. She returned a minute later as promised with a glass of orange juice and two Tylenol in her hand.

"Take them, trust me."

I was starting to feel the pangs of a migraine coming on now that I stared at the little blue pills in her hand. I guess she had more experience in this as well.

"I don't usually get into my fights with my dad, but when I spend too much time thinking about where he might be, or what he may be doing, it starts to hurt, and not just in my head."

I swallowed the pills and downed the juice. It was cool and refreshing and helped to ease a little bit more tension. "Maybe you should go back to bed." Bella offered. "You barely got any sleep last night."

"I don't want to go back to bed."

"How about I cook some breakfast then?"

"I'm not hungry anymore."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

I sat there thinking for a minute, going over in my head everything I wanted to say to her. I wanted to tell her everything that had happened, explain why I had called him in the first place, what he had said that made me so angry. Thinking about it, though, made the anger flare up once more. There was only two things that would sufficiently calm me down in a situation like this.

But I was not about to drag Bella upstairs and fuck her senseless just so I could feel better. She deserved better than that. She deserved to know how I was feeling right now. Which left the only other option open, and it was the best way for me to get my emotions out without actually talking.

"You can listen." I said, looking up at her. I set the glass down on the coffee table and got up offering her my hand. She took it and I guided her through the house to a back room that I had not been in for several months. Actually since this summer.

It was my dad's library, the walls filled mostly with medical texts and journals. My mother's books were in here as well, along with her piano. She had been a beautiful piano player, as my father had told me when I was younger.

"Do you play?" Bella asked as she walked around the grand instrument.

"Yeah," I admitted quietly. "I asked my dad to sign me up for lessons when I was five. And I stuck with them all through high school until my sophomore year. It kept me sane when I was younger. I had a rough time growing up."

Bella nodded, understanding. "I wrote in journals. I'll let you read them sometime."

"Sit," I offered. I indicated the polished black bench in front of the keyboard.

Bella took a seat while I propped open the lid of the piano. I settled next to her and raised the cover on the keys. I danced my fingers over the ivories a couple times just to see how they sounded. I know my dad kept the piano in pristine condition since to him it was a connection to my mom. The piano sounded beautiful as I moved over the keys back and forth, and up and down.

I finally placed both hands on the keyboard and started to play a familiar harmony. It was something I had been working on over the summer, and had committed several measures to memory. But it had gone unfinished after a few weeks and I had left it that way ever since.

Bella sat next to me the entire time, sometimes watching my fingers, sometimes my face. She sat in silence, her hands in her lap. The only part of her that moved was her eyes. When I finished I rested my hands in my lap and turned to look at Bella.

"That was beautiful. I didn't know you were so accomplished."

I smirked to myself. "I wouldn't call it accomplished."

"Well, you're pretty damn good. By my standards." Bella tipped her head onto my shoulder for a moment before sitting back up.

"I want to finish it, but it's going to take time, and thought."

"And inspiration," Bella added.

I turned to Bella staring down into her eyes, "I have that sitting right next to me."

I heard the words leave my mouth before my mind had even registered them. I hadn't meant to say them aloud. But then I was reaching out and tipping Bella's face up toward mine. I kissed her gently, slowly. I tired to show her what I had been feeling while I played.

Bella responded by sliding closer to me on the bench, practically into my lap. It was a little awkward with the way we were sitting, so I parted from her and we both stood up. I picked Bella up, her legs wrapping around my waist, and carried her over to the chaise in the corner of the room. We must have been thinking the same thing since as soon as I laid Bella down she was already pulling her t-shirt over her head.

I pulled mine over my head and started to untie the drawstring on my sleep pants when Bella reached up and stopped me. "Let's switch positions. I don't want my tattoo to rub."

I nodded in agreement. I got my pants off while I was standing then settled back down. Bella finished pulling her clothes off while I watched. It was a bit awkward for her to pull her tank top off over her head without rubbing her tattoo, and she stumbled a little in the dance she was trying to do for me.

"Just come here." I told her with a laugh.

"I tried," She admitted shyly, a soft blush creeping into her cheeks as she straddled my hips. She leaned in and kissed from my chest up to my lips, reaching down between us to position me right at her entrance, pushing down so just the head slipped inside.

"Condom," I managed to breathe out as the though came to me.

"It's ok." Bella whispered, cupping my face. She lowered herself all the way on to me, her lips firmly attached to mine. I sat up as we started to move together, rocking my hips against hers.

We traded soft kisses and caresses. All the anger that had been boiling inside me had dissipated and I was able to move slowly with her, appreciate every touch, every sensation her body caused in mine. I held her to me as close as I could, stroking her hair, her arms, her face. She grasped at my back, my hair, my neck, anything she could reach and hold on to.

I gasped as my orgasm came crashing down on me. I had no way to move in the way I wanted to. I spluttered Bella's name into her shoulder, grabbing at her as my body shuddered in release. Bella cried out and bit into my shoulder, her nails digging into my back as her own climax overtook her.

We settled back onto the chaise, still connected, panting heavily. Bella smiled widely, resting her head on my chest. "That felt good," she breathed against my skin.

"It did, and I'm glad you got to enjoy it, too." She picked her head up raising one eyebrow at me in question. "You know what I mean."

Bella kissed my chest and laid her head back down. "I do. And I'm glad, too."

I would have been content to stay there for the rest of the day on the chaise, but we were both naked, and we both had work to do. Bella threw on my t-shirt to wear upstairs while I opted just to go naked. It wasn't like I hadn't walked around my own house naked before anyway.

After a not so brief shower, we got dressed and headed downstairs to make some lunch. Bella sat at the table going over all of her notes for her paper while I made some sandwiches. I stood at the counter watching her, hearing the music I had played earlier for her in my mind. New notes started to formulate where I had left the piece off, mixing and combining in my head to create something new and beautiful.

I knew once it had started it wasn't going to leave me alone. Perhaps if I had some time to myself over the next few weeks I could get it all down on paper, and maybe even out onto the keyboard.

We spent the rest of the afternoon doing homework. Bella wrapped herself up completely in her paper, even though she still had trouble working out a thesis. In between portions of my research project for physics I would peek up at her pouring over her book, jotting ideas down and then scratching them out.

I loved to watch her. Watch as her brain sometimes moved too fast for her pen. Not thinking an idea entirely through before writing it down. Sometimes that was how the best thoughts came to you, like a lightning strike.

And that was how I realized, sitting there at my kitchen table watching Bella as she smiled at me over the edge of her book, that I was in love with her.

"I think I'm ready for a nap." Bella announced, finally setting her book down. We had been holed up in the kitchen for a few hours now. I think it was time for a break.

"Can we go upstairs and talk?" I asked, half rising from my chair. I didn't know if upstairs or down here would be more comfortable for her, and I didn't want to seem presumptuous.

"Is 'talk' a metaphor for sex?" Bella asked, air quoting the word 'talk'.

"No, I actually want to talk…about earlier." It was half true. I want to talk, and the events from this morning had partly to do with it. But it wasn't my primary reason.

"Ok, are you all right?" Bella put her books aside and got up from the table.

"I'm fine. Better than fine." Did my voice just crack? I hope it didn't. Bella raised an eyebrow at me. My voice must have cracked or she wouldn't be looking at me like that, I thought to myself.

"You know fine is just a euphemism for 'I'm feeling really fucked up right now'."

"I can assure I'm not feeling fucked up right now." I held one hand out for her to take as we reached the stairs.

I locked my bedroom door behind us simply out of habit. I valued my privacy and if my father just so happen to come home, which I highly doubted, I didn't want him busting in on me while I was trying to tell Bella something very important.

She snuggled up next to me on the bed, laying her head on my shoulder. I wrapped one arm around her back so I could stroke her hair and hold her at the same time.

"So what is it you wanted to talk about?"

"I wanted to…thank you, for earlier. For listening."

"You're welcome."

Bella sighed and curled herself into me a little more. I could feel the words rising up, I wanted to say them. I rolled onto my side so I was facing her. I had to be looking at her or I was going to chicken out. Bella didn't complain and adjusted herself so she was laying her back. She reached up and ran the tips of her fingers down my face, brushed my bangs out of my eyes. She smiled and leaned up to press her lips against mine.

I hovered over her, returning her kiss with equal fervor. I moaned as she dove her fingers into my hair, pulling me closer, her kiss turning aggressive.

"Wait," I panted, pulling back from her. "I don't want to get carried away. I..." I hesitated. How was I supposed to start this off?

"You what, Edward?" She brushed some hair out of my eyes before draping her hand back around my neck.

"I have to tell you something."

"What?"

I stared down at her, trying to focus on her eyes as I formed the words in my mind. I could hear them pounding in my ears, but I just couldn't voice them.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Bella's voice broke through the haze in my mind, and I realized I had been looking over her shoulder at the pillow. My eyes had gone completely out of focus. "You look like something is bothering you. Does this have to do with your dad?"

"No," I shook my head. "I just…" I took a breath and let it out, swallowing my doubts. "I love you."

Bella gasped audibly, her eyes going wide. For almost a minute all she could do was look anywhere but in my eyes. I could feel my hands shaking where they lay on the bed, fear rising up inside me.

"I know it's the last you expected to hear from me…"

Bella pressed her finger to my lips silencing me. "Say it again," she whispered.

I settled myself down beside her, keeping one arm around her. I let my fingers thread through her hair for a few moments, staring deep into her eyes. "I love you," I repeated softly.

Bella didn't look away, but she didn't say it back to me either. She looked as though she couldn't believe what I was saying, like it wasn't real. I took her hand and held it in mine. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Edward."

Her voice was so faint I wasn't sure I had heard her, but I saw her lips form the words, and that was all I needed. I tipped her chin up and leaned in to kiss her. It wasn't hurried or desperate. We held each other close, our mouths moving together until the need for air became too great.

"Do you still want to take a nap?" I asked a few minutes later. Bella nodded against my shoulder and draped her leg across mine. I felt her body relax and heard her breathing even out.

I was just about to close my eyes and let my mind slip away when I thought I heard Bella whisper,

"I guess wishes can come true."


	10. Keep Holding On

**Chapter 10, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**BPOV**

I couldn't believe we had actually said it. I could tell something had been bothering Edward when he asked me if I wanted to go upstairs on Sunday and lay down for a while. I knew from the tone of his voice that he needed to talk. And I had thought it was about his father. I thought maybe he needed to vent some more.

But then he said it.

The last thing I had been expecting to hear from him.

And I had said it back. I knew it was only a matter of time before I couldn't keep it inside anymore. I had known I loved him since Halloween when he first kissed me. When I first let him. But I had never been expecting for Edward to say it first, let alone be nervous about it.

It had been endearing to watch him struggle, at the time not knowing that what he was about to say would make me change my view of my entire life. But he…loved me. He really loved me.

And I loved him back.

We haven't been apart since Sunday, since we said it.

We woke up Monday morning together and spent the better part of an hour in bed making love until the clock on the nightstand forced us to get up and get ready for the day.

The first few days at school were tough for me. I wanted to be with Edward every moment that I could, but I wasn't about to call attention to our relationship by making out with him in the hallways. We adjusted our rule of no PDAs, making exceptions for simple handholding, a stolen kiss behind a locker door, or a discrete touch when we were in chemistry together.

This was ours and no one else's. We didn't need to share it with the world, at least not yet, but maybe someday.

A couple weeks went by and we fell into a comfortable pattern of spending time together. I always passed the weekends at Edward's. Most weekdays we went to my house and did homework for a couple hours, then we would meet up with Emmett and Jasper and either hang out at either's house, or we would all go out for dinner together. I knew Edward had a very close-knit friendship with Emmett and Jasper, they were practically family and I didn't want them to feel like I was stealing Edward away.

But nothing of the sort ever came up. Emmett and Jasper were more than happy to include me in their little group. We were now a circle of four. Although sometimes I could tell Edward's friends were getting a bit frustrated that they didn't have girlfriends. Edward would tease them sometimes, and I had to constantly remind Emmett that he would never get a girl if he didn't learn to be a little more romantic and perfect the art of wooing.

Before any of us knew it Christmas was suddenly upon us and we had final exams for the marking period. The weekend before the last week of class I opted once more to sleep over at Edward's. We hadn't spent a single night apart since we said we loved each other. And I knew if a time ever came where we would have to sleep apart, it was going to be more than difficult for me.

Friday afternoon once school was over we stopped and grabbed some pizza with Emmett and Jasper, and then headed to Edward's house. We were both shocked when we saw his father's car in the driveway.

"I wonder if he's staying long." Edward said aloud as we got out. I knew things were tense between them. He had barely spoken to his father since the phone conversation last month. But Edward wanted to mend the relationship, he would be leaving next fall for college and God only knows if he'll keep in touch at that point.

"Why don't ask him when we get inside?" I offered.

Edward grunted and took my messenger bag from my hand to carry it inside. He may have been willing to take that step forward, but sometimes he needed a little push from behind to help him.

We left our bags upstairs for now and hung out in the living room watching TV. I tried to snuggle, but Edward was sitting so still I didn't even know if he was breathing. "Maybe you should just go upstairs and talk to him. You're making me miserable with this attitude." I sat up and leaned back against the arm.

Edward finally looked over at me for the first time in the last hour that we had been sitting on the couch, and then doubled over thrusting his fingers into his hair. "Sorry," He mumbled from behind his hands. "You're right." He started to get up when there was the sound of a door closing upstairs. Edward froze where he stood and watched as his dad walked down the stairs.

"Hey," he greeted him quietly as he sat back down on the couch. I reached over laying my hand on his knee for support.

"Hello, Edward." I knew from where he was standing, Edward's father couldn't see me on the couch, not that it mattered. But I wasn't even sure if he was aware that his son had a girlfriend.

"Are you going to be around tonight?" Edward asked, looking over the back of the couch.

"I don't know yet. It depends on how much paperwork is waiting for me."

"Can we talk later?"

"Perhaps."

Edward turned back to the TV and muttered, "Have a good night," which his father didn't return before walking out the door. As soon as it was shut Edward grabbed a throw pillow and hurled it at the door. "I hate his attitude. He's such a bastard."

I rubbed his knee for a moment, waiting for him to calm down. "You got more of a conversation from him than I have from Charlie in this last month."

"I'm sorry," He whispered, laying his hand on mine.

I shrugged. "I think it comes down to him trying to distance himself since I'm leaving. But I don't understand why, because all he'll achieve in the end is more loneliness. I'm more than willing to try with him, but he has to want to help himself, too, Edward. It's the same with Carlisle. You can only push so much before both people give up."

"You're not giving up with your dad, are you?"

"No, and I don't plan to. But for now I have to pick and choose my battles. I can't fight each time something upsets me because I'll only burn out."

"But that doesn't make it hurt any less."

"I know,"

We sat there in silence for a while, I don't know exactly how long, but eventually I sat up and reached for Edward's face. I cupped his jaw and turned him so he was looking at me. "I love you," I whispered, running my fingers back through his hair.

"I love you, Bella." He whispered back.

"Come here," I turned his face more until his lips met mine and I pressed my mouth firmly against his. He immediately became aggressive, responding desperately.

He pushed me down until my back was flat against the couch. He nudged my knees apart with one hand so he could lay between them and push his hips against mine. I grabbed at the collar of his button down as he pulled back and forced his mouth back to mine.

He bucked against me looking for friction and relief and I pushed back making him moan in my ear. I wasn't against letting him get his anger out this way, but not on the couch. I pulled away finally and stared up at him. We were both panting heavily. I had one hand wrapped around the collar of his shirt and one wound in his hair. Edward had one hand on my right breast, supporting himself on the other.

"We should stop," He panted.

"What?"

"Before we do something we regret."

I sat up a little, the motion causing him to drop his hand from my chest. "What do you mean?"

"I don't want to use you like that."

"You wouldn't be." I assured him. I scooted closer wrapping my hand around his neck and drew his mouth to mine. "I want you to."

Edward responded to my kiss with no less passion than before, but I could tell he wasn't going to take me up on my offer, no matter how willing I was. "Maybe later?" I offered when we parted.

He nodded, "Maybe,"

We sat there, reclined back against the couch, making out lazily for several minutes. I managed to get his fly unbuttoned and my hand inside his jeans and shorts to stroke him. Edward let his head fall back against the cushion with a grunt and he lifted his hips in time with my hand. He came quickly, grunting as he thrust his hips against my palm. When he calmed down I did up a few buttons on his fly and helped him off the couch.

"Lets go clean up, and maybe we can order some dinner tonight."

"That sounds perfect," Edward purred, yes purred in my ear as we ascended the stairs. I was glad I was able to help in some way. Even if it meant waiting till later to satisfy my own needs.

While Edward cleaned up in the bathroom I put out some lounge clothes for him and changed into something comfy from the clothes I had started keeping here for myself. Edward had cleaned out an entire drawer for me in his dresser and even found a divider so part of the drawer could be dedicated to underwear. I knew he only did it just to have the excuse of being able to raid my panties, but I allowed it. For now.

We ordered Chinese and then set up camp in the kitchen for homework. This weekend was going to be devoted to studying for finals next week, although I wasn't sure how much work we would actually get done.

When dinner got here we took a break to eat and I amused myself with Edward's iPhone. I noticed that he had a ton of apps and games, but he wasn't playing many of them. I started games with Emmett and Jasper on Words, Scramble, and Hanging with Friends, much to Edward's dislike. I sat there throughout all of dinner trading turns back and forth and getting a good laugh out of some of the words that Emmett would play.

I relinquished it only when Edward brought up chemistry and the project we needed to start before going to bed. We spent the next couple hours going over the labs we had done in the last two marking periods before choosing the one to base our report on. We compared notes and made up a basic outline before finally calling its quits for the night.

I tidied up our books and left them in piles on the table while Edward put the leftover Chinese away. "I plan on eating some of that for lunch tomorrow, so leave it in the front." I requested as I yawned and stretched a little.

"Yes, dear." Edward replied sarcastically. I watched him move a few things around and walked up behind him to plant a firm smack on his ass. "Ow! That actually hurt."

"Good, don't be a wiseass with me."

"You're gonna pay for that." Edward half growled. He lunged for me but I moved out of the way and headed for the stairs. I ran up to his room laughing, Edward chasing after me.

We landed on his bed becoming tangled as our lips locked and moved in tandem. I knew mine were going to be bruised tomorrow from the amount of pressure Edward was putting on them, and the amount of kissing we had been engaging in today. But I didn't care.

I cared more about the moment, the man in my arms, than the consequences of a little roughness. I laughed as Edward fumbled with our clothes, desperately trying to get them all off without any help from me. He scowled at me in response.

"You're driving me crazy over here, stop." I brushed his hands away and untied the drawstring on his sleep pants myself. He already shed his t-shirt so the only thing left was the cotton pants, and they needed to go.

Edward reciprocated by divesting me of the leggings I was wearing and the camisole tank top. With another laugh he laid me down against the pillows, pressing the full weight of his body down on mine as he attached his lips to my neck and sucked like vampire. I tried to reach over into the nightstand to grab a condom, but my arms were currently pinned down over my head.

"Hang on, wait." I managed to get out in between passes of Edward's mouth over mine.

"What?"

"Condom,"

No matter how wound up we were we always remembered to put one on the pillow so it wasn't forgotten. The only time we had gone without was the first time Edward had played his piano for me. And by the time he finished I couldn't ignore the pain that was written on his face. I gave myself to him in the way he needed me most, and I didn't even stop to think about it.

Once he was sheathed, Edward returned to showering every inch of my skin he could reach with his fiery kisses. He needed to calm down or he was going to reach his end before we even started. "Hey," I rubbed his shoulder with my now free hand.

Edward picked his head up from where he had been kissing my neck and stared down at me with dark green eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, love," I ran my fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm him. "I just think you should slow down a little or you're going to blow your load." I giggled a little as the words left my mouth and watched as Edward's jaw dropped.

"Did you really just say that?"

I bit my lower lip in embarrassment. "I think I did."

"You never cease to surprise me." He whispered, running his fingers down my cheek. "Slow?"

"Slow, please."

"Roll on your side."

I did as he asked while he positioned himself behind me. I didn't have a lot of experience with this position, and the only time I had endured it, it had ended in disaster.

But Edward took his time. He brought the sheet up to cover us to the waist, giving us a sense of modesty. I appreciated it more than he probably knew. He rubbed my side and placed kisses along my waist. "Relax," He whispered, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me against him.

A whimper escaped my lips when I felt his erection press into my backside. "Shh… just relax." He rubbed my lower back for a minute before taking my right thigh in his hand and hitching back onto his hip. "Have you been in this position before?" He asked. I could feel him adjusting himself, lining up.

"Only once, and it didn't end well."

"Did he hurt you?"

"Unintentionally,"

I felt Edward place a kiss between my shoulder blades. "I promise to do my best not to hurt you, but you have to let me know if there's any discomfort."

I turned my head over my shoulder to look at him. His eyes had softened significantly from the dark green, but there was no less fire in them. "I will," I promised. I turned a little more so he could kiss me. The hand around my waist pressed into my belly pulling me back to him and he slipped inside. "_Edward_," I moaned his name loudly, gripping the pillow.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No, it's ok. I just didn't expect…"

"I know," He breathed into my shoulder. "But you're really tense, try and relax your muscles."

I took a breath, biting down on my lower lip. It was easier said than done. I was too focused on how he felt inside me, how he must have felt. I shifted my hips and was rewarded with a deep, guttural moan from behind me. Edward pressed deeper making me gasp and buck my hips involuntarily.

"I'm not going to last long at all if you keep doing that." He warned, smiling into my back.

"I couldn't help it, sorry."

He reached around, taking my chin in his hand and pulling my mouth to his. He kept his arm around me as we began to move together. There wasn't much thrusting, it was more holding him inside me as he pulled out only a little and pushed back, seemingly deeper each time. His room was filled with the sounds of our heavy breathing, the sheets shifting around us, and our moans as we produced sensations in each other that I was sure neither of us had ever felt before.

When he began pushing more roughly against me, I reached back to grasp his arm, squeezing to let him know it was a little uncomfortable. He apologized with a kiss to the back of my neck and slowed his movements. He pressed his length deep inside me once more and only pulled out a little bit.

I would have been more than willing to lie here like this all night and make love with him. It was the most intense, intimate, sex I had ever had. And it was only made better by the fact that I was sharing it with Edward.

When I felt him shudder behind me I knew he was close. He began kissing the back of my neck, my shoulders, and shoulder blades. He trailed a line of kisses down my spine as far as he could and kissed back up.

"I'm really close, Bella." He gasped into my skin, his erection twitching inside me.

"Me, too. Give me your hand." I reached down the length of my own body until my fingers twined with his. I guided his hand down between my legs, making it only too clear what I needed from him.

"Oh, Bella." He sighed my name, sounding almost reverent as the syllables passed his lips. He rubbed gently at first, working up a strong pace that matched his movements inside my body.

"Shit," I cursed loudly, grabbing at the sheets as my orgasm broke over me. Edward growled behind me, his hips snapping despite how he tried to control them.

"Fuck, _Bella_…"

I had never heard him shout before like that during sex. He was so consumed. His arm tightened around my ribs, clutching my body to his. It forced him even deeper into me as he came roughly.

He panted heavily behind me, his arm loosening its grip. He shook lightly from the force of his orgasm, pressing his nose into my hair. "I love you, Bella." He gasped as air continued to make its way into his lungs.

"I love you, too, Edward." I responded. I wanted so much to turn around so I was facing him fully. I wanted to hold him, to stroke his back as he came down from his high. But I was unwilling to part my body from his.

When he pulled out I whimpered in protest to the feeling of emptiness he left behind. I rolled over when I felt like my muscles could handle the movement. Edward was facing away from me. I knew he was disposing of the condom and probably wiping himself off a little. He rolled back to face me, immediately taking my face in his hands to kiss me.

"Is that what you wanted to do for me earlier?" He whispered, fixing the sheet so it now covered me to my shoulders and him to the waist.

"I would have done anything you wanted earlier." I told him, completely unembarrassed, "I just wanted to be there for you when you needed me. I know how fucked up this feels, the relationship with your father. And sometimes you just need someone in that capacity."

"You know I would never use you like that. Fuck you just because I'm angry at something else."

"I know, but if you ever need that from me, just know that I wouldn't mind."

"I don't want to touch you in anger."

"You wouldn't be." I reached out to take his hand where it lay between us and I held it tight in mine. "I think I've learned enough about you in the past few months to know that no matter how angry you get, you always find some way to channel it in a non-destructive way."

We made out for a while, trading caresses. I learned that Edward enjoyed having his clavicle nibbled on as well as his earlobe. He found my ticklish spot along my ribs, and tormented me by lightly trailing his fingers along my skin making we writhe. I showed him how I liked to be touched in my most intimate places. Not roughly, as most men assumed (well, the two I had been with before Edward). Gentleness was all that was needed.

I loved it when he would pay extra attention to my breasts, massaging them, nibbling and sucking. He drove me to near climax just by palming and running his thumb in feather-light touches over my nipple.

It was close to two in the morning when we finally started to feel exhaustion begin to take us. Neither of us had heard the front door open or close, and so we assumed his father hadn't come home yet, if at all.

Edward spooned up behind me, wrapping both arms around my body and pressing his chest into my back. I felt protected and safe when he held me like this. Like nothing could ever hurt me again. I turned my head to get one last goodnight kiss before I let sleep take me. I reached back to run my fingers through his hair and to hold him to me as long as we could go without air.

When we parted Edward nuzzled my hair, settling more firmly against me. He sighed contently, his chest expanding and contracting with his breath. We were so close under the covers I didn't know where I ended and Edward started. There was going to be no driving a wedge between us after tonight.

We were permanent now.


	11. Whisper

**Chapter 11, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

I stood by my car at the end of the day waiting for Bella. It was the last day of class before break started, and it had been a hellish day. We had both had three finals and a paper due. Fortunately we had been given notice on Monday that our chemistry project that was supposed to have been due was pushed back to the first day back from break.

I usually caught up with Bella outside the front door of the school after the final bell, but today she wasn't there and I wondered if something was wrong. I watched the lot slowly empty as I continued to wait. I considered texting her to see where she was. I was seriously starting to freak out when I heard the front door of the school bang open.

Bella was suddenly rushing toward me, her messenger bag dangling precariously from her shoulder. When she was just a few feet from me she dropped her bag and threw herself into my arms. Luckily I had been leaning against my car or the force of her embrace would have knocked me flat on my back.

Her lips pressed against mine, and for a moment I feared someone seeing, but when we parted I noticed that the lot was completely empty. We were the only two left. "Not that it's unwanted, but what the hell was that for?" I asked as I let her down on her feet.

Bella merely smiled brightly, almost bursting in her obvious excitement, but didn't say anything right away. She took a deep breath, obviously just to make me wait a few seconds loner. "I just got the best news. I was in my last class and right before the bell the phone rang and my teacher told me the principal wanted to see me."

I was momentarily confused, why would going to the principal be considered good news? "What happened?"

Bella took my hands and leaned up. "As of the end of this marking period, and so long as I maintain my grades I will be graduating as valedictorian." She bounced on her toes excitedly in front of me.

I gathered her up and spun her around kissing her. "I'm so proud of you, Bella. I'm taking you out tonight."

"I thought we were going out with Emmett and Jasper tonight?" She asked as I set her down.

"We can go out with them during break. I want to take just you out and celebrate. Trust me, they won't mind. They have practice until late tonight."

"Yeah, I ran into Jasper on my way out and he was grumbling about that."

We stood there making out for several minutes, lost in our little world together. Her news had brightened my dad significantly and I didn't give a damn at the moment if anyone saw. I wanted Bella to know just how proud I was and how much I loved her.

Since I was taking her out on a proper date tonight, I dropped her off at her house so she could shower and figure out what she would wear. I made reservations for seven at the same Italian restaurant we had gone to after getting our tattoos and requested a secluded table.

I left the house a little early so I could stop at the florist. I wanted to get Bella a gift, but at the last second I had no idea what to look for, and I figured flowers would be good enough for now.

Bella opened the door a few moments after I knocked, bending a little to put her black flats on. When she stood up I got a look at the long black sweater dress she had chosen, accented with a thin shiny red belt around her waist. Her hair was down in long tresses, her makeup simple.

"You look beautiful." I told her as I reached out to take her waist and draw her to me.

"You don't look half bad yourself. Snazzy." She reached up and fingered the collar of my shirt. "What is it with you and those black Converse?"

"Hey, don't knock the all-black Converse. They're very multifunctional. I have something for you." I took the single red rose I had been hiding inside my jacket and handed it to her.

"Thank you," She reached one hand up to wrap around my neck and pull me down.

We finally made it out to my car a few minutes later. I hadn't wanted to let Bella go when she started kissing me again. She felt too good to ever separate from her, but we had reservations. Bella put the rose in water and left it in the kitchen, grabbed her coat (which I helped her put on), and then we finally left.

I held every door for her and pulled her chair out. She was my princess tonight and I was making sure to treat her as such. After we sat down at our, secluded, little round table, Bella reached across it to run her thumb along my jaw and leaned in. We kissed discreetly for a minute, separating only when we heard the waitress approaching.

She actually asked if we were celebrating and whether or not we wanted champagne, which we had to decline. But I had a plan all worked out for New Year's, so we would get our champagne indulgence then.

We settled for soda and water and our waitress went off to get the drinks while we decided on dinner. I wasn't that adventurous and ordered my usual chicken Parmesan while Bella, brave girl that she is, decided on calamari scampi with mussels and clams.

"You're really going to eat squid?" I asked as our waitress set the plates down in front of us.

"I love seafood, you know that. I just don't always have the money to cook something like this myself." She placed her napkin in her lap then twirled her fork into the thin pasta, making sure to get a couple pieces of seafood in there. "Are you sure you don't want to try it?" She asked before she took the bite.

"I'm positive." I answered with a mouthful of chicken and felt myself blush for being rude. But Bella just giggled and shoved the forkful of pasta and shellfish into her mouth.

I fed her little bits of my chicken and eventually I worked up the courage to try her dish as well. I had to admit, after getting past the initial fishy taste, it was delicious. The sauce was light but flavorful and the pasta was cooked perfectly.

We opted out of dessert at the restaurant and headed home after I paid the bill. Bella held my hand over the console for the entire ride. When we got back to my house we both went upstairs to change, but instead wound up tangled in the sheets together completely naked.

The next morning I made her breakfast, which was quickly becoming a pattern for us, and we ate the pancakes out in the living room while watching cartoons. After a shower and a change into some of the clothes she kept here, Bella had to go home and clean up a bit and get her homework for break since she would be staying here for the entire week.

I drove her home and offered to come pick her up later, but she said she would just drive her truck back. "I need to take it out once and a while, Edward."

"You should just junk it."

"I can't, it has sentimental value."

"Why, cause its old?" I teased.

"No, my dad got it for me on my seventeenth birthday. I can't just get rid of it. At least not yet."

I understood. I kissed her goodbye and told her I loved her and that I would see her later. I had some of my own chores to accomplish before she came back over. I had to do some laundry and pick up my room. I had been doing it myself a lot more lately since Bella and I had made things official. It left less work for Maria to do when she came in, and I got a sense of personal satisfaction knowing I was capable of taking care of myself that way. I also had to go grocery shopping and that would take forever since I was never that good at it.

I spent the better part of the morning moving my clothes through the wash and getting my room straightened up. I changed the sheets on my bed, I cleaned my bathroom, and even reorganized my closet and dresser. When I ran out of things to clean in my room I started going through my desk and got rid of any old documents or papers I no longer needed and threw out at least two huge bags of trash. Obviously I never clean out my desk.

When the laundry was finally done I wrote up a quick list, making sure to include food for dinner tonight and I put exclamation points next to the condoms. I laughed at my own personal joke, but since it was the only toiletry item I needed to pick up I had to remember to get them, considering they were rather important.

It was almost four when I got back to my house and I was starving. I had skipped lunch, settling for a few spoonfuls of peanut butter as I passed through the kitchen on my way to the laundry, that and it was the only food left. I looked around at the excessive number of grocery bags and wondered if it would all even fit in the cabinets and the fridge.

I had to get started on dinner soon, so I put all of the perishable stuff away first, leaving out the ingredients for dinner and the non-perishable foods which I would put away later. I had no sense of organization.

Bella and I had the same routine when it came to Christmas. Get up, maybe see the parent and exchange a gift, if not there was always something waiting on the kitchen table. Then spend the rest of the day catching up on homework or any projects due after Christmas.

The only difference this year would be dinner at my place and collaboration on a chemistry assignment. I never thought it had been fair that Bella was always cooking for me, us at this point, but still always cooking.

I taught myself some basics and I think I have a pretty good handle on how to make chicken without burning the house down. I've done fairly well on my own over the years, but my expertise stopped at making quesadillas.

I was standing at the kitchen counter prepping everything I would need to make dinner tonight when I heard the front door open and the familiar sound of Bella's messenger bag hit the hardwood floor. She didn't come into the kitchen.

"Bella," I walked out into the living room to find her, my heart nearly stopping when I saw her curled up on the couch, her face buried in her knees and distinctively shaking with sobs.

I rushed over to her gathering her in my arms as I settled on the couch beside her. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"He doesn't care!" Bella turned burying her face in my chest and sobbed harder. "I…I tried to tell Charlie about…about…" She picked her head up to gaze at me, her eyes shining as stray tears continued to spill down her cheeks. "I wanted to tell him that I'm valedictorian… He came out in the kitchen…I barely got a smile in greeting. He just headed for the door. I had been expecting that…So I rushed after him telling him the good news. All I got was… "that's great, Bella,"…then he got in his cruiser and drove off."

I barely understood half of what she said through her tears, but I heard enough to know that she was heartbroken. Utterly and completely.

"Bella, I'm so sorry."

Her fingers curled into my shirt hugging her tiny body closer to me. She buried her face in my chest, her sobs quiet for now. "Thank you, Edward," her voice was barely above a whisper.

"I'm here," I responded, my hand stroking her silken locks.

Bella turned her head up to me again, her eyes red, cheeks tear-stained. We held each other's gaze for a long moment, neither of us moving. Our lips were only an inch apart. I don't know who made the initial move, but a moment later my lips were ghosting over Bella's, barely touching.

And then she was tugging on my shirt a little tighter, pulling me closer to her. She was looking for sanctuary. I wanted to provide it.

Slowly, I pressed her back to the couch, hesitating just in case she wanted to stop. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. When the request didn't come, I kept going. Both her hands were fisted in my hair now, our mouths moving together in harmony. She let me lie in the cradle of her legs, draw one around my hip and push my tongue past her teeth to twine with hers.

The soft sigh that escaped her lips made my jeans constrict substantially. I pushed against her twice before we finally parted both of us panting, our foreheads damp.

I could feel Bella's fingers still pulling at my hair when she whispered, "Edward, make me forget."

I stood up off the couch and offered her my hand. She took it and allowed me to guide her upstairs where I shut my bedroom door to the world. We undressed each other slowly, our clothes landing all over the room as we moved toward my bed. Bella laid herself down on it, leaning back on her elbows as she offered her sock clad feet to me.

I had to laugh because she was wearing Christmas themed knee-high toe-socks, and she was just too adorable. I knelt down in front of her, maintaining eye contact, and slowly pulled her socks off. I got up after discarding them and leaned over her supporting myself on my hands. Bella reached up with one hand, thrusting her fingers into my hair, and pulled me down to crash her lips against mine.

We both moaned at the skin on skin contact. The only barrier left between us was underwear. I continued to kiss Bella as I ghosted my fingers down her nearly naked body, slipping them into the sides of her thin panties and pulled them off. Now completely bared to me, Bella laid back on the bed against my pillows, looking all too inviting and enticing.

I grabbed a condom from my nightstand and left it sitting on top so I wouldn't forget, then proceeded to remove my shorts. I couldn't fight back the smile that stretched across my face as I watched Bella's eyes slowly fall below my waist and take in the massive erection I had been sporting for almost a half hour now.

I joined her on the bed, flinging the sheets back and laying the length of my body against hers. She immediately opened up for me, cradling me between her thighs as she had done downstairs on the couch. I reached for the condom, ripped the foil and slid the latex on. Screw the foreplay tonight. Bella needed so much more than that right now, and I would give it to her and anything else she needed from me.

Her arms latched around my neck as I slid into her, my name tumbling from her lips in a half moan half whisper. For several minutes we didn't move. We just laid there reveling in the feeling of being wrapped in each other. Nothing was ever going to compare to the way Bella's body felt around mine. To be buried in her was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was more than intense and only further justified my feelings for her.

"Make me forget, Edward." She whispered again, cradling my face with one hand. She leaned up and kissed me sweetly, arching her body against mine.

I leaned up on my arms for leverage and began thrusting. I went slow and gentle, I wanted to make sure Bella could feel everything. Her interspersed moans were confirmation for me that she was clearly enjoying herself. I wanted to move a little harder against her, but I knew that's not what she needed. She needed me to love her, and that's what I would do.

"More, Edward, please." She whispered to me, throwing her head back as I thrust in a little harder than I had intended. But she had liked it and wanted _more_ of it.

I lost focus for a second when I thought I heard my door creak open, but it was probably just the wind outside making the trees scrape against the window.

"Edward, _please_," Bella begged, arching her body against mine once more. I was forced deeper inside her with the movement, moaning loudly from the sensation. I hitched her right leg up to my waist then reached up and grabbed onto my headboard for support and began thrusting into her harder.

Bella breathed heavily beneath me, her sounds nearly lost under my own grunts. She was grasping onto my side with one hand, the other fisted in the sheets that were tangled around us. Her body began to shake perceptibly as she neared her climax. I could feel my own muscles spasm under my skin. She was close and so was I.

"God, harder, Edward." Bella begged beneath me.

I wasn't going to be able to hold on if I moved against her much harder than I was now. I let go of my headboard with one hand to cradle her face. I couldn't fathom anything to say to her, I just wanted her to open her eyes so I could see her face. Bella reached up with her free hand to hold my wrist. She smiled at me as I moved above her. It was a delicate smile, warm and genuine.

"I love you," She whispered.

I leaned down covering her lips with mine in a searing kiss. "I love you, too, Bella. God, I love you so much. Ungh!" I grunted loudly as my orgasm broke over me.

Bella's leg tightened around my waist as she shook with her own release moments later. I let myself down slowly from holding my headboard so I didn't collapse on her and carefully rolled over so I could discard the used condom in the trash.

Bella scooted over to me, still panting, and laid her head on my shoulder draping an arm across my torso. "Thank you," She whispered once she had caught her breath.

I turned my head so I was looking at her, and curled my arm around her shoulder so I could play with her hair. "I love you too much to not want to take care of you, Bella. I care too much for you to not help you when you need it."

"I think this goes beyond wanting to help or care for, Edward."

"I think it does, too."

We stared into each other's eyes for a moment before I leaned over and kissed her. I kissed her forehead when we broke apart and Bella curled closer into my side, laying her head on my chest.

"I love you," She whispered, her voice growing thick with sleep.

"I love you, too, Bella. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Edward."

She was asleep moments later, and after pulling the blanket over us, and turning off the lamp on my nightstand, so was I.

It was the most peaceful sleep of my life, until I felt myself being awoken by fingers stroking my hair. I cracked one eye open to see Bella sitting up in bed, dressed in one of my baseball t-shirts and a pair of my shorts. She was gazing down at me and playing with my hair.

"Good morning." She smiled.

"Good morning, merry Christmas."

She leaned down and placed a soft, sweet kiss on my forehead, and then my lips. "Merry Christmas."

"I have something for you."

Bella frowned and shoved me playfully. "But we said no gifts."

"Well, I cheated."

She crossed her arms over her chest pouting. "What?" I asked with a laugh.

"I didn't get you anything."

I wrapped an arm around her and brought her down to my side where I reached over and traced her cheek with one finger. "I don't need anything from you, Bella. You already give me everything just by breathing."

She effectively melted in my embrace and let me roll her onto her back so I could kiss her. We spent several minutes making out and whispering to each other, Bella's hands fisted in my hair the entire time. "I lied," She breathed when we finally broke apart.

"About what?"

"I did get you something."

I felt my eyebrow rise at that. "Does it involve you taking off your clothes?"

Bella smacked me in the bicep. "Is that all you're concerned about?" She asked feigning insult.

"I'm just joking, baby."

"Yeah, sure you are."

We went back to making out for a few more minutes before Bella whispered, "Yes," in my ear.

"Yes what?"

"Yes it involves me taking off my clothes. Well, not these clothes." And she slipped out from under me before I had the chance to grab her and bring her back.

"You're just mean." I said as I sat up. Bella handed me a t-shirt and some sleep pants to put on. I started to follow her out the door, but grabbed her waist and pulled her into me so I could kiss her some more. Her arms looped around my neck and she stood up on her tiptoes. "I want to make you breakfast, what would you like?"

"I don't care. Whatever you're in the mood for."

"No, tell me."

Bella stood there, her arms still draped around me, thinking. "French toast,"

"Then the lady will have French toast."

When we got down to the kitchen I was momentarily confused because I could have sworn I had left a mess in here last night with what I had been preparing. I at least had had the good sense to turn the stove and oven off before Bella and I went upstairs, but that was as far as I made it in terms of cleaning up. But as Bella and I walked into the kitchen I was surprised to find it practically immaculate.

"This is weird," I muttered, walking in and looking around.

"What is?" Bella asked as she leaned in the doorway.

"I left a huge mess in here last night. And Maria is off today, so she didn't do this."

"Maybe it was magical Christmas elves." Bella offered, and I gave her an exasperated look.

I started a pot of coffee and got everything I needed to make French toast. Bella was content to hop up onto the counter and sit on the edge sipping her coffee while I cooked. As soon as the first batch was in the pan I scooted over to Bella and slipped between her knees to hold her waist and draw her against me. Bella responded as I expected she would, by tightening her knees on my waist and looping her arms around my neck while we made out.

I was just about to deepen the kiss when I heard the distinctive sound of a throat clearing behind us. I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Holy shit," I exclaimed, turning to see the last person I expected in the doorway. "What are you doing here?" I asked my dad.

"It is my house, Edward, I can come and go as I please."

"You do that rather well." I muttered angrily.

"Edward," Bella whispered quietly enough for me to hear, but not my father. She was still hidden by my body from the way I was standing, but she had drawn her knees down.

She peaked out from around my side and waved at my dad cheerfully. "Good morning, merry Christmas."

"Morning," He muttered, then glanced at me and around the kitchen before heading out the front door.

"He's such an ass." I grumbled. Then I sniffed the air and cursed as I quickly moved back over to the stove to save the burning French toast in the pan.

"Hey," Bella reached over touching my arm gently, "don't let it ruin our morning, ok?"

I sighed heavily and put the spatula in my hand down. I took Bella's hands in my own and looked into her eyes. "You're right, I'm sorry. At least he greeted you."

"It's more than I would have gotten from my own father probably."

I took her chin in my hand and lifted her face to mine. "Don't think like that, Bella. He loves you."

"Well, he has a really odd way of showing it." She said as she hopped down off the counter. I was surprised when she stood behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist, leaning her head against my back. "At least I know you love me."

I turned so I could look at her and inched us away from the stove. "I do, Bella." I told her, smoothing back some hair from her face. "I'll always love you."


	12. Heavy In Your Arms

**Chapter 12, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

We spent the rest of the day lounging around the house. I wanted to wait until tonight to give Bella her gift, but apparently she had the same idea in mind when it came to giving me mine.

"So explain to me why I can't give you my gift first?" I asked from where I lay on my bed flipping through a book while I waited for Bella.

"Because I know you, and once you see my gift you'll want to appreciate it right away. Fuck."

I looked up in surprise when I heard Bella curse from inside the bathroom. Of course I couldn't see her since she had locked the door behind her, so I could only imagine what she was doing in there. I went back to my book and only flipped a few more pages before I heard the bathroom door unlock.

It cracked open and Bella peaked her head around the corner, only to pull back with a quiet laugh and a nervous smile. "I don't know if I can do this."

I put my book down on the nightstand and sat up, "I've seen you naked, how can whatever it is you're wearing be any worse?"

"Because it's the first time you've seen me wear something like this. What if you think I look ridiculous?"

I laughed, "You should've thought of that before you bought it." I meant it as a joke, but Bella didn't take it that way, and a moment later a toothbrush came flying at my head. "Calm down and get out here. I promise I will love it no matter what."

"You better," Bella grumbled.

I heard the click of heels as Bella walked back across the bathroom and out into the doorway. The shoes had definitely gotten my attention and I sat up straighter. If it were physically possible I think my jaw would have hit the floor when I finally saw what she was wearing.

Bella leaned against the doorway and placed one hand on her hip and the other bent behind her head. She was dressed in a red corset with lace up the sides and solid red down the middle, the garters hanging loose at her thighs. She had on a matching thong and black shiny heels.

I tried to say something but no words would come out. She smiled shyly at me and started to walk over. I gripped the sheet and tried to cover my crotch since a very large bulge was making itself known.

"I guess you like it?" She asked, settling in my lap.

"Like would be an understatement, don't you think?"

Bella kicked the shoes off and let them drop next to the bed. I wished she had kept them on, but judging by the length of the heels I really didn't blame her.

The only other article of clothing to come off was the thong, and that was only because it was in my way, otherwise she would kept on every last stitch of lace she was wearing.

Afterward we lay together curled up, my arm around her to keep her warm. The corset had been chucked when we finished, although I wasn't sure how many times we had actually had sex but I never counted. I had just wanted to keep going, and Bella had been all for it. But now she lay next to me, her breathing already becoming heavy.

"Best Christmas ever," She whispered as her eyes began to close.

"Yeah it was, and you have to let me give you your gift in the morning."

"Is it something you can give me now?" She mumbled, her voice growing thick with sleep.

"No," I answered simply. I brushed some hair from her face and in leaned to kiss her good night. "I love you,"

"Love you,"

I reached across her body to switch off the lamp on the opposite nightstand then fixed the sheet so it covered Bella to her shoulders, and finally let myself succumb to a pleasant exhaustion.

It was still early when I woke up the next morning, but I felt entirely rested. I sat up carefully not wanting to wake Bella, and planned on slipping from the room to make her breakfast in bed, but then I noticed that I was alone in the bed. Bella's space was still warm so I knew she had gotten up recently. I heard movement in the bathroom and got up, pulling my sleep pants on.

I pushed the door open to see her sitting on the toilet, elbows on her knees and hands folded under chin. Sitting opposite her on the edge of the tub was a familiar looking blue box.

"That time of the month?" I asked teasingly, leaning on my arm in the doorway.

Bella looked sideways at me, but didn't smile like I had expected. Instead she looked almost fearful. I immediately stood up straight and watched her as her eyes returned to the little box.

"It would be if it was actually here." She muttered into her hands.

That got my attention and I walked in to crouch in front of her and take her hands. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying my period is five days late, Edward, obviously."

"Maybe you counted wrong." I offered. No she didn't, and I knew it. Bella was obsessive about taking her birth control on time everyday and freaked out if she missed it even by a half hour.

She gave me a look that told me exactly what I had told myself. I sat there staring at her as she stared at the box, concentrated on it, like she was trying to will her period into existence by glaring at it.

"But how is it even possible?" I asked aloud, "we use a condom every time."

"We didn't once, remember? The day you called your dad and yelled at him. The day you played the piano for me for the first time."

I counted back the days. That had been some time in November right after Thanksgiving. Fuck, and it was now the day after Christmas. There was no way. Was there? Bella couldn't know this early, her period would still present itself. Wouldn't it? Well, it wasn't right now.

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know," Bella let her head fall into her hands. "I can't even think right now, I'm petrified."

"The best thing to do would be to go out and get a test, or two, and just do them." I tried to sound calm, however I was anything but. This was the last thing we needed.

"What if I am?"

"We can deal with that when we find out for sure." I stood up and looked down at her resolutely.

"Can you go out and get them, I…" She shook visibly and I knew it wasn't from being cold.

I crouched back down in front of her and placed my hands on her knees, "We go together, Bella." I said gently. "Everything we do, we do together, remember?"

She nodded and sniffed a couple times. I reached up to cup the side of her face and she threw her arms around my neck. I wrapped mine around her back and held her as she cried softly for several minutes.

When I finally managed to extract her from the bathroom and get her dressed it was almost eight in the morning and I knew the pharmacy wasn't open till nine. We could have just gone to the hospital, but I knew in some way or another my father would get involved when whoever was behind the desk recognized me. He didn't need to know about this unless it was necessary.

Bella fidgeted as I got dressed. I must have offered six times to make her breakfast but she was too nervous to eat, and instead she walked around my room picking things up. She made the bed, twice. She opened and closed drawers in my dresser as if she were looking for something. She straightened out the items on my desk until they were all at right angles.

I finally grabbed her hands and made her look at me. "Relax,"

"That's the dumbest thing to say to me right now!" She exclaimed, tossing her red corset to the floor. She sat down on the bed and began crying all over again.

The only thing I could think to do was to sit next to her and hold her until she stopped. She muttered and cried into my shoulder for a long time before finally picking her head up. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks tear stained. My shirt was dampened a little, but I didn't care.

"Let's go." I said, running my thumb down her cheek.

She nodded and I helped her up. The drive to the pharmacy in the middle of Forks was completely silent. Bella sat wringing her hands in her lap and toying with the hem of the sweater she was wearing.

I kept my arm around my shoulder as we walked through the door, the little bell overhead tinkling and announcing our arrival. When I noticed who was standing behind the cash register I almost walked back out. Jessica Stanley looked up from filing her fake nails and glared at Bella and I as we walked in.

She didn't say anything, but I could feel her eyes following us as we made our way to the contraceptive aisle. As luck would have it, it was directly across from the register Jessica was standing at. I glanced up only once to see that she had folded her arms over her chest and was still watching us.

Bella grabbed my hand when we stopped in front of the selection of different tests. "I don't even know what to look for." She whispered at me.

"I think two different ones would be best." I whispered back.

Bella started to reach for one of the boxes, but Jessica's voice broke through the tense silence and Bella shuddered next to me. "The Magnums are further down the aisle, Edward. That's what you need if I remember correctly."

I threw a sharp, hateful glare in her direction and was satisfied with the look of shock on her face.

Bella reached out again and plucked a box off the shelf. I grabbed the one next to it. Both were digital tests, which I trusted more than a plastic stick that simply changed colors. Bella turned to face me so she was hiding behind my frame and read the back of the box in a hurried whisper.

She took a moment to compare the two we had chosen and looked at a more standard test before finally deciding on which two we would use. She took a quick breath and let it out, taking my hand, and we walked up to the register.

Jessica just stared at the two boxes as I put them down, and then to where my hand was still grasping Bella's. She didn't make any snide comments as she put the two tests in a bag and handed me the receipt, but I could tell from the resentful look in her eyes that once break was over Bella and I would no longer have our anonymity.

Once we were back at the house I walked Bella upstairs and waited out in my bedroom while she did the two tests. She came back out and shut the bathroom door behind her. "They're sitting by the sink, we can look in five minutes. I used two of the disposable water cups, I hope that's ok."

"Water cups are the least of my worries right now, Bella. I'm more concerned about you." I took her hand and pulled her down to sit next to me.

"I'm so scared, Edward."

"Don't be. I'm right here with you. You're not alone in this."

Bella laid her head on my shoulder where it stayed for the next three minutes and forty-two seconds. I had started counting as soon as Bella walked out of the bathroom.

"I can't go in there." She whispered when five minutes was up.

"I'll get them." I offered. I didn't look at them as I walked back out and sat back down next to Bella. "One at a time?" I asked.

"No, both together."

"Ok. I…2…3"

I flipped them both over in my hand. I could feel Bella shaking next to me and I heard the sniffs before she even started to cry. She checked each test to make sure she was reading it correctly then buried her face in my shoulder.

One test had a negative sign in the window, and the other read 'Not Pregnant'.

I almost wanted to cry myself. I was beyond relieved, and I could tell Bella was too. I set the tests down on my nightstand and moved Bella into my lap. She was still crying, although it wasn't same wrenching sobs as before. Her tears were interspersed with her breathing. I could feel her heart still hammering in her chest.

"Are you ok?" I asked a few minutes later, when it felt as though she had calmed down a little.

She picked her head up and wiped the tears from her face. "Yeah,"

I kissed her forehead before we stood up together. "You?" She asked, reaching for my hands and holding them lightly.

"I'm ok. I'm relieved."

"Me too," She leaned up and kissed me a couple times. "No more spontaneous sex."

"At least not in places where we can't easily get to a condom."

Bella just shook her head and stood on her toes to kiss me again. I cradled her face in my hands, thumbing away the tears that continued to fall.

"Can you feed me now?" She asked when we parted. "I'm starving."

Her comment made me laugh out loud, but I agreed to her request and we walked downstairs together. Despite that she was relieved the test had been negative, Bella barely touched the eggs and bacon I had made. Her mind was obviously still upstairs.

"Is there a possibility that both of those tests are wrong?" She asked, moving her scrambled eggs around the plate.

"No," I answered confidently. "And if there was, the best option would be to go the hospital and ask my dad to take your blood and run it, but we don't need to get him involved."

Bella shook her head in agreement and took a small forkful of eggs. I reached across the table to lay my hand on hers. "Please, eat, baby. I thought you were starving."

"I guess I lost my appetite." She propped her elbows up on the table and let her head fall into her hands. "Do you every think about it?" She asked.

"About what?"

"Kids,"

"With you?"

Bella nodded.

"Yes, I have. A couple times, I certainly did this morning."

"You think it could happen?"

"Do you really want to have this conversation right now?" She nodded again. I eyed her plate and nodded to her fork. Bella picked it up and took a couple forkfuls of egg and ate a piece of bacon.

"Satisfied?" She asked, still chewing.

"You finish while I talk." I offered, since my food was already long gone. With a sigh, Bella slumped a little in her chair and continued to eat. "I have thought about it a few times, Bella. And someday, yes, I want a family with you. I want everything with you. But we shouldn't let today determine what our future together could be. We'll only find that out when it happens. Come on, I still have to give you your Christmas present." I stood up and offered her my hand.

Bella took it and stood up slowly, eyeing me skeptically. I guided her into the room with the piano and pulled the bench out. She sat down next to me and I lifted the cover on the keys.

"Remember the piece I played for you?"

"Yes, it was so beautiful."

I fingered a few keys letting the notes flow one into the other, "And I told you I had the best inspiration next to me?"

Bella blushed lightly, "You finished it?" She guessed, and I nodded. "Play for me,"

I placed my hands on the keys and began to let the music flow. Bella rested her hand on my thigh, watching my fingers as they danced across the ivory and black. I could feel every breath she took in the simply contact between us. Her shoulder brushed mine as she moved closer.

I played the first part of the piece twice before moving into the crescendo that marked the middle. I could feel every note rising in me before it came out through my fingers. I looked sideways over at Bella at one point and noticed a single tear running down her face.

She turned into my shoulder to wipe it off on my shirt and returned to sitting straight, her eyes on my hands. As I moved into the most powerful part of the composition I felt Bella's hand tighten on my leg. I slowed down a little and moved into the final measures. As the last notes faded away I looked over at Bella. She was crying again, but smiling.

"That was beautiful, Edward. Thank you," She leaned up and kissed my cheek lingering for a moment before I turned and pressed my lips to hers.

"I wrote it for you. Consider it to be a lullaby." I stroked the side of her jaw with my thumb.

"Will you hum it for me if I can't sleep?"

"I would write words to it and sing for you if I was a good lyricist."

She kissed my cheek. "I have faith in you." I knew she meant it as a joke in response to my statement, but I also knew she was telling me the truth.

"I have faith in you, too, Bella. You're stronger than you think you are."

She wrapped a hand around my neck, smiling. "I think you put too much stock in trying be perfect. Just stop."

I chuckled to myself. I know it seemed as though considering my upbringing I should be a bitter asshole, but I knew my mother would never have wanted me to have that kind of outlook on life. I'm the person I am today because it was how she would have wanted me to turn out. When I told Bella that she agreed with me, but disagreed about herself.

"My mom didn't care enough about me to stick around, so why should I bother thinking she would have cared how I turned out?" She shrugged at the end, a basic Bella move that meant she didn't actually believe what she was saying.

"I think you're an amazing person, Bella." She blushed a light rose color. "Let's go upstairs and I can prove how amazing you are."

Bella scoffed, but got off the bench, following me from the room and toward the staircase.


	13. I Will Not Bow

**Chapter 13, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**BPOV**

"I'm not so sure this is a good idea." Edward grumbled from the driver's seat as we made our way to La Push. We were invited by my friend, (and ex-boyfriend), Jacob, and he had extended the invitation for New Year's to Emmett and Jasper as well.

He and his friends from the reservation were throwing a huge party on the beach. It attracted most of the high school students from Forks, even those who knew no one on La Push.

"Why is this not a good idea?" I asked, sipping from the bottle of champagne we had taken from his father's stash.

"Because it's your ex, what if he still…you know?"

"He doesn't. Trust me. He never did." I put the bottle down between my feet. "And neither did I." I wanted to lean over and kiss his cheek, but he was still driving.

We arrived at Jacob's house a few minutes later. I told him to park next to Jake's car by the garage. "Nice bike," He commented as we got out, noticing the motorcycle that Jacob was rebuilding. "Hey, save some for me." He made a grab at the champagne bottle I was drinking from, but I pulled it out of his reach.

"I'm not done yet, hang on." I took another sip then handed it to him.

Edward took a long pull then put the cork back in. "Ugh, I hate champagne. How can you stand it? It's so dry."

I shrugged and pulled the jacket I was borrowing from Edward closer around my body. I couldn't wait to get near the bonfire, it was freezing.

"You made it!" Jake called out as Edward and I approached the beach. He ran over and gave me a one-arm hug. "You look really good, Bella."

"Thanks, so do you. This is my boyfriend, Edward." I grabbed his hand and pulled Edward forward.

"Hey, happy New Year. I think I've seen you down here before."

"Yeah, probably with Emmett and Jasper." Edward muttered. "They party down here a lot."

"Oh yeah, they're here already." Jacob motioned back to the party on the beach. Everything got awkwardly silent for a minute before the three of us finally headed toward the fire.

Emmett and Jasper moved over on a long log and handed Edward and I each a beer. He finished his in three sips and cracked open a second one. "Chill, man. Jacob has a girlfriend, he's not going to go after yours." Emmett told him, nodding off to where Jacob was currently making out, heavily, with a girl his age. I couldn't tell what she looked like from here, but he was apparently quite serious with everyone knowing she belonged to him.

After the initial awkward moments early in the night Edward calmed down and we had a pretty good time. I drank, a lot. I was trying to put some of the events from the past week out of my mind. Edward pulled me to my feet close to midnight and we slow danced by the fire, even though the rock music currently blaring from one of the radios was significantly faster than the pace we were keeping.

"Are you better?" I asked, more like slurred. Edward held me firmly so I didn't fall as he spun me slowly.

" Much, now. Sorry,"

"It's ok. Jacob offered for us to sleep at his house."

"Do we have to?"

"That or we share a tent with Emmett and Jasper."

Edward shook his head in disgust. "Ugh, no thanks. Emmett snores, and farts."

I giggled drunkenly as Edward spun me again. He pulled me back in to him and held my hand against his chest. "This is nice, and warm." I commented, pressing my head against him. He felt solid beneath me, making me feel safe in his embrace.

We stayed by the fire as everyone counted down to midnight. Fireworks went off down by the water painting the sky in bright bursts of blue, green and red. Edward kept his arm around me as he pressed a searing kiss to my lips. I clutched at his shirt holding him as close as possible.

"Happy New Year, Bella." He whispered.

"Happy New Year. Lets make it a good one."

"Then I have a way to start it off right. Do you think anyone will miss us if we duck out now?" He waggled his eyebrows.

"Where are going to go?"

"Jacob's house, remember?"

"I don't know about that…"

"Well, there's always the back seat of my car."

I didn't know about that either, but I was willing to try anything once. Or twice. It depended on how many condoms he had put in his wallet tonight. We didn't need to bother being sneaky. The only people that would really miss us were still drinking and helping to set off the fireworks.

I remember getting in Edward's car with him, I remember him turning the heat on, and I remember taking our clothes off, but after that everything got fuzzy. When I woke up in the morning we were in a bed together, but not mine, and not Edward's.

He grunted underneath me as I attempted to move. I tried to sit up but my head hurt too much so I laid back down. "Ow,"

"That can happen when you drink too much." Edward sat up a little, leaning against the headboard.

"So I now know." I curled up next to him laying my head on his chest and draped my arm across his torso.

"So whose room are we in?"

"Rachel's…I think." I looked around a bit. It definitely wasn't Jacob's room.

"Who's Rachel?"

"One of Jacob's older sisters. He has two." I groaned and rolled onto my stomach so I was half lying on top of him now. I placed a few kisses on his chest before moving my mouth up to press firmly against his. Edward threaded his fingers into my hair, sighing against my lips.

There was a soft knock on the door, making us pull apart, albeit slowly.

"Oops, sorry, should I wait a few minutes? Let you two finish?" Jacob joked from the doorway, peeking through his fingers.

"No, nothing is going on." I rolled back onto my side to face the door. "What's up?"

"Well, it's morning." Jacob smiled, obviously _not_ hungover. "And you're dad is coming by to go fishing with my dad. Just wanted to give you a heads up."

"Thanks," I rubbed my eyes and rolled away from the door. "How long until he gets here?"

"About forty minutes. If you want food I'm making eggs for me and Bianca." Jacob shut the door on his way out.

I laid there looking up at Edward. "Do you want to hang around?" he asked me, his fingers running up and down my back.

"Not really. He doesn't need to know I was drinking last night."

"Are you afraid he'll bust you and put you in the tank?"

I punched him lightly. "No, I could care less. It's just…it's awkward."

"Yeah, I understand." Edward sat up a little more, forcing me to sit up as well. "We should get going then."

"Do you want to eat real quick?" I asked as we got up and started to throw out clothes on.

"Emmett and Jasper were talking about going to the diner for breakfast this morning. Want to join them?"

I smiled across the bed and yanked the borrowed sweatshirt from the night before over my head. "Sure,"

Half an hour later we were sitting in a four-person booth, Edward and I across from Emmett and Jasper. Edward had one arm around my shoulders, his hand linked with mine.

We had already placed orders for food and were sipping coffee, talking about the night before. Jasper complained about sharing the tent with Emmett and almost leaving in the middle of the night just because of the snoring.

"It was because of all the alcohol." Emmett shrugged simply.

"No, you always snore like that." Edward said as he sipped his coffee. He leaned over and pressed his nose into my hair. I turned so he could kiss me, since I knew it was what he wanted.

"I wish I had that." Emmet grumbled across the table.

"What happened to Rosalie last night?" Jasper asked, making me look up.

"I talked to her, sober." Emmett pointed out before one of us could say something.

"Did you actually _talk_ to her, or just stare at her chest all night?" Edward asked.

"I actually talked to her. And…I'm taking her out for dinner tonight."

I think everyone at the table had their eyebrows raised with Emmett's admission. Our food arrived just then giving everyone an excuse to not comment while we ate. Edward attempted to steal a bite of my chocolate chip waffles, but I smacked his hand with the flat side of my knife.

"I'll give you some of my scrambled eggs." He offered.

I couldn't resist. I loved scrambled eggs. We split our food in half and wound up feeding each other bites from our plates. So the splitting became a moot point.

"So you have an actual date with the poor girl?" Jasper asked. Emmett stole an entire sausage link from his plate in response. "It was a joke, asshole."

"Whatever." Emmett mumbled through the food he was chewing. "Yes, I have an actual date with her. I'm taking her to that nice restaurant on the water. The Bay, I think it's called."

I leaned across the table a little bit to get his attention, "Emmett, a word to the wise. If you're really serious about Rosalie, you should woo her, not suffocate her with compliments. A girl like Rosalie is used to attention like that. You should be more subtle and sincere, instead of just trying to get in her pants."

"So what should I do?" Emmett asked me seriously. He actually put his fork and knife down to listen to me.

"Ok, you're picking her up I assume."

"Yeah, around six."

"Ok, when we're done here, go over to the florist and make an arrangement of flowers, then have them sent to Rosalie's house. And don't just pick the first bouquet you see when you walk in the door. Look at the flowers, you can ask the florist what the meaning of them are if you're interested. Then, when you show up tonight at her, bring one white daisy with you."

"Why a daisy?"

"Because you're not on rose level status with her yet."

"But he gets you roses all the time." Emmett jabbed his fork in Edward's direction.

"Because I love her, jackass, and she loves me back."

"I love Rose,"

"No, you're infatuated. And I can guarantee she doesn't love you back."

"Not yet," I interrupted before Edward and Emmett started to go at each other's throats. "But she will be. If you don't spend more time talking to her tits than to her face."

"So I show up at her place with a white daisy."

"Any kind of daisy will be fine. But a daisy, not a rose. You want to tell her that you like her, that you think she's pretty, not that you're falling all over yourself trying to impress her."

Emmett nodded and took a huge bite of his breakfast. "And smaller bites tonight, Emmett." I pointed out.

He blushed lightly and swallowed a bit noisily.

After breakfast, which Edward would not let me contribute to, we headed back to his house to shower and get some more work done. We still needed to finish the chemistry project that was due on Friday.

"Do you think shit is going to hit the fan tomorrow?" I asked at dinner. We had ordered Chinese since the kitchen was officially out of food for the week. I speared a piece of orange chicken and popped it in my mouth.

"With what?"

"Jessica,"

Edward stopped eating and put his chopsticks down. He then reached across the table to lay his hand on mine. "We have nothing to worry about. Let Jessica say whatever the fuck she wants. None of it will have any weight."

"I know that, but it doesn't make me any less nervous. You know we no longer have any anonymity, right?"

Edward nodded and smiled to himself about something. "You should try to see the bright side of it."

"How could there possibly be a bright side to this?"

He leaned in cupping the back of my neck and pressed his forehead against mine. "Now we can kiss each other whenever we want."

I slept fitfully, even with Edward right beside me, his arm around my waist the only form of comfort. I woke up seconds before the alarm on his cell phone went off. Edward reached over and hit the snooze button, giving us another nine minutes to cuddle.

He rolled back over to face me and ran his fingers down my cheek until he was cupping my jaw. "Good morning,"

"Good morning," I whispered back.

"Are you freaking out?" I nodded. He reached for my left hand and fingered the ring on my second finger. "If there's a point in the day when we're not together, and you start freaking out, just remember I love you." He brought my hand up to his lips and kissed the ring.

It was a simple silver band made of tiny hearts that he had given me over break. It wasn't a promise ring, but it was his way of saying he loved me, and that I was his.

"Do you want to stop for coffee?" We still hadn't gotten out of bed.

"Yeah, will you share a cinnamon roll with me?"

"If that's what you want." He reached out and cupped my jaw again, running his thumb along my cheekbone. "Today is going to be ok, Bella."

"I know, I just want it to be over so we can face tomorrow stronger."

We got up a few minutes later and dressed quickly. We were running a little short on time having lingered in bed longer than anticipated. We stopped at the local bakery and got coffee and a cinnamon bun, which we shared in the car after we arrived at school.

"Ready?" Edward asked, looking out his window the mass of students as they arrived on campus.

"Ready," I responded confidently. I got out of the car and took Edward's hand in mine and we walked up to the school like that.

There were no stares as we entered the building, no whispers following us down the hall to our lockers. We made it through our morning routine of gathering our books and getting ready. Except this morning, Edward kissed me goodbye outside my first classroom promising, as he always did, to see me in chemistry fourth period.

I could tell as I walked into the classroom that it had been unexpected. A few stares followed me to my seat along with some tipped heads and scattered whispers. I sat down and took my notebook out, ignoring the scraping of chairs as people turned to watch me. One girl I didn't know looked me up and down, and I had to wonder if Jessica had actually said anything about the tests she had wrung up for me and Edward.

"What?" I snapped, merely because I couldn't stand being stared at. The girl raised her eyebrows at me and turned back around in her seat.

"Hey, Bella,"

I turned, expecting to have to tell someone else off, but I was met with a friendly smile from the last person I had been expecting to even notice me. "Hi, Rosalie,"

She actually got up and moved her seat to next to mine. "So, you and Edward?" She asked, not impolitely.

"Yeah…just sort of happened." I answered, flipping through my notebook for lack of anything else to do. Why the hell was Rosalie Hale even talking to me? Someone like her usually pretended that someone like me didn't even exist.

"Yeah, me and Emmett, too…" She let the sentence hang. I turned in surprise. "We hooked up on New Year's, and he took me out last night."

"I hope you two had a good time."

"He was such a gentleman, so much more than I was expecting. But we were sitting at dinner and talking about what we do in our off time from school and practice. He went on and on about his friends and how he was so happy that Edward had found someone and that he was smiling again."

I felt a blush creep into my cheeks. I took a breath and looked up finally from my fake perusing. "He means a lot to me."

"And apparently you mean a lot to him, too. Look, Jessica Stanley was talking this morning to all the girls on the squad. I just have to ask."

"I'm not pregnant, Rosalie. The tests were both negative."

"I'm glad. I knew she was lying. Besides this class I think you and I have German together and History as well. If anyone bothers you…"

"Thanks, Rose, but I don't need someone stepping in."

"No offense, Bella, but you're not the aggressive type."

She was right, and I knew it.

"I really like Emmett, I always have, and I was going to ask him out soon if he hadn't finally said something Saturday night." Rosalie explained, a bit hurriedly since class was about to start. "And I consider his friends to be my friends. I don't let fake pieces of shit like Jessica Stanley say things against my friends and get away with it."

I was genuinely touched. I had had Rosalie Hale pegged as your stereotypical, superficial cheerleader. She reached over across the desk and patted my arm. "Don't worry, I won't get involved if you don't want me to."

"Thanks, Rose, I appreciate that. So do you think it would be ok if I sit with all of you at lunch from now on? I would enjoy some real conversations now and again. You can only listen to so much talk about nails and fashion and dieting before you begin to lose your mind."

I laughed out loud and had to lay my head in my arms. Rosalie laughed next to me, and when a few girls in the front row turned to stare Rosalie returned the gesture with a death glare, effectively making them shrink back in their seats in silence.

I was in shock throughout the rest of the period, almost unable to focus. Rosalie walked with me to my next class, chatting the entire time about her date with Emmett. I was pleased that he had taken my advice to heart, and more so pleased that he had succeeded.

"I'll see you at lunch, Bella, save me a seat." Rosalie waved as she walked off toward her next class.

I was so relieved when the time for chemistry came around. Not because it was easy and I didn't have to think much, I just had so much I wanted to say to Edward. He beat me to the punch, however, as soon as I joined him at the lab bench. I got a quick kiss and I reached under the table to take his hand.

"So Emmett was telling me about his date Sunday night, and apparently it very well. And _apparently_ Rosalie is in your first period class. I never noticed her before."

"Well, you're never really paying attention to anyone else in the room when you walk me to the door."

"That's true." Edward snaked his hand down my back and discreetly squeezed my bottom through the jeans I was wearing. "So, did Rose say anything to you?"

I went off in the few minutes we had before class was due to start, regaling everything to him that I could remember of my conversation with Rosalie. He seemed as amazed as I had been.

"Well, she definitely makes a loyal ally." He commented, flipping his notebook open. Edward leaned in and stole one more kiss before class started. I ignored the stares from across the bench. I knew Edward was doing this mostly because he could now, and also because I knew enjoyed kissing me as much I enjoyed kissing him.

We earned more than our fair share of whispers by the end of class. We remained completely professional all throughout today's experiment, but as soon as we were done, which was sooner than anyone else, Edward had me sit on his lap while we typed up our data sheet on one of the classroom computers.

He offered to walk with me to my next class, since he knew Jessica Stanley had developed a habit of waiting for me in the hallway when chemistry was over. "Will you stop?" I asked with a laugh as he began kissing along my neck outside my next classroom.

"Just making sure everyone knows you're mine." He mumbled against my skin.

"I think they got the picture, Edward."

I couldn't deny the way his touch made me feel, but I had to bite back the desire it aroused in me. Right now was not the time, and most definitely not the place to lose control.

"Ok, you need to go." I pushed him off gently.

"I'll see you at lunch."

"We'll be having permanent company." I called after him as he walked down the hall. I blew him a kiss, which he caught and pressed to his heart.

I was so happy to get to lunch two periods later. Edward and Jasper were already there. I watched as a few pairs of eyes followed me to the table, but no one said anything. I was still waiting for the confrontation with Jessica. But knowing that I had support behind me if it happened made me feel stronger.

"Hey," I sat down next to Edward and leaned over to plant a quick kiss on his lips.

He seemed a little surprise by my affection. "I thought you were mad at me."

"No," I shook my head with a smile. "Just calm down the touching in the hallway. It makes me want to do unholy things to you." I whispered

"Hm, really."

"Stop," I pressed a finger to his lips and grabbed the salad he had picked up for me. "Where's my tuna fish?"

"I ate it,"

Jasper reached across the table and took the little container from where it was hiding under Edward's arm and handed it to me. "Thank you,"

"Don't blue ball me and I won't hide it anymore."

"This is an awkward conversation to walk into." Emmett announced as he and Rosalie walked up. I got a bright smile and a 'hello' as she sat down across from me.

I was surprised by how conversation flowed at the table. Rosalie fit in naturally. She called Emmett out on every glare, stare, and not-so discreet touch he committed. But she seemed to really enjoy the attention, and enjoy Emmett. She wrapped her arm around his and leaned into his shoulder.

I glanced over at Jasper at one point and noticed that he seemed uncomfortable. I felt bad for him, being the only one now at the table without a significant other. I hadn't known Jasper to talk to a lot of girls, or any girl at all. I didn't even know if he was interested in dating.

"He used to date my cousin, Alice." Edward explained later at my house as we cooked dinner. We hadn't hung out here for a while, and I wanted to check on things like the food status and the laundry. I came by everyday to bring the mail and paper in, and to check for bills, which was the one thing Charlie always remembered to do on time when it came to household responsibilities.

"What happened? I mean, you don't have to tell me it's not my business." I flipped the steaks over in the pan and added a little more grapeseed oil.

"It's ok. They started dating in seventh grade, although it wasn't called dating then but even at that age everyone knew they were really serious about each other. Then sophomore year, Alice's parents told her they were moving to Paris."

"Paris, wow. Why there?"

"Alice's dad owns some huge company and it went international. Alice didn't want to go and I offered for her to stay with my dad and me since my mom and Alice's mom were sisters, but they wouldn't let her. Jasper was heartbroken, and I don't think he's ever really gotten over her."

"No wonder he looked so uncomfortable today."

Edward tipped some spinach into a pan and began to sauté it down. "I don't think he's as sad as he used to be, but yes, he does miss her and seeing his friends getting into relationships makes him feel like the third wheel. We were talking after lunch." Edward explained.

"Don't forget," I prodded the jar of garlic and the red pepper flakes.

"Oh, sorry. I know you like garlic."

"I love it, there's a big difference."

"Well, I feel sorry for any vampire that wants to come and suck on your neck."

"I thought that was your job."

Edward shook his head and moved the spinach around in the pan. "Don't start something you don't intend on finishing, Swan."

"Oh I'll finish it, but after dinner."

I glanced over at Edward and I knew the blush on his face had nothing to do with the steam rising from the food in the pan.


	14. Stand My Ground

**Chapter 14, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

"So what's the plan for tonight?" Bella asked as she and I walked out of the school at the end of the day. It was Valentine's Day, and I had already surprised her this morning with a single red rose and a small box of chocolate kisses. I got a tip-toe-arms-around-the-neck passionate kiss in return. I didn't give her a card. She didn't need one to know how I felt.

"If I told you the plan I'd have to kill you." I smirked at her. Bella grabbed my arm and leaned her head into my shoulder. The rose I'd given her stuck out of her messenger bag, bobbing lightly as we walked to my car. I got her door for her, leaning down for another kiss before I shut it.

"Have fun tonight you two!" Emmett called from across the parking lot. I looked up as he waved and he and Rosalie got into his Jeep. They were heading into Seattle for the afternoon and for dinner.

Jasper had already left for the day. It hurt me a little to see how downtrodden he was all morning, the only one in our group without a significant other. I knew today was always one of the toughest for him throughout the year. He missed my cousin Alice more today than on holidays.

As far as I knew they at least kept in contact via email, but those were few and far between now.

"Can I at least get a hint?" Bella asked halfway back to my house.

"Nope,"

"Ok, well do me a favor and stop at my house so I can grab some clothes."

I obliged and pulled into her driveway a few minutes later. Bella got out, ran in and came back out a few minutes later with her black duffle bag over her shoulder. I glanced in the rearview mirror as we drove off, noticing her father's cruiser coming up the street. No wonder Bella had hightailed it through the front door.

"Things still not good between you and your dad?"

"We haven't spoken since Christmas." Bella muttered, her eyes looking out the window.

I reached over and took her hand holding it firmly on top of the center console. Bella turned to smile at me, but then went right back to staring out the window. I wasn't going to let this ruin the rest of our day.

When we finally arrived at my house I took Bella's things to carry inside and asked her to go upstairs and take a nap and then whenever she got up to indulge in a shower, or bath, whichever she preferred. I would bring her clothes up in a little while. I had some work to do in the kitchen first.

I had nothing fancy planned, we didn't need that. I was planning on stir-fry, but with seafood since I knew Bella loved it so much. This was going to be new for me since I had never attempted stir-fry on my own. The last time it was made in this kitchen, Bella was the one cooking, but I had paid attention.

I had cheated and bought some frozen spring rolls as an appetizer. I wasn't that good, yet. But I was going to make the dipping sauce by hand.

I had just started putting all of the prepped vegetables and seafood into the fridge when I heard the shower turn on upstairs. I had been cleaning and chopping for a couple hours now and it was getting close to 4. I ran upstairs with Bella's clothes and left the duffle on my bed, then grabbed some clean clothes for myself and hopped in the shower in the guest bedroom.

The water was still running in my bathroom when I finished so I headed back downstairs to start cooking and put the spring rolls in the oven. I was satisfied with my plan for us, and I knew Bella would be as well.

I spent the next forty minutes or so finishing dinner and cooking the stir-fry. I could hear Bella moving around upstairs and her blow dryer turn on. I was just putting the last touches to the table when I heard feet on the stairs, and from the sound of it, no shoes. Perfect.

Bella appeared in the doorway as I lit the last candle. She stood there with her hands clasped behind her back, clad in a simple, yet beautiful red dress that stopped at her knees. Underneath she wore black stockings, and no high heels. I liked that. She had applied a little makeup, nothing overboard, and clipped the sides of her hair back.

"Wow," I breathed, setting the matches down on the counter. "You look stunning."

"I thought red would be appropriate."

"You thought right," I smiled and offered her my hand to guide her over to the table.

"I could smell the food from upstairs, it was making my mouth water." She commented eyeing the meal I had prepared appreciatively.

"Well, I cheated a little."

"I won't tell. It's the thought that counts."

We settled down to eat in the peace of the quiet house, trading smiles and kisses over dinner. I was relieved that today had turned out to be tranquil. Knowing Jessica and her need to make everyone around her feel miserable, I would have thought she'd chosen today to make some kind of remark regarding Christmas break. But nothing ever happened. But I knew it was coming, I could feel it.

I didn't plan anything special for dessert, but I had cut up some strawberries and left them in the fridge. After cleaning up the dishes and starting the dishwasher I fetched them along with a can of whipped cream from the door.

"Let's take these upstairs." Bella whispered to me, grabbing the can from my hand.

I followed obediently. I was interested in feeding her the strawberries, but I was more interested now in seeing what was under that red dress.

Once we got my bedroom door closed clothes went flying, and the strawberries and cream left forgotten on my desk. Thankfully we remembered a condom, despite how fast we were moving. I was pent up from sharing bites of food off my dinner plate, and the fact that Bella kept nudging and rubbing my crotch all throughout the meal with her stocking clad foot.

It was pure fire and lust between as we moved on the bed together. Bella was more vocal than I had heard from her in a while. Combined with my own eagerness I reached my end quickly, shouting my release as it surged through me.

I let myself fall onto Bella gently as I came down from my high, both of us trying to catch our breath. With a short laugh I separated our bodies, Bella groaning in protest beneath me. The sound made me smile even wider, and I rolled onto my back with her following.

Bella sighed contently as she snuggled up to my side laying her head on my chest and draping one arm across my torso. I would have been happy to lie like this for the rest of the evening, but I really had to pee now and I wanted to clean up.

As I started to shift, Bella grabbed at me. "Where are you going?"

"Bathroom, I need to piss." I laughed quietly.

"Oh! Can I go first?" she asked sheepishly.

"Yeah, but make it quick, my bladder is threatening to explode."

Bella scoffed at me as she climbed out of the other side of my bed. "Don't you sound like a woman?" she teased me as she hopped out of the bed. I reached over and smacked her naked ass lightly, making her shriek.

I thought I heard her mutter 'wiseass' as she sauntered into the bathroom, but I could have been wrong. While I waited for her to finish I stared up at the ceiling with my arms folded behind my head replaying in my mind every moment of what we had just done.

I always looked forward to the nights when we slept here. I had the significantly larger bed between the two of us, and it was so much easier to move around in without the fear of falling over the side should one of us get a touch too excited.

"Ok, your turn," Bella announced happily as she walked back into the room from the en suite bathroom. She had dressed her naked form in the thin satin robe she left here. She hopped back onto the bed remaining on her knees as she leaned over me and pressed a sweet kiss to my lips. "I thought your bladder was about to explode."

"I can ignore it a minute longer if you keep doing that." I smirked at her and waggled my eyebrows.

"Go relieve yourself." She chastised, shooing me from my own bed. I grabbed my shorts from the floor tossing them on as I crossed the room to my bathroom. "Edward," Bella called a minute later when I was standing in front of the toilet.

"Yeah,"

"Can I put one of your records on?"

I stuck my head around the corner of the door. "My vinyl?"

Bella nodded from where she stood in front of one of my most prized possessions, a large vinyl record case in her hand. "Yeah, go for it, just please try not to scratch anything."

"Of course, wouldn't dream of it."

I returned to business, pleased to hear the familiar sounds of rock filling my room a minute later. I finished up and washed my hands. I was just drying them off when I heard my bedroom door slam open and the all too familiar voice of my father shouting over the music.

"Edward, is there really a reason for the volume to be that high?" He stopped dead at the end of his question, no doubt realizing he wasn't yelling at me. "You're not Edward." He stated simply.

I heard the music shut off followed by Bella's voice. "No, I'm not." I smiled to myself at Bella's lack of helpfulness toward my father, but made sure to wipe the grin off my face as I walked back out into my room.

Carlisle was still standing in the doorway, clearly dumbfounded for words caused by the situation before him. Bella was dressed in just her thin, little robe and I in just my boxers. My father could obviously guess as to what we had just been doing. But it shocked me when he made no mention of it.

"Dad, this is Bella, Bella, my father Carlisle." I introduced them quietly, my eyes then roaming for a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt I hoped was lying on the floor. I knew he had technically met her at Christmas, but had probably assumed she was a one-time girl, which pissed me off thinking about it. I realized I had not introduced them at the time, which was why I did it now.

"It's very nice to meet you, Bella. I had no idea Edward was seeing someone, otherwise I would not have barged in like I had."

"What are you doing you home, anyway?" I asked as I pulled on the clothes I had been searching for. "Isn't it a little early for you to be crossing the threshold back into the house?"

I watched in amazement as my father's shoulders completely fell and a look of pain crossed his face. I stood up straight watching as the rest of his form slumped, and then his eyes flicked up to meet mine.

"I took the rest of the evening off. I need to talk to you, son." His voice was low and quiet now the complete opposite of just a couple minutes ago, and I knew right away that something was wrong. "In my office? In a minute? It's important."

He never addressed me by 'son', at least not in recent years. Whenever he did address me directly it was always by my first name. So hearing him use the parental endearment told me that whatever it was he had to say, it was no small matter. I nodded to let him know I would be there in a minute and he left without another word.

"I'm so sorry," Bella whispered once the door was shut.

"For what?" I asked.

"I didn't realize the volume was set so high, I was just about to turn it down when he walked in."

I sat down on the side of my bed and patted the spot next to me indicating for Bella to come over. I wrapped my arm around her pulling her to me and kissed the top of her head. "You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing happened. Don't worry about it. At least its not as bad as it was in previous years."

Bella looked up at me completely confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Uh…how about I tell you when I get back from talking to him? I have the feeling this might take a while, and I don't want to keep him waiting. I'll be back, ok."

"I'm not going anywhere." Bella gave me a chaste kiss before I got up. I walked out looking over my shoulder a final time before shutting the door. Bella was now looking down to the floor, embarrassment and shame crossing her lovely features. I would talk to her when I got back.

I knocked once before walking into my father's office. When I saw the glass half filled with amber liquid in his hand as he stared out the floor-to-ceiling window into the night, I was officially convinced something had happened at work. The thought had been nagging at me for the past several minutes, but seeing the alcohol in his hand confirmed it.

"So what's up?" I asked as I sat down in one of the chairs facing his huge mahogany desk.

My father turned from the window to face me and took a large gulp of the liquor in his hand before seating himself in the leather chair behind his desk. "I know I haven't been the best parent toward you that I could have been in recent years. I know I've shown less than little interest in your accomplishments and to say that I am…ashamed of myself would be an understatement."

I sat up a little straighter in my chair as I listened, not as shocked as I thought I would have been to hear this from him. I knew it was coming one day, I simply had not expected it to be so soon. I wanted to know what the catalyst was to have caused such a profound reaction from him.

"I don't want you to apologize."

"Edward, putting you aside because I am too consumed in my own grief is unforgivable."

"I miss mom, too. I know I was only three when she died, but I do remember her."

"I am so glad you do. She loved you so much, Edward. I wish so dearly that…that she had not been taken away from us. It's so unfair for a child to grow up without his mother."

"I did all right. You _were_ there…for a while."

Carlisle folded his hands on his desk looking down for a moment in apparent shame. "Yes, and then once you were old enough to look after yourself I left you alone. I never should have done that. I should have made more of an effort to be involved in your life. I know it is pointless to wish to go back and change time…" He looked up at me finally, his eyes full of sadness and longing, "But is it pointless for me to apologize for my horrific behavior toward you all of these years?"

I shook my head slowly. "It's not pointless, but neither does it change things."

"I know that," He got up from his chair and walked over to the table in the corner to refill his glass.

I slumped back in the chair. I was still waiting for him to get to his point. I knew he had more to say than just an apology. I could see it in his body language and hear it in his tone. It had that unmistakable unfinished sound to it. The same tone he used with patients when delivering particularly bad news.

"I can tell you're not done yet."

"I'm not," Carlisle said quietly from the corner. "I'm just contemplating how to deliver it."

I felt my eyebrow quirk in interest. "Is it bad?"

"No, not bad. Just…difficult to hear." My father sighed heavily as he walked back over to his desk and sat down. "There was a multiple car accident today on the highway. There were only two fatalities, and one of them was a boy your age." Carlisle stopped to take a breath and I immediately saw just how hard this was for him to share with me. I could guess where this was going, but I wanted to hear what my father had to say.

"We called his father asking him to come down to the hospital and identify the boy. I was with him…when he confirmed it was his son. He didn't say anything, but I could see the complete devastation in his eyes. Afterward I had him sit down to collect his thoughts and asked if he needed to talk to anyone.

"He asked if I would be willing to listen for a while. So I sat with him as he told me about his son. There were so many similarities between them and us, and I found it impossible to ask this poor man to stop. He lost his wife, just like he lost his son, in a car accident. The boy grew up from the age of five without a mother. But unlike myself, this father made sure he was always there to support his child.

"He was overcome with grief from losing his wife, but he didn't let it interfere with raising his child…as I did. He told me how proud he was of his son. How he had been accepted to Harvard to study law on a full scholarship. But now it's gone, and he has no one left. It made me think of you so much, Edward."

My father stopped to look at me, to make sure I was hearing him. He didn't know just how intently I was listening. I leaned forward resting my head on my folded hands. "I really don't know what to say, dad. What happened today is unfortunate, and I'm really sorry for that boy's father."

"I would hate for the same to happen to you, Edward. You are all I have left. I can't lose you." My father rose from his chair and walked around his desk. I got up as he approached me and was shocked when he pulled me into a tight hug. "Promise me you'll be safe."

"I am, I always am. You don't have to worry about me. I can take care of myself."

Carlisle let me go but he held me at arm's length. "Good. I promise as well, Edward, that I am going to be more involved. I know I can do nothing to make up for the time lost between us, but I want to try."

I nodded, my way of telling him that I would like that, but I couldn't find my voice to actually say it. I was still reeling from what it had taken for my father to get to this point. It was typically never under pleasant circumstances that family suddenly decides to repair broken relationships.

When he finally let me go he returned to his chair behind his desk and leaned back in it, significantly more relaxed than he had been an hour ago. "How long have you and…Bella, right?" I nodded. "How long has this been going on?"

"Why?" I asked, suddenly feeling defensive.

"I just promised to be more involved in your life didn't I? I want to know about her."

Oh, right. "Well, we've been friends since September…and we've been sleeping together since Christmas."

Carlisle smirked briefly as I felt my face flush with embarrassment. "You didn't need to provide those exact details, I assumed from earlier that you two were…intimate with each other. She seems like a very nice girl."

"She is," I responded, my mind drifting away to where Bella was waiting for me back in my bedroom. "She's smart, funny, beautiful…I love spending time with her."

Carlisle nodded, "You love her, I can tell."

"I care about her. I don't like seeing her in pain. I don't like it when she's sad."

"Have you told her yet?"

"Yeah, I tell her everyday."

"Good, if you feel so strongly for Bella you should tell her as often as you can. Tell her everything. Don't spare a single detail." He bowed his head for a moment, a look of regret crossing his face. "I sometimes wish I had told your mother more often how much I loved her. I told her everyday, but I now realize I should have told her even more often than that."

Silence passed between us as we both processed everything that had been said in the last hour or so.

"Have her come over for dinner tomorrow night. I'm going to rearrange my hours tomorrow and starting as soon as possible I'm going to stop working such late hours and try to be home before midnight."

"I'm guessing that's more so for your own benefit, for rest right?"

"Yes. Quite a few of my colleagues have requested that I do so for some time now. And after today…I just can't put it off anymore, Edward. I do need a rest."

I got up slowly letting my eyes drift around my father's office for a minute before I looked back to him. I was proud of him for taking the steps that he planned to. And I was happy that he wanted to finally find some peace after so many years of punishing himself…but it was going to be difficult to simply open up to him when he asked anything from now on.

"Thank you, for everything." I said quietly, "I know you said you took the rest of the night off, but are you going back?"

"I may go in later for an hour or so, but I would prefer right now to relax and maybe close my eyes for a while."

I nodded, "Ok. I guess I'll see you around later." I walked out quietly, noticing that as I had said goodbye, Carlisle had been taking out a journal I had not seen him write in for a very long time. I left him to his thoughts, making sure I shut the door behind me.

When I got back to my room I noticed first that Bella had not turned the music back on, and second that she was passed out on my bed, still clad only in her robe. I lay down next to her getting as close as I could without disturbing her. Bella snuggled closer to me in her sleep, laying her head on my chest.

"I missed you," she whispered, her eyes opening slowly. She smiled at me and leaned up pressing her lips to mine.

"I missed you, too." I whispered in return.

"You promised to tell me something…" She mumbled as she got comfortable again, wrapping one arm around my torso.

I dropped a kiss to the top of her head. "I'll tell you everything later, I swear. Just sleep for now."

Bella nodded against me, her breathing already deepening and evening out as she passed back into sleep. I slipped an arm around her holding her close. The words I wanted to say to her played over and over in my mind, but I just couldn't voice them. It should have been so easy with her lying here with me.

Though, for some reason, I found it impossible.


	15. Running Up That Hill

**Chapter 15, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**BPOV**

"Are you sure he's actually going to show up tonight?" I asked as Edward and I walked through the produce section of the store. We were picking up ingredients for dinner tonight. Edward's father had asked me to come over, and I knew I could say no, but I wanted to be there. Carlisle was finally expressing an interest in his son after so many years of…I don't want to say neglect, but what else could it be?

"Yeah, he'll be there. I threatened him, more or less, this morning." Edward flashed me a grin as he dropped some bell peppers in the cart.

"You threatened him?" I questioned. I grabbed a couple avocados to make guacamole with and dropped them in the cart.

"Yeah. I may have mentioned something about losing all possible chances of seeing me in the house if he didn't come home tonight. And he took it exactly the way I wanted him to. He said quote, "No, Edward, I will not force you to act the way I have been all these years. I will be there tonight,"

"Wow,"

"Yeah. I'm glad he finally recognized his biggest fault in my eyes. Can you grab one of those chilies?"

I handed Edward what he was pointing to and he bagged it, leaving it in the top basket portion of the cart. I was looking forward to dinner tonight. We were making one of my old favorites that I remember my mom cooking when I was child. Being a native from Arizona, she was addicted to Mexican food, and despite liking to experiment in the kitchen, she was particularly good at making enchiladas.

And so tonight I was teaching Edward to cook Mexican food.

"Do we want anything for dessert?" He asked as he walked past the small bakery counter. I eyed the chocolate cake, but there was a carton of cinnamon ice cream in the freezer, and I thought it would go well with the sugar cookies I had baked yesterday.

"I'm just going to throw something together. Let's finish up. It's getting late and we need to get back."

Edward walked along beside me for a few aisles as he picked things off the shelves and I crossed them off the list. He was oddly quiet and I felt his eyes on me. "Want to tell me what's wrong?" he finally asked as we approached the checkout.

"I'm just a little nervous about tonight." I shrugged. "I just kind of get the feeling that your dad is going to want to spend time asking a ton of questions, and they're going to be directed mostly at you. I just…I think you're dad wants to spend time with you tonight."

Edward reached over and placed his hand on my back comfortingly. "He wouldn't have asked you to come over if he didn't want you there."

It was true, but I still couldn't shake my anxieties by the time we arrived back at the house.

I set Edward to work sautéing the chilies and onions while I made the cheese sauce and guacamole. I prepped the chicken for him, washing it and dicing it up, so he could toss it into a separate pan to cook. We worked in quiet harmony, moving around the stove together, putting the enchiladas together in peace.

I found it comforting, as it allowed me to think over my concerns for the evening. Edward let me be alone in my head for the time it took us to get dinner in the oven. He then excused himself to go out back for a couple minutes. I set the table while I waited for him to come back.

After ten minutes, Edward still hadn't come back inside. I searched him out to find him on the back deck with a cigarette in his hand. I wasn't entirely surprised, but it still caught me off guard.

I slid the door open and joined him on the deck chairs. "I thought you quit."

Edward flicked the end of his cigarette and took another drag. "No, not really. I'm down to one a day. I usually try and do it in the morning before you're up." He offered me the pack and I took one, borrowing his lighter.

"I'm down to one a day, too, but I sneak it between classes at school."

"I just need to chill. I didn't want to say anything earlier, but I'm really nervous about tonight, too. I'm more anxious over silence at the dinner table rather than the lack thereof. I'm worried about how awkward this is going to feel."

I reached over and took his free hand lacing our fingers together. I loved him, and I was going to be here tonight for him. We're in this together forever now, there's no turning back. And we both knew it. Someday we would make it official, but for now we're satisfied with where we stand.

"I can understand that. The few times I've actually sat down with my dad at the table in the last six months have been silent and awkward."

Edward blew smoke and flicked the end of his cigarette again. He sighed, running his free hand back through his hair. It was a nervous habit I had picked up from him, and I noticed he only did it when he was extremely stressed. He had never gotten to the point where he pulled his hair out, but from where I sat right now if he yanked any harder he would have a bald spot.

I reached up and loosened his grip on his hair. "Relax, I don't think it's going to be as bad as you're expecting, a little awkward maybe, but not a total disaster."

Edward stubbed out his cigarette and I did the same. We rose together and headed inside to take dinner out of the oven. His father was going to be home soon and I wanted to get the table set and everything out. Edward stood silent, watching me move. I could feel the anxiety coming off of him in waves.

He visibly jumped when the front door opened and his father called out a greeting. "I can smell dinner from the hall. It smells delicious."

"Thank you," I smiled softly at him as I placed the food on the table. "Edward actually cooked tonight." I glanced over at him, noticing he had finally moved away from the wall and was grabbing drinks from the fridge.

"I'm impressed,"

"Thanks," Edward muttered. His eyes were on the floor as we all sat down. I took his hand under the table and squeezed it gently. Silence fell over the table as everyone took a serving and ate while it was warm.

Carlisle was the one to break the silence first, commenting again on the food and how much he enjoyed it. "Bella is teaching me." Edward added, a small smile gracing his face momentarily.

"I think you'll have to come over more often, Bella."

I looked up from the bite of food I was taking, a long line of melted cheese following my fork as I lifted it from the plate. I laughed as I chewed, and I could feel the mood around the table improve significantly.

"So, what are your plans for college, Bella?" Carlisle asked he took a second serving.

"Well, right now I'm still waiting to hear back from a few, but so far I've been accepted to Washington State, Harvard, and Brown. I'm still weighing my options on where I want to go, and I know I have to make my decision soon. I want to study history, and I might even double major with history and literature. But I still haven't entirely made up my mind."

"That sounds wonderful. Edward, you've been accepted to Harvard as well, haven't you?"

"Yeah," Edward held up a finger as he finished chewing. "Sorry, yeah. Harvard, Dartmouth, and State, too. But State is my backup. I really want to go to Dartmouth."

"I know I should know this, but what are you thinking of studying?"

"Right now, I don't know. Maybe medicine, maybe history the same as Bella."

Carlisle nodded and sipped his drink. I glanced between him and Edward, watching as the latter was keeping his eyes on his plate as he ate, and the former watching his son. I was little intimidated, and felt as though I should leave so they could talk in private. I knew Edward needed me close, though, if only for my presence.

Finally Carlisle turned back to me, "What are you thinking of doing with a major in history, Bella?"

"Research, pharmaceutical maybe. But definitely research. I was thinking of going to graduate school in England."

I watched with satisfaction as Carlisle's eyes widened in surprise. "That's very impressive. I don't know students your age who have considered graduate school on the international level. If you do continue your studying in England, what would you focus on?"

I shrugged, "That I don't know yet. But I have the next three and a half years to figure it out."

"And I'm sure you will, Bella. You're a very bright young woman, I can tell."

I smiled, feeling a blush creep into my cheeks and pushed some hair behind my ear. Another glance around the table told me that everyone was done eating. I got up, Edward following suite, and we began to clear the table.

"I'll take care of it," Carlisle offered suddenly, shooing Edward and I away from the table.

"Are you sure?" Edward asked skeptically, a hint of sarcasm in his voice and a smile playing at his lips.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him out into the living room. I felt relief flooding through me now that dinner was over. I could hear Carlisle moving around in the kitchen as Edward and I sat down at the chess table by the fireplace.

Edward chuckled a couple times as we set up the pieces. He had been trying fervently over the past couple weeks to teach me to play. I knew I was no good, but it was fun to learn. It made us laugh each time I made a dumb move because I wasn't paying attention, and suddenly Edward had almost all of my pieces and I had only two or three of his.

"I think we should play strip poker one night." He suggested as he moved his first pawn.

"What, you think that will motivate me to play better and not lose so many pieces?" I moved my pawn two spaces forward.

"No, but it would fun to see how fast I can get you out of your clothes and on the piano in the other room."

I shuddered visibly in my seat across from him as I thought of him taking me on his piano. I felt more than saw Edward reach across underneath the little chess table and place his hand on my thigh.

There was sudden cough from the doorway and we broke apart, both of us flaming in the face. "Chess, that's a nice relaxing activity after dinner." Carlisle commented from where he stood at the threshold.

I took a quick moment to compose myself and find my voice before turning to him. "I was going to put out some ice cream and cookies for dessert in a little while, would you like some?"

"Of course. I'm going to go upstairs and do some paperwork. Is half an hour all right?"

"Yeah, we should be done by then." Edward answered just as I opened my mouth.

I glanced at him as he bid his father goodbye for now. I had a funny feeling he wasn't referring to the chess game.

I've been known to be wrong of course. Twenty minutes later we were still sitting there at the table. I was putting up a fight tonight. Usually by now we had been through one game. We were still on the first one, and the majority of my pieces were still on the board. The only reason I knew Edward wasn't intentionally letting me win was because most of his pieces were also on the table.

I moved my bishop and tipped over one of his pawns with a triumphant smile. Edward eyed me, his fingers tented in front of his face. He reached out slowly and took his knight, moving it across the board to capture my offending bishop.

"Bastard," I muttered as he placed the piece on his side of the board.

"Your move," he responded.

I captured another pawn in return.

Edward took my last knight.

I tipped over his castle.

He captured my other bishop.

I placed my queen five spaces from his king.

"Check," I smiled.

I watched slowly as Edward eyed the board for a moment. He reached out and moved his last castle over, guarding his king.

I moved my queen forward and captured it. "Check mate," I looked up at him with a gleeful smile. "I win,"

"Yes you do." He muttered, eyeing me from under his lashes. "Good game," He sat back in his seat clasping his hands behind his head.

"Did you let me win?" I asked, starting to put the pieces away.

"No, that was an honest loss for me. You did well,"

"Just well?"

"Exceptional. I told you, you could play." Edward gestured to me. He helped me finish putting the pieces away and we returned to the kitchen to put dessert together. I was excited only because I had never had cinnamon ice cream before. Edward assured me it was delicious, and since it was his favorite I took his word for it.

Just as I was placing three bowls on the table we heard Carlisle come down from his office. Edward looked up, apparently surprised that his father was returning. "This is going to take me some getting used to." He muttered just as his dad entered the kitchen.

I nodded in understanding and sat down to eat my dessert. It was going to take me some getting used to as well. I knew from now on Carlisle was going to want to spend as much time with his son as possible before we both went away to college. I had enough respect to honor that, but a part of me was feeling potentially selfish, wanting Edward all to myself.

Well, spring was coming and baseball was starting soon. He wasn't going to be all mine for much longer. I would have to share him with his sport. But add to that having to also share him with his father…well, I was feeling a little territorial.

"So, baseball is starting again, soon?" Carlisle asked, just as the though had entered my mind.

"Mm hm, Bella agreed to come to as many games as possible. And I offered to drive her to the away games, as well."

"I can do that, if I can go, of course." Carlisle offered. I looked up, wondering if I had heard him wrong.

"Don't put pressure on yourself, if you're working and you can't make it don't worry." Edward jumped in. He sounded sincere. This had suddenly turned into a normal sounding family conversation. I was struck by how much I wished I could have a conversation so easy and everyday like this with my own father, and tears started to collect in the corners of my eyes.

"Excuse me," I muttered quietly, and pushed my chair back from the table.

"Bella, are you ok?" Edward asked, taking the back of the chair as I pushed it out.

"Yeah, fine. I just need to use the bathroom. I'll be right back."

I headed out the front door and sat down on the first step. I still had Edward's pack of cigarettes in my pocket as well as his lighter so I pulled one out and lit it up taking a long drag as my tears started to fall.

The nicotine had a calming affect, but only so much. It didn't make the ache in my heart any less, only relaxed my edgy nerves. How much I wished I could sit down to dinner with Charlie and have a nice conversation between father and daughter. I would ask him about his day at the station and he would ask about my day at school. He would be thrilled to hear that I was valedictorian. I would be happy he came home from an uneventful day.

"It's not fair." I cried to myself. "It's just not fair."

"Bella,"

I turned with a sharp hiss when I heard the front door open behind me. Edward sat down next to me wrapping one arm around my shoulders and pulled me to his side.

He didn't say anything as I cried into his chest. I felt him take the cigarette from my fingers and heard him stub it out on the step. He wrapped his other arm around me holding me in a complete circle. He just let me cry without any words or objections.

I felt his fingers in my hair and on my back as my tears continued to stream unchecked, wetting his t-shirt. He whispered to me over and over, how much he loved me, how he understood the hurt I was feeling right now. I didn't hear most of it, too caught up in my own pain, but I grabbed on to the collar of his shirt and didn't let go. He was anchoring me right now, keeping me from slipping away into my own mind and misery.

Finally when I couldn't cry anymore, I looked up at him blinking through the remnants of tears in my eyes. Edward wiped them away as they fell. He leaned in and kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry, Bella." He whispered.

"It's not your fault."

"Doesn't mean I don't like seeing you like this."

"I'll be ok."

"Just needed to cry?"

I nodded. I could feel tears starting again but I swallowed them back. "Yeah, I'm fine now. Thank you,"

Edward tipped my chin up towards him and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips. "Do you want to stay here tonight, or go home?"

I didn't hesitate with my answer. "You, I want to stay with you."

"You can have me in either place, Bella. But do you want to be alone, or do you want to just stay here?"

"Here, please. I don't want to go home right now."

"Ok," Edward kissed the top of my head as he whispered to me. "But tomorrow we need to stop by your house."

"I know," I had weekly chores to do and Edward had practice.

"Lets go inside." Edward helped me to my feet, keeping one arm around my waist as he walked me inside. I noticed as we passed the kitchen that Carlisle had cleaned up once more and had gone back upstairs. I was grateful for the privacy.

"Tired?" Edward asked.

I nodded. He walked me upstairs to his room where he locked the door behind us.


	16. In My Arms

**Chapter 16, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**BPOV**

Time passed slowly over the next couple months. We made our way into April, counting down to the end of our final year at Forks High. I was beginning to think about my valedictorian speech a little more seriously now and was writing down ideas as they came to me.

It was no longer a secret among our classmates that Edward and I were exclusive. Jessica Stanley had taken care of that for us one afternoon by asking me rather loudly in the parking lot how I was "coming along".

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Jessica." I told her, pushing some hair behind my ear as I dumped my bag into the back seat of Edward's Volvo. He had run back in to grab some more books from his locker and to talk to Jasper and Emmett for a couple minutes about an upcoming game.

"Well, you're still not showing, but that's not uncommon in a first pregnancy, right?"

"I'm not pregnant, Jessica." I stated firmly, staring her down, my arms crossed.

"Oh, and I guess buying that pregnancy test back in December was just that? You know, just in case."

"No. If you must know, and I'm sure your little group is just as interested," I looked past Jessica and eyed her small band of friends watching from about twenty feet away, "I was about a week late for my period, and I freaked out."

"Uh huh, sure. Let me ask you this, is Edward as good as I remember, or is he losing his touch?"

"Well, as he tells me, the one time you slept with him he said it was the worst sexual experience he'd ever had and to had to fake it just so you would get off him."

I heard a couple of Jessica's friends snicker behind her and she glared at them over her shoulder. "That's not what I recall from that night." Jessica stammered as she turned back to me. "In fact, Edward just couldn't stop."

"Yeah, couldn't stop wanting to vomit every time I opened my eyes and had to look at you." Edward suddenly cut in as he walked over. Jessica pouted and looked as she though she really was about to break down into tears. "You ready to go?" Edward asked me, nodding to his car.

"More than ready." I snarled, watching Jessica stalk away to the laughter of her own friends.

I smiled at the memory because it had revealed Jessica for who she really was to everybody, but at the same time she had ousted Edward and I to the entire school. I had grown used to the little anonymity we had had left at that point in the semester, but all good things had to end I suppose.

"What's got you so distracted?" Edward asked beside me, reaching over across the console to take my hand.

"Huh, oh nothing." I answered, my mind still far off. "I was just thinking."

"About what?"

I shrugged, "Just stuff. Can you drop me off at home so I can get the mail and throw some of my dad's stuff in the wash?"

"Yeah. How are things between you two?"

"We haven't spoken a word to each other in three months." I answered sadly. I looked out the window as we approached my house. My dad's cruiser wasn't in the driveway, which was nothing new. I had hardly been home often enough to have a decent conversation, hell any conversation, in the past few months. So it was partially my fault we haven't spoken, but it was also Charlie as well.

When I was home I made my presence known by keeping the house clean, the pantry stocked and the bills paid. I always had coffee ready for him in the morning, and clean clothes in his closet. I made his bed whenever he was home to sleep in it and not on the couch. But even then I kept a pillow and fresh blanket folded up out in the living room for him.

I hardly ate dinner at my house anymore. I preferred to have dinner with Edward and his father. Where my relationship with Charlie was slowly deteriorating, Edward's relationship with Carlisle was growing stronger every day. To say I was a little jealous would be an understatement. I envied Edward for the rebuilding of his connection with his father and how easy it seemed to be.

We didn't talk about it much, there really wasn't a need to. I watched eagerly as old wounds repaired themselves between the two and I was so happy for them, but deep in my heart was a break that was only growing outward, eating at me from the inside out. I could feel the ache growing stronger everyday and no matter how much time I spent with Edward and no matter how many times a day he told me he loved me, and I always told him back, it didn't make the pain any less. I knew there was only so much I was going to be able to take. It was a void that Edward simply couldn't fill.

"I'll come back in a couple hours or so, I want to drive to Port Angeles really quick and grab something special for dinner tonight." Edward told me as I got out. I leaned back in and kissed him on the lips.

"Ok, I'll see you in a couple hours." I told him. "I love you,"

"I love you, too, Bella."

I watched Edward drive away, waving as he disappeared from view down the hill. I suddenly couldn't wait until tonight to see what he was bringing back. I let the next couple of hours pass by in a trance. I got the house picked up for the weekend and did a couple loads of laundry. I left some cold cuts and a salad in the front of the fridge for Charlie then waited for Edward to return.

I sat on the couch with my current read of the week. I had recently gotten sucked into the world of _The Hunger Games_ trilogy and couldn't wait to find out what happened next. When the phone rang in the kitchen I took a moment to finish the paragraph I was on before jumping up to answer the call. I knew it couldn't be Edward, he would have called my cell.

"Hello?" I answered quickly.

"Bella, it's Carlisle, Edward's father."

Oh no, I could only think of one reason why Carlisle would be calling.

"Yes, hi." I whispered, barely able to voice the response.

"Bella, Edward has been in an accident. He was brought in a half hour ago. I wanted to call you as soon as I had the chance and ask you to come down here."

"Is he…" I couldn't finish. I couldn't even think.

"He wasn't DOA, Bella. But please come down as soon as possible. I know he would want you here."

"I'll be right there." I slammed the phone down and grabbed my keys, not even bothering to lock the door on my way out.

The moment Carlisle called me from the hospital with the news about Edward I rushed out of my house and jumped in my truck pushing it as hard as I could to get there as soon as possible. I didn't bother to lock the cab as I jumped out. Right now the only important thing was getting to Edward and making sure he was all right.

I burst through the ER doors heading straight for the desk and practically collapsed against it panting in my rush. The nurse glared at me as if I was crazy, but also in concern to see if I was all right.

"Edward Cullen?" I asked breathlessly.

"Are you family?" She inquired as she started to flip through some files.

"I'm his girlfriend, but his father just called me…"

"I'm sorry, I can't release any information to non family members. You'll have to wait out there." She put the file back and motioned to the waiting area.

I turned back to her panic-stricken. "Please, I have to see him. I have to know he's all right!" I cried. "His father called me, he's a doctor here. Please let me see him."

"Miss, I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to release any information on patients to non family members. And I'm sure Dr. Cullen would have informed me if I could, and I have received no such permission."

"Please…" I begged, tears starting to accumulate. "Please, I have to know…if he's…if…"

"Miss, I'm sorry, but I just can't give you any information. If you wait out there we can call you when you'll be able to see him."

"It's all right, Charlotte." I heard behind me, and turned to see Edward's father coming down a hallway. "She's fine, I'll take her."

"Yes, Dr. Cullen."

Edward's father wrapped an arm around my shoulders and escorted me to a set of double doors. "I'm sorry about that, Bella. I never thought to call down here and inform the front desk that you would be coming in. I was just upstairs getting Edward's blood work."

"Is he ok?"

"Yes, thank god." Carlisle pushed the doors open walking me into the ER. There were nurses and doctors all over talking and rushing, some attending to patients and others monitoring screens. "He walked away from the accident, but not unscathed."

"What happened?"

We passed the main desk in the middle of the ER and Carlisle walked me over to a closed curtain. I could hear the TV on behind it but no other noises. "I'll let Edward describe it to you. I can tell you need to see him. Just be gentle."

I nodded and he slipped the curtain open. "Edward," he said softly.

As soon as my eyes fell on him my heart shattered into a million pieces. His forehead was bandaged over a large cut that was probably stitched underneath, he was shirtless and his chest bound tightly. His hands were scraped up but wrapped in gauze, and there was a bandage over his left eye.

"It's not as bad as it looks." Carlisle whispered to me as I stepped in. Edward hadn't woken up when his father called him. I walked over to the side of his bed reached down and took his hand carefully twining our fingers. "I'll leave you two alone for a minute, I need to get a room set up for him. He's staying here overnight for observation. I'll be right back."

I nodded in acknowledgement although I didn't really hear what he was saying. I sat down in the chair next to Edward's gurney and gave his hand a soft squeeze. His eyes fluttered for a moment before opening.

"Bella," He sighed my name in relief and leaned over as much as he could and kissed me.

"I was so scared when you're father called me. I immediately thought back to last month when you told me about the conversation you had with him. The worst thoughts went through my head."

Edward chuckled to himself. "I have to admit the same thoughts have been going through my head as well. It's ironic isn't it?"

"Edward, this isn't funny. You're lucky to be alive!" I hissed at him.

"Bella, it's not that serious, the accident wasn't that serious. It's just a bunch of scratches and bruises."

"And two cracked ribs." Carlisle added as he stepped back in. "You're going to be taking it very easy for a couple weeks. So no baseball."

"No! We have a huge game next week." Edward complained, his expression mortified.

"No." Carlisle stated firmly as he scribbled a few things down on his son's chart. He looked up when he was done, staring Edward in the eye. "You know how this works, Edward. You need to be gentle with yourself until you've healed."

I leaned over wrapping my arms around him as best I could without hurting him and laid my head on the non-bandaged part of his chest. "I'm so glad you're ok." I whispered. "I don't know what I would do without you…I love you."

The following afternoon Edward was allowed to go home, on the strict condition from his father that he rest for the next few weeks. I made myself more than available to help. For the first couple days while Edward could hardly move, I brought his homework back for him and kept him updated on how practices were going. Over the following weeks I was there at night to cook, although Edward helped where he could.

Edward was more than grateful to get back to baseball almost a month after his accident. By then we were halfway into April. He still had to take it easy, so no games, but he was able to practice his tossing, but nothing too hard on his body.

Despite that I was more than happy to be there for Edward in every capacity that he needed me, all the time I was spending with him was time away from healing my relationship with my father. I wanted so much for things to be better between us. The first time Edward and I had dinner at my house after his accident, Charlie came home just as we were cleaning up and headed straight into his room without uttering a word of greeting to us. It was like we didn't even exist to him.

"This is what I'm talking about." I said to Edward as I handed him another plate to dry.

He stacked the last dish in the cabinet and shut it. "I understand your frustration, but maybe you need to be the one to start the conversation."

I knew he would say that. I scrubbed my face with my hands and wished hard for a cigarette. "Lets go upstairs." I grabbed his hand and pulled him behind me up to my bedroom.

"Do you really think we should do this with your father downstairs?" he asked as I shut the door behind us.

"I'm going to prove to you how much he doesn't care." I started pulling my clothes off and throwing them to the floor.

Edward seemed a bit uncomfortable, but he began disrobing. "Bella, he does care." Edward pulled his jeans off and tossed them to the floor. He sat on the bed and held his arms open to me. I climbed into his lap, adjusting him then sank down joining our bodies.

We rocked together, whispering and sharing secret fears as we pushed each other closer to oblivion. I sighed heavy and long, leaning my head into his shoulder when I came. Edward dragged his hand up and down my back in long strokes, his lips pressing kisses to my temple as his body shuddered in release beneath me

Afterward we lay together in my bed facing each other. I had my arms folded under my head for support. Edward was still running his hand up and down my side. The gesture was comforting and calming. A constant reminder of his presence.

"You really think so?" I asked, indicating his earlier statement about Charlie.

"Yes, I really think so, Bells." He stroked some of my hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear. "I know it doesn't seem that way right now, and it seems pretty hopeless, but he does care, Bella. I felt the same way about my dad and things are working out well now."

"Yeah, but it took a really sad, dramatic event for him to finally realize what he was missing out on. I don't want it to take something like for Charlie to realize what he's giving up."

"You need to have a little more faith in him, Bella. He'll come around."

"Before or after I go away to college, Edward?"

"You know I can't answer that."

I sighed in response and inched a little closer to his warmth. Edward turned off the light on my nightstand then wrapped an arm around me. We fell asleep listening to the sound of each other's breathing, and I wondered how I had gotten along for so long without him in my life.

By the end of the month Edward was as good as new and back in the game, literally. Despite his prolonged absence, the team had done well and were secured for the state playoffs. I went to the first game wearing one of Edward's old baseball t-shirt with his name on the back.

Yes, I noticed the glares from every girl in my grade as I walked past them on the bleachers. Edward waved to me from the field and I wiggled my fingers back in response. I took my seat next to Carlisle and he offered me a soda from the small cooler he had packed with lunch for the three of us.

I was surprised when he mentioned coming to the game today. It was Saturday and that usually meant going in to the hospital for paperwork, but I was excited for him to be here and watch his son play.

"How many games have you come to so far this season?" He asked halfway through the second inning. Forks was up 2-0 against Port Angeles.

"About six I think. I haven't made it to most of the away games, although Edward always offers to drive me. I usually stay home and work on things there."

"How's Charlie?"

"Ok," I shrugged, trying to find a way to avoid this conversation. I knew there wasn't. "We haven't spoken much lately." Actually not at all in the last five months. To say its been rough is an understatement, but like Edward told me a couple weeks ago, I need to try and have more faith in him.

"Is he still taking those sleeping pills?" Carlisle asked.

I had noticed the little orange bottle on Charlie's nightstand. The first time they were filled I counted them, and then continued to count them at the end of every week. But its been the same for the last twelve weeks.

"No, he stopped taking them about three months ago, but he has them just in case."

"They're probably expired then. He filled them about six months ago?"

"Some time last year." I shrugged again.

"Why don't you bring the bottle by the hospital next week and I'll check the scrip on it? I can cancel it if he doesn't need it anymore."

I nodded, planning on doing just that. "So, are you and Edward going to the prom next month?"

I smiled to myself, thinking how awkward this new conversation could be. I appreciated that Edward's dad was taking an interest, but I still hardly knew him. Or at least felt like I did.

"Yes, he bought the bids last month. I think it's in Port Angeles this year. Which will probably be awkward if we beat them in this round of the playoffs."

"Which we probably will. Port Angeles has never really been known for their prowess in baseball. Football, yes, baseball no."

"And you know this from your own high school years?" I asked, wondering if I was crossing some invisible line about implying the age of your superiors.

Carlisle simply laughed. "They weren't much better back then either."

We eased into a discussion of the pros and cons of the colleges Edward and I had both applied and been accepted to. I went over what I planned to study and hoped to do with a degree in history. I mentioned that I might double major, but I had no idea if I was going to go straight into graduate school or try and get a job.

I knew Edward wanted to teach, whether it was literature or science, history or math. He wasn't sure yet. But at least he had finally made up his mind what he wanted to major in.

We won the game 9-1, Edward scoring six runs himself. I stood up and cheered each time. At the end of the game he jogged over to the bleachers and plopped down, planting a kiss on the top of my head. He took the sandwich I offered him and gobbled it down. Apparently he had worked up an appetite.

"Hungry?"

"Just a bit," Edward answered through a mouthful of turkey and pepperoni and cheese.

After lunch we stopped to grab some food for dinner and dropped by my house so I could get the mail. Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway, so I left the bills in a neat pile with the paper on the kitchen table where he would see them and made sure his dinner was in the front of the fridge.

His bedroom door was cracked and I could hear some movement behind it. I wanted to walk over and knock, but my feet remained rooted where they were on the linoleum, my eyes gazing at the door waiting for it to open just a little bit more and for Charlie to see me standing there.

But no matter how hard I wished the door didn't open any farther than it already was. With a breath, I turned to go, but not before scribbling down a quick note to let him know I was staying at Edward's tonight and I would be back in the morning.

I passed the calendar where it hung by the door, the pen attached to a string. Charlie had written his shifts for the rest of the month in already. I flipped the pages to June and grabbed the pen. On June 18th, the day after Father's Day, I wrote in GRADUATION 2 PM, and circled it in red. I hoped Charlie noticed it. Whether or not he showed up, well, that was up to him.

It wouldn't stop me tacking his ticket to the calendar.


	17. Innocence

**Chapter 17, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

"Ow, Bella, be careful or you're going to draw blood." I hissed as she attempted to attach my boutonnière to the lapel of my black jacket.

"Stop squirming and maybe I can get it on straight." She laughed back.

"You and sharp objects make me very nervous."

Jasper and Emmett shook with laughter in the hallway of Emmett's house. We had decided to meet here for pictures. My dad and Emmett's parents were snapping away as Bella finally managed to get the pin straight and now my white rose was standing upright.

"Perfect,"

"Just like you," I whispered before sneaking a kiss. I heard a camera click and knew it was my dad.

Emmett and Rosalie headed outside to take a few more pictures before we started doing group shots. Jasper had managed to find a date with Angela Webber for tonight. She had originally been going with her boyfriend, but Ben Cheney, who was on the baseball team with all of us, had come down with stomach flu yesterday and couldn't make it tonight.

While Angela was upset, she wasn't going to waste the night. So Ben had gallantly allowed Jasper to escort her. The guy cleaned up nice. He had gone out last minute and rented a good tux for tonight. He looked sharp, and the fedora he added gave him that slight air of 'badass'. Emmett had wanted to do the same thing, but he couldn't pull it off the same way Jasper could.

And Rosalie wasn't going to show up with a 'gangster' as her date. Of course Rose had chosen a backless, bright red gown to wear tonight with killer heels to match it, and her blonde hair was piled on top of her head in an elegant knot. Angela had on a lilac gown that accentuated how tall she was and was ecstatic she could wear her heels, seeing as Jasper was a good five inches taller than Ben.

But the beauty of the night was Bella. When she first came downstairs in the navy blue gown she had chosen I felt my jaw literally drop. She was drop dead gorgeous. Angela had done some magic with her hair where it was half up and half down. She had on minimal makeup and jewelry, just earrings and the ring I had given her for Christmas, and 3-inch black suede heels that didn't look too painful.

We gathered outside underneath the birch tree for group pictures, Emmett's parents and my father still snapping away like crazy. Jasper's parents showed up at the end, having been at some function at the high school tonight, which was why the prom was being held in Port Angeles. Trust me, we were all happy about school politics right now.

A few cars drove past honking. Emmett flipped them off and was promptly scolded by his mother. By the time we all piled into Emmett's Jeep to drive up to Port Angeles I had had enough pictures for one night. But there were still the formal photos to be taken once we got to the ballroom.

Bella let me hold her hand the entire ride, running my thumb along the back of it. I knew she was upset. She had finally spoken to Charlie last week. Although brief, the conversation had been two-way. She had told him prom was coming up tonight and we would be taking pictures at Emmett's house.

She had circled the date on the calendar in her kitchen and wrote down the address and time. I noticed when I peeked ahead at June she had circled the date of graduation and written the time in as well. Charlie's ticket for the event was pinned to the cork surrounding the calendar. I couldn't believe graduation was only three weeks away now.

Holy shit.

"I really hoped he would turn up." Bella whispered, leaning her head into my shoulder.

"I'm sorry he didn't. You can always show him the pictures later."

"I know, but it would have really made my night for him to stop by."

"I know, I know." I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pressed her head into the crook of my neck. I tried not to ruin her hair, but I wanted to stroke it since I knew how much the gesture comforted her.

We were a little early arriving in Port Angeles, and the hotel where prom was being held wasn't letting students in yet. We had about twenty minutes to kill and the girls were more than happy to walk around and strut in their gowns. Angela whipped out her camera and began taking pictures of all of us in whacky poses as we walked along the boardwalk. We weren't the only Forks High students meandering around, and we took some more pictures with other couples from our class as we came upon them.

Bella's mood was significantly lighter by the time we checked in at the hotel and turned over our bids. Nibbles and snacks were being served while the photographer set up in a side room for formal shots. I filled out the sheet for me and Bella while we waited and we went over which package we wanted.

"I want enough wallet photos so I can give some to my dad, and you and I each have one. Oh, and my mom." Bella uttered at the end.

I looked up in shock. Her mom? Really? After all these years? "Do you know where she is?"

"Yeah, she's been in Phoenix since she left. She sent my dad a letter almost a year after she took off. I kept it and looked her up last week. She's still at the same address. I know what you're thinking," Bella started. She looked up from the order sheet at me, her eyes shining a little, "Yes, I hate her for what she did, but she's still my mother, and she deserves a picture. I'm going to wait though and send her pictures from graduation as well."

"I think that's very strong for you. But what if she sends them back?"

Bella shrugged, "Then she sends them back. We'll have extras."

I gave her a sideways smile as I finished writing in my address and my dad's credit card information. He had been generous in offering it tonight and told us to get whatever we wanted. I knew he was going to want a ton of pictures for himself. I was actually shocked by his turn around. He was really putting in all the effort to be apart of not just my life, but Bella's as well.

It had been a little rocky to start, and he wanted to spend as much time together as possible to make up for the years where he had been absent. Bella had felt pushed out and finally I had to sit my dad down and talk to him straight about my intentions for my life. Bella was in it and she was always going to be. I wanted to marry her someday. Carlisle wasn't as shocked to hear to that as I thought he would be. He just nodded and smiled at me, and promised to include Bella more often.

He started by sitting with her at my baseball games and keeping up conversation. It was all easy sailing from there and we now had a well-established relationship between the three of us.

"You look so beautiful," I whispered to Bella, nuzzling her ear.

She giggled and pushed me away playfully. "Stop it, you're messing up my hair."

I leaned over and pressed my lips against hers, parting suddenly when a flash blinded me, even with my eyes closed. Angela stood in front of us laughing quietly, but I was glad she had taken the picture, I was going to want a copy for my private collection.

When it was finally our turn for photos we stood in two or three different poses together, and then all six of us had one group shot. I couldn't wait to see them when the photos actually came in. I would be checking the mail for the next few weeks like a mad man.

"Thank God, I'm starving." Bella groaned as I handed her some of the nibbles that were out still during "cocktail hour" even though there wasn't any alcohol. Unfortunately. I knew Emmett had a flask in his inside pocket, and he was discreetly sharing it, but still…

"For Forks budget these aren't bad." Bella commented through a mouthful of phyllo dough and mushroom.

I popped a pig-in-a-blanket in my mouth and swallowed greedily, quickly grabbing another since they were my favorite. "Yeah, for cheap food it's not bad at all."

"Didn't your father ever teach you to chew before speaking?"

"Didn't he teach you?" I teased back, instantly regretting it. Bella's face fell for a moment, but only for a moment. "Shit, I'm sorry, baby." I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her to me, kissing the top of her head. "Let's go find Emmett." She nodded in agreement and we went off in search of the man with the flask.

Dinner was decent but it didn't rock my world. We had had the option of steak in a garlic butter sauce, chicken in an herb sauce, or the vegan alternative. I got steak, Bella got chicken. Dessert was another buffet of selections of nibbles, and there was an open ice cream bar. I made us a sundae to share, which we finished before going back into the ballroom. Halfway into the night Bella's mood lifted. She and I were on the dance floor with our friends having a great time.

"Having fun yet?" I asked somewhat seriously as I pulled her into my arms for another slow dance.

Bella nodded her head against my chest and yawned. I knew she was getting tired. Too much food and too much dancing, not to mention the few sips of whiskey she had had throughout the night. She was tiny and her body could only take so much before it was time to recharge her batteries.

"Do you want to go to the after party?" I asked, the music changing from one slow song into the next.

"Not particularly. I don't think I can stay up all night in Port Angeles."

"Yeah, me either." I dropped another kiss to the top of her head. "But I heard there's going to be a hypnotist there."

"I want to see Emmett under hypnosis." Bella chuckled. She glanced behind her to where Emmett and Rosalie were dancing not far from us. He waved and Bella waved back.

"Now that would be a sight, and definitely something I would put away in my blackmail file."

Bella laughed to herself and reached up to loop her arms around my neck. "I had a really good time tonight, Edward. I'm glad we decided to go after all."

"Yeah, me, too."

We stuck around for another hour to see the crowning of the king and queen. Jessica and Mike, gee what a shocker. We left with the first round, others staying behind for more pictures and to gush over the prom court. Emmett dropped Bella and I off at my house then the four of them headed back to Emmett's to get changed for the after party.

I helped Bella get out of her shoes in the main hallway then we headed upstairs. I knew from the moment Bella yawned the first time that sex wasn't happening tonight, and I wasn't disappointed. She really hadn't been sleeping well lately and I wanted her to rest. I changed out of my suit first and put on a pair of sleep pants. I then helped Bella out of her dress and she went to wash her face and brush her teeth in the bathroom while I folded everything up.

She snuggled up close to me under the blanket, laying her head on my chest with a content sigh. "Sweet dreams," I whispered, running my fingers through her hair.

"Sweet dreams, Edward." She whispered in response. Moments later she was out.

The weeks following prom were understandably hectic. We were down to two and a half weeks before graduation. Bella had yet to finish her speech and get it approved, we both had a ton of finals coming up for our AP classes, which meant hours upon hours of studying and preparation. Most nights my dad would come home to find us quizzing each other in the kitchen, our dinners untouched and cold.

To make matters even more stressful for Bella, she hadn't spoken to her father since the week before prom. She had been leaving him notes every morning when we stopped at her house so she could see if he was there, which he never was. But he was there in the evenings when we stopped by so Bella could grab some clothes for the next day.

I waited out in the hallway one night by the kitchen listening as she scrambled around upstairs. I assumed she was picking up or something. I heard the familiar crunch of gravel outside as tires rolled into the driveway. Bella came scurrying downstairs, a pile of laundry in her arms.

"Was that my dad I heard?" She asked, rounding the corner to the laundry room.

"I think so."

A minute later the door opened and Chief Swan walked in, stopping to hang his gun by the door. He took one look at me standing in the hallway of his house and looked around for a minute.

"Evening, sir." I greeted him. I knew he knew who I was at this point, but I still hadn't formerly introduced myself. "I'm Bella's boyfriend."

"I know, where is she?"

"In the laundry room."

Charlie 'hmphed' and continued on his way to his room, leaving the door cracked.

I felt my eyebrows rise, but I let it go. Bella came out of the laundry room a minute later with a bag filled with her clothes. "That's what I'm talking about." She said to me, "That's about as much as I get out of him now. If anything at all. Lets go."

I picked up her backpack and held the door as we left. "Oh wait," Bella ducked back inside and went to the kitchen. I heard the fridge open, then the microwave. She walked back out a minute later. "I just wanted to leave his dinner for him and a note." She blushed as she walked past me, as if embarrassed. But she cared and it showed. It made the situation so much harder for them both.

Bella wasn't herself for the rest of the night and hardly slept that evening. She tossed and turned, muttering and moaning in her sleep. I tried to keep her still, but to no avail. She woke up the next morning exhausted, warranting a stop for coffee on the way to school.

At the end of the day I dropped her off at her house since it was Friday. She would be spending the weekend here, I had an away game tomorrow morning, the last game of the state playoffs. If we won this one we were going to the finals.

"Are you sure you don't want to go?" I asked one last time as Bella was getting out of my car.

"I'm positive. I have to clean, and I have to finish my speech. You'll be fine."

"I'd be better of I knew you were in the stands cheering me on."

Bella leaned over and pressed a deep kiss to my lips. "Don't worry,"

"I'll try. I'll see you tomorrow night." I gave her one last kiss and tapped her ass as she got out. Bella squealed and turned back to me with a disapproving scowl on her face.

"Love you,"

"Love you, too, Edward." She grinned and headed inside, waving for a moment before closing the door.

It was going to be a long twenty-four hours before I saw her again.

The following afternoon I got back into the Forks around four, having gone out to celebrate winning the game as soon as it was over. I was tired and sweaty and I knew I stunk to high heaven. I stopped home to shower and change before picking Bella up. I called her as I was walking out the door but she didn't answer. Maybe she was in the shower. Her truck was in the driveway when I arrived, so she wasn't out. I tried calling her again, still no answer. A moment I got a text from Bella telling me she wasn't feeling well and she would see me on Monday.

I called one more time. This time she picked up. She didn't sound good at all.

"What's wrong?" I asked, already walking up to her front door.

"Nothing, well, not nothing. I got a bad stomach bug. I'll be fine by Monday, but seriously don't come in here. I don't want to get you sick." She coughed a couple times, her voice hoarse. "Please, I see you outside. I'm sitting on my bed. I'll text you, but I really don't want you to come in here, ok."

"Bella, come on, let me take care of you."

"I'll be fine, Edward. Really."

"If you're sure," I relented, turning back to my car.

"I'm positive. I love you,"

"Love you, too, Bella. Feel better," I snapped the phone shut and stuffed it in my pocket. With a last glance at her window, I headed to my car and drove home.

I texted her as soon as I got back. I talked nonstop about the game. Her replies came back slowly, one or two for every five of mine. I realized I wasn't giving her enough time to respond to each one and I was probably keeping her up. But I was just so excited that the baseball team was going to state again. Bella said she was proud of me and wished she could have been there.

By dinner her texts were few and far between so I told her to get some rest and I would see how she was in the morning. I didn't sleep well that night, too worried about Bella. I knew she was fine on her own, but this was the second night in a row I had slept without her in God knew how long and it felt…wrong not having her beside me. I wondered if she was having just as much difficulty sleeping without me.

When Monday morning came around I texted her and asked if she needed a ride. I got no response. I headed over to her house only to find her truck gone. I guessed she had already left, which was odd, we always drove to school together. But Bella wasn't at school all day. I didn't see her in the hallway before first period, she wasn't in chemistry class, and she never showed up for lunch.

If she was still home sick, then why had her truck been gone this morning? As soon as the day was over I drove back to her house. Her truck still wasn't in the driveway. Now I was worried. I tried calling her but it went straight to voicemail. Her phone was either off or dead. I sent her a couple texts hoping she would respond to them by tonight. If she didn't I was coming back over here to check.

I needed to get my mind out of the worst case scenario fix it seemed to be in and took a drive down to La Push. I didn't go far, just to the beach, and stood watching the waves roll in. My mind never strayed from Bella. I kept wondering where she could have been. Maybe grocery shopping. Maybe it was that simple. I had just missed her.

"Yeah, I missed her, that's' all." I told myself on the drive back. I went home first to check in with my dad, but he wasn't back from his shift at the hospital so I headed back over to Bella's. Her truck was in the driveway and the front door was open. I could see plastic bags sitting in the bed of her truck. I knew it had been nothing to really worry about.

"Hey," I called as I got out of my car. Bella was just walking back out the front door to get more bags.

"Where did you come from?"

"I've been trying to get a hold of you. You weren't in school today. Still not feeling good?" I asked as I wrapped one arm around her waist and kissed the top of her head.

"Not really," Bella whispered in response.

"Want some help?"

"Yeah,"

We unloaded the rest of the groceries and put them away inside. Bella had done a lot of shopping. It looked like she was stocking up for the end of the world, but then I remembered that she was hardly ever home anymore and she probably wanted to make sure Charlie had enough to take of himself.

We cooked dinner in silence and ate in silence. Something was on Bella's mind. I could tell from the way she took tentative bites of everything and played with her food more than she ate it.

"Hey," I reached across the table laying my hand on hers. "Want to tell me what's on your mind?"

"Nothing," She muttered, pushing her peas around her plate.

"Is it your dad?"

Bella nodded wordlessly, looking down at her plate. She leaned her head into her hand glancing up at me. "I haven't seen him since yesterday, I think he might be sleeping at the station again."

"Do you want to pack up some dinner and take it to him?" I asked. I really didn't know how to respond to her statement other than that offer. It seemed so…awkward.

"No, I'm sure he'll be fine, Edward." Bella got up gathering her plate, moving across the kitchen to throw the meal she didn't eat and placed her dish in the sink. "I think I'm going to stay up tonight and wait for him. You don't need to stay with me."

"I've slept without you all weekend, Bella. Come back to my house tonight. I miss you."

"I miss you, too, Edward. But I want to stay here and make sure he gets home all right. I'm fine, really."

I knew no matter what I offered or argued Bella wasn't going to come with me, and she obviously wanted to be left alone tonight. So I decided to give her the space she needed. After helping her clean up from dinner I kissed her good night and headed home. I texted her as soon as I got there, wishing her another good night and I told her that I loved her.

I didn't get a response back.


	18. Swimming Home

**Chapter 18, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

I dropped my backpack by the door as I walked in, calling out a greeting to my father, whom I knew was home since his car had been in the driveway. I heard him call back from the kitchen and headed in that direction. I stopped to check the answering machine, my heart sinking a little when I saw that the light wasn't flashing.

"Has Bella called at all today?" I asked as I walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and started to chug it down.

"No she hasn't, Edward. I'm sorry." Carlisle laid the paper he had been reading down on the table. "Were you expecting her to?"

"No, I was just hoping she would. We haven't exactly spoken in the past week. I mean, I saw her at school today…She didn't look good."

"Well, if you don't mind me being a nosy parent, may I ask what happened to halt interaction between the two of you?"

"It's complicated," I muttered, and finished off the bottle of water.

"So I assume that means you won't be telling me. I was your age once, too, Edward. I can recall how it feels to be in the situation you're in."

"I know…I just…I'm still trying to sort it out in my head. I don't know exactly what went wrong. One minute we're fine and the next…it's like she turned into a completely different Bella." I sat down in one of the chairs at the table, my head falling into my hands. "I don't understand. It's almost as if she's a shell of her formal self."

"She was at the hospital today." Carlisle said suddenly. My head snapped up and I glared at him.

"Why didn't you say before? What happened? Is she all right?" I blurted out in a hurry. I couldn't imagine what I would do if something had happened to her and I wasn't there with her.

"She's fine, Edward. She was picking up a prescription in the pharmacy. I saw her just as she was leaving. I tried to say hello to her, but she left so quickly I never got the chance."

Now I was confused. Bella had never been medicated in the past months for anything, except for birth control, but I knew she was still a month away from having to have that filled. "What prescription? Bella's not on any medications." I felt my brow draw together as the words left my mouth.

"It wasn't for her, it was for Charlie. She was refilling her father's sleeping pills."

"Sleeping pills?" I asked warily. "How long has her dad been on sleeping pills?"

"I actually prescribed them to him a little over two years ago. Bella hasn't had to come in and refill them for some time, so I assumed her father was starting to take them again."

I was now sitting stiffly in my chair, my mind spinning at a million miles a second. I could think of only one reason why Bella was filling the prescription now. "How long ago was she there, Dad?"

My voice was tense and my father noticed it. He looked at me curiously, but Carlisle glanced at his watch. "About two hours ago, why? Edward what's wrong?"

I jumped up from my chair and bolted from the kitchen heading for the front door. Carlisle was calling after me, still asking me what was wrong. "Think about it." I yelled back to him.

I jumped in my car and sped down the driveway and out onto the main road back toward Forks. The entire time I prayed that Bella would be in the living room reading, or upstairs in her room doing homework when I got to her house. I hoped all she had done was refill her father's prescription because he needed it again.

"Bella!" I called, bursting through the front door. I didn't see her in the living room, and I didn't hear any noise upstairs. I bolted up to the bathroom cursing in frustration when I gripped the doorknob to find it locked. "Bella, are you in there?" I called through the door, but got no answer.

I knew I was going to pay for it later, but I didn't care and shoved my shoulder into the door breaking the lock. The door flew open, and my eyes immediately landed on Bella in the tub. There was about a foot and a half of water in the tub, Bella's body lying just below the surface of it.

Without thinking I grabbed a towel from the rack and scooped Bella out of the tub laying her gently on the floor. She wasn't breathing as far as I could tell, and that could only mean one thing. I was never as thankful as I was then that my father had forced me to take the CPR course at the hospital last year.

I counted out loud as I pushed below her ribcage, stopping every few seconds to breathe for her. "Bella, please…" I begged, my eyes already tearing. "Bella, you wouldn't do this. I know you. _Bella, please_!"

I wasn't getting a response out of her. I felt a few tears slip free and saw them fall. I kept working her chest, praying I wasn't too late. Suddenly her eyes fluttered lightly and she started bringing up a small amount of water. I turned her onto her side gently, letting the water drain from her. I was going to have to take her to the hospital to be checked out.

But nothing could describe the relief I felt the moment I felt her body come back to life underneath my hands. She coughed a couple times, a little more water forcing its way out.

Once her body finished its spasms I cradled her against my chest holding her head there. "Bella," I breathed her name over and over as I kissed her wet hair and forehead. "Thank you,"

"What are you…what are you doing here?" she asked, her voice rough. "How did you get in?"

"That's not important. You're ok, that's all that matters. But I need to get you to the hospital, or at least home to my dad so someone can check you over."

"What…what happened?" She stuttered, her body now quivering with cold.

I looked down at her in surprise. "You don't…" I shook my head. "Never mind, lets get you into some warm clothes and to a doctor, ok?"

Bella nodded and I stood with her cradled in my arms. I helped her dry off and get dressed, then I called my father to come pick us up. By now her quivering had almost stopped, but she was still coughing, which worried me. I hoped she still didn't have any water in her lungs.

"I can walk just fine, Edward." She whispered, her voice still a little rough.

"I know you can, but I need to hold you right now." I told her as I carried her out to Carlisle's car.

"Is she all right?" he asked as I settled Bella into the back seat, still holding her against my chest.

"For the most part." I answered quietly. Bella was silent for most of the drive back to my house, her hand clutching at my jacket as if to anchor herself to my body. Like she was afraid to let go. "Can I ask you something?" I questioned as I stroked her arm.

"Yes,"

"Please tell me you didn't do this on purpose."

Bella gazed up at me with surprise and confusion in the same expression. "Do what?"

I felt my brow draw together. "You weren't…you didn't…You weren't trying to kill yourself?" I whispered low enough that my father wouldn't hear.

Bella shook her head slowly. "No, Edward. I would never do that." She whispered back. "I…I suppose I did make a bad decision. I…I haven't been myself lately. I've been…stressed. I wanted to relax so I took one of my father's pills and I assumed it wouldn't have that much affect on me being such a low dose. I was just going to hop in the tub, wash up and hop out to take a nap."

She looked up at me again, her eyes shifting from where she had been staring at some point on the door. "I wasn't trying to kill myself, Edward. I must have passed out, because the last thing I remember before seeing you over me was leaning back in the tub and shutting my eyes."

"That was a very bad decision, Bella. A stupid one. I don't understand why you think…I guess maybe I do a little. But you have more sense than to make a dumb mistake like that, Bella."

Bella blinked a couple times and I saw some tears slip down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Edward." She choked out in a hoarse voice. "I haven't been able to think clearly lately at all."

I brushed the tears away and leaned down to kiss her softly. "Shh…it's all right, Bella. Please don't cry. We'll talk about this later." I rocked her gently in my arms continuing to whisper to her as we neared the house.

Carlisle checked her out when we returned and thankfully there was no water in her lungs, but I had fractured two ribs in the process of saving her. My father left the room after explaining how to tape Bella up, leaving me to do it myself. I appreciated the gesture, not because it meant she would have to be shirtless in front of him, but because we needed a few minutes with each other.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you." I murmured as I started wrapping the bandaging around her bare torso. Bella flinched slightly in the chair she was sitting in, her raised arms twitching with the effort not to move.

"It's fine, Edward."

I looked up at her after a minute. Her face was contorted in pain and she was trying desperately not to move or even whimper. She was going to chew her bottom lip right off by the time I was done. I was careful as I wrapped the bandage around her broken ribs. I tried to be as gentle as possible, but as I passed over the area Bella finally let out a quiet shriek.

The sound twisted my heart, but there was nothing I could do to stop the pain right now. When I finished I felt around the bandage making sure it was tight enough but not constricting. I would have Carlisle check it as well to make sure I did it right.

Bella pulled her sweatshirt back on afterwards, scooping up her now useless bra and stuffed it in the pocket. I helped her out of the chair staying a step behind her just in case she needed a little support going up the stairs. We passed by my father's study on the way to my room. I told Bella I would be in, in a moment to join her.

"How is she?" Carlisle asked once I had shut the door.

"Quiet, and in a bit more pain than I anticipated."

My father opened a drawer in his desk and took out a couple small pill packages. "Give her these, they should numb the pain for the evening. She'll probably need more in the morning. Is the bandage tight?"

I nodded without answering, accepting the painkillers from him. "Can you order some dinner. I want her to eat."

"Is there anything particular you would like?"

"No, just get whatever you think of first. I'm going to go talk to her."

Carlisle nodded and reached for his cell phone. As I was leaving I heard him placing an order for Chinese food. I shut the door behind me and headed down the hall to my room. I almost expected not to find Bella in there, but she was sitting cross-legged in the middle of my bed, playing with her hands in her lap.

"Hey, my dad is getting Chinese for dinner. I hope that's ok." I said from the doorway.

"It's fine, Edward."

That was the second time she had said that to me this evening. In the same, quiet, fragile voice. I watched as Bella tried to breathe normally, but her face twisted in pain and her hand came up to hold her chest.

"Here, my dad gave me these for you." I offered her the painkillers and she took them, quickly popping the tiny pills free from their foil wrapping. I grabbed a glass of water for her from my bathroom and she threw back both pills in a large gulp.

"Thanks," she whispered, handing me back the empty glass.

"Can we talk now?" I asked gently. I reached for her hand and held it between mine.

Bella let out a long breath, her body shaking with the effort not to show pain. "I wasn't entirely honest with you earlier in the car. It was true when I said I haven't been myself lately."

"I've noticed," I had a slight edge in my voice, and Bella noticed. She looked up at me with guilt in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she whispered. "I never meant to shut you out. I've just…been trapped in my head for so long. I lied when I said I've been stressed. I didn't want to say anything in front of your father. I…I haven't been stressed, Edward."

"I knew that was a lie when I heard it, and I figured that was your reason behind it, Bella. But I just don't understand why. Why would you want to do something so stupid? What happened?"

"What do you think happened?" Bella spat out. I was slightly taken aback by her abrupt change in attitude. But I thought about it for a moment, and only thing came to mind to could have caused such a depression for her.

"Your father," I muttered simply, no emotion in my voice. Bella nodded and wiped a few stray tears from her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Last Saturday I went downstairs to turn the coffee on like I do every Saturday before I start my house cleaning. But as I was walking down the stairs I could already smell it. Charlie had gotten up before me and turned it on. I thought it was such a good sign, he never takes the time to sit at the table and drink coffee anymore. I thought I could sit with him and talk maybe.

"But as I was walking into the kitchen he got out of his chair and walked out, passing right by me and acting like I didn't even exist…He was sitting there listening for me, so he would know when to leave…" Bella's voice broke a little and a few sobs choked out of her.

I wrapped her up in my arms, pulling her into my lap. I brushed away the tears as they fell, rubbing her arm and trying to comfort her. "He doesn't even want to be around me anymore…the last time I saw him was Sunday night when he left to work an overnight shift." Bella looked up at me, her eyes shining with fresh tears and utter pain.

"He hasn't been home all week, Edward. My own father…" She whispered, her voice shaking and strained, "He doesn't love me. He _hates_ me."

"Bella, he doesn't hate you. He couldn't."

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know, Bella, but your father doesn't hate you."

"Yes he does…" Bella folded herself closer to me, her breath coming in quick, forced pants as she desperately tried not to cry. "Edward," she whispered a minute later, clutching at my shirt and lifting her eyes to mine, "please forgive me for what I'm about to say to you…but I wanted my father to find me in that tub. Not you."

I felt like someone had just kicked me in the stomach as all of the air whooshed out of my lungs. I stared down at Bella in disbelief. Both pain and anger were coursing through me now. How could she think to do that? To take herself away from me like that? What if I had been too late? What if Bella had succeeded?

I couldn't think about that. I shocked myself as my arms tightened around her, pulling her as close to me as I could. She was here, she was safe. That was all that mattered.

"Why, Bella?" I choked out, tears of my own threatening to fall. I swallowed them back. "How could you be so selfish?"

"I wanted him to know how it feels." Her fingers curled into my collar tighter, like she was afraid I would push her away, abandon her.

Never. I would never do that to her. No matter how angry I was at her right now. I could never leave her to suffer.

"I wanted him to know the emptiness I feel…to know that the only family he has left is gone." She lifted her eyes to mine again. They echoed the same pain I was feeling. The same hollow ache that clutched at my heart and twisted it, ripped at it until it broke in two. "I wasn't trying to take myself away from you, Edward."

"But you would have done just that, Bella. You would have been taking yourself away from everyone who loves you."

"That's only you, Edward."

"I'm not the only one who loves you, Bella."

"Yes you are." She curled herself tighter into me. I could only imagine the pain she was causing herself by doing so.

I knew the discussion was over for now. Bella wasn't going to say anymore, nor would she believe anything I had to say. She was so lost in her own head there would be no talking her out of it tonight. She needed time to process everything that happened today. But I wasn't going to let the entire night go by without telling her how I felt about the situation.

I was angry with her, infuriated that she hadn't thought about what this would have done to me had she died. She had been too busy trying to make her father feel guilty to consider my feelings. But I wasn't going to lash out at her. That was the last thing she needed, nor would I ever do something that hurtful to her. But I was going to be completely honest, brutally honest if I had to.

The thought sickened me, but the thought of losing her sickened me even more, motivating me to speak my mind. Just not right now.

Carlisle knocked on the door a few minutes later to tell us dinner was here and that we should come down before it got cold. I helped Bella get up, my heart clenching as she winced. I would have Carlisle check her bandage after dinner and maybe give her some more painkillers. I knew the way she had been curling into me just now had caused more damage to her already broken ribs, and now it was probably going to take longer for her body to heal.

Bella was silent throughout dinner, barely picking at her food. I watched her take small, tentative spoonfuls of her soup and nibble a couple crackers. She managed to eat one pot sticker when I offered it to her, but that was the extent of her protein for the evening.

My dad offered to clean up afterwards so Bella and I could relax. As we headed back upstairs to my bedroom she mentioned in a tiny voice that she wanted to take a shower and asked if I would take it with her.

"Of course, Bella." I slipped my arm around her waist, careful not to put too much pressure on her ribs. "I want my dad to check your ribs again, though, afterward. All right?" Bella nodded silently.

I made sure my bedroom door was locked behind us before I started helping Bella remove her clothes. I unwrapped the bandage from around her ribs, hating each wince that Bella made when I passed over her broken ribs. When I finally got everything off her I quickly shed my own clothes and headed into the bathroom to get the hot water running.

Bella followed me in, her arms wrapped lightly around her torso, hiding her breasts from me. "What's wrong?" I asked her, helping her to sit on the toilet.

"I feel so exposed now, Edward. I feel so…guilty. I'm so sorry, Edward." She covered her face with both hands, quiet sobs starting to rack her fragile body.

"Bella, please don't cry." I knelt down in front of her, slowly pulling her hands down. "Please don't cry, sweetheart."

"Why don't you hate me?" She asked out loud, her voice raising an octave. "Why aren't you angry?"

"I am angry, Bella." I admitted. This was not how I had planned to have this conversation with her, but if the door was being opened I wasn't going to pass the opportunity to walk through it. "I'm beyond angry, Bella. I can't even begin to understand how you could be so selfish and not consider what killing yourself would do to me…not just your father.

"I don't even understand why you started ignoring me. It hurt me, Bella. It hurt deeply. I thought I had done something wrong or upset you somehow. I couldn't think of a single situation in the days before this started with you where I had maybe said something to hurt you."

"Because you didn't." Bella cried, tears falling unchecked down her cheeks. "I was trying to distance myself from you."

"But why, Bella?" I reached up to tuck some hair behind her ear. "I just don't understand why you never came to me in the first place."

"And I don't understand why you don't hate me!" Bella shrieked.

"Calm down, Bella." I cupped her face in both of my hands. I thumbed away the tears that continued to fall, but it was a useless attempt. She wasn't going to stop crying any time soon. "I can't hate you, Bella. I can be mad at you, and believe me I am, but I could never, never hate you. I love you too much. You mean too much to me. I would hate to lose you. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that ever happened."

"I'm so sorry, Edward. You're right. I should've come to you. But I was just…I was just so confused. I was trying…I don't even know _what_ I was trying to do!" Bella ripped her hands from mine and covered her face again. "I don't deserve you at all." She cried loudly.

"Don't say that, Bella. Don't even think it."

"But I don't, Edward. I don't know why you're putting up with me like this."

"Because I love you, Bella. Because I love you more than I ought to have the right to. Because I can't live without you. And I know you feel the same way."

Bella nodded slowly, unable to meet my eyes. I reached out and tucked a finger under her chin raising her face so I was looking directly into her eyes. I knew this conversation had to happen tonight, but this isn't exactly how I wanted to go about it.

"I don't want you to feel guilty, I don't want you to feel undeserving. I want you, however, to know that I understand. Despite my own personal feelings at the moment I understand why you chose the path that you did."

Bella hiccupped a couple times as a few more tears ran down her face. "I may not agree with your rationalization, and I may hate what you tried to do, but I understand." I did my best to keep my voice gentle, I didn't want to frighten her or give her the wrong idea about where I was going with this.

"I really don't deserve you, Edward." Bella choked out, her body still trembling with the stress she had caused herself.

"Stop, I don't want to hear that from you any more tonight."

"I'm sorry,"

"That as well. Enough apologies for now. I just want you to relax and focus on healing. Even if it is my fault you're hurt in the first place."

"I wouldn't change that for anything, Edward. And I promise this is the last time I'll say this tonight. I'm so sorry. I love you." Bella leaned forward crushing her lips to mine, her hands wrapping around my neck and diving into my hair.

I grasped her shoulders gently, trying not to hurt her as I kissed her back. "I love you, too, Bella." I whispered when we finally parted. "I'll never stop loving you. Please believe me when I say that."

Bella nodded and leaned in kissing me once more. This time she brushed her lips gently across mine. She was still apologizing, this time through her kiss. I could feel her hesitancy in the pressure of her mouth against mine. In the way her fingers grasped and released my hair, like she wasn't sure what to do anymore.

I reached behind my head uncurling her tiny fingers from my hair, holding her hands now in my own as I kissed her in return. When we finally parted again I helped Bella up and led her over to my glass-enclosed shower that was completely steamed over at this point.

"I think the water is warm enough now."

My remark had the desired effect and Bella smiled gently at me, accepting my hand as I helped her inside shutting the door firmly behind us. As I had been all night long I was as gentle as I could be with her. I did my best not to hurt her as I passed the washcloth over her ribs. Bella lifted one arm up, hooking it behind my neck to give me better access.

"Are you ok so far?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

I pressed a kiss to her neck, smiling when I felt her tremble beneath my lips. "How about now."

"Definitely fine, Edward." Bella answered breathless.

"Good," I continued to pepper her neck with soft kisses as I finished washing her. Her breath was coming quickly by the time I was done. She winced every other breath as her lungs expanded and contracted quickly against her sore ribs. "I'm all done."

"Good, now it's my turn."

In a move that surprised me, Bella turned in my arms and quickly backed me against the wet tile wall of my shower, pinning me there. She took the wash cloth and began running it slowly up and down my torso. I gasped loudly when her hand reached between my legs and washed me there.

What surprised me even more was how she leaned up and crushed her mouth against mine in a deep, passionate kiss. I couldn't help the fire that erupted in my body as she pressed against me, her tongue practically forcing its way down my throat.

"Bella, we shouldn't do this." I gasped, pushing her back gently. "Not right now."

"I know. I wasn't going to let it get that far." She looked down at her feet for a moment, clearly embarrassed by her forwardness. When she looked back up at me she was smiling her real smile. "But you know I can't resist you in a shower when you're dripping wet."

I smiled and laughed at her eagerness. She caught me off guard once more by reaching back between my legs. "You really shouldn't, Bella. I can't be held responsible for what I may do to you."

"I know what you'll do to me, and it'll be all my fault not yours. So of course I wouldn't hold you responsible."

"Maybe we should get out before we get carried away." I suggested, trying to force my now insistent erection to calm down.

"I think that's a good idea." Bella relented, dropping the washcloth on the floor.

I turned the shower off getting out first to grab a huge towel for Bella. I wrapped her up snug in it before grabbing one for myself and securing it around my waist. As I helped her dry off and get dressed I reminded Bella that I wanted my father to check her ribs again and then I would re-bandage them for her.

She got her sweatpants back on and I gave her a smaller towel to wrap around her breasts while I went to get my father after throwing on some sleep pants and a t-shirt. He checked Bella's ribs quickly, apologizing when she winced. After confirming that there was no additional damage he handed me some fresh bandages and I wrapped Bella back up.

"Try not to curl your body so much or twist a lot." I told her as I pulled an old baseball shirt of mine down over her head.

"I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything when I sleep at night."

"Don't worry, I'll be there to help with that."

Bella smiled at me wistfully. I closed the space between with one step toward her and bowed my head so I could connect my lips with hers. We pecked each other on the lips lightly a few times before finally giving in to a full kiss.

Bella whimpered quietly as I drew her bottom lip between mine sucking on it gently. Her hand found its way up the back of my neck and fiddled with my hair before finally clutching it in her fingers and tugging.

Suddenly there was loud banging downstairs and we broke apart. It sounded like someone pounding on the front door. I heard Carlisle open it, his greeting to the person outside making me stare at Bella with shock.

"Chief Swan, what can I do for you this late in the evening?"

Bella looked back up at me with the same expression when we heard who it was on the other side of the door.

"Where's my daughter?" Her father demanded.


	19. My Heart Is Broken

**Chapter 19, revised**

**I do not own Twilight **

**BPOV**

When I heard my father downstairs demanding where I was the first thing I felt was shock. Why the hell was he here? And why suddenly did he care where I was? But then I remembered that Edward had left his car at my house this afternoon when his father picked us up. Charlie would have come home to my boyfriend's car in the driveway and us nowhere in the house.

"We should go downstairs." I muttered quietly to Edward, who still had his arms around me. I let mine fall from his neck and took his hand as I guided him out of the room.

He helped me down the stairs slowly, my father going off on a rant as we approached.

"I came home this evening to find your son's car parked in my driveway," Charlie was saying to Carlisle, "My front door was unlocked, my bathroom door kicked in and my daughter's room torn apart with her no where in the house. So I will ask again, where is Bella?"

I didn't appreciate at all the implications my father was making toward Edward. Yes we had left a bit of a mess in our wake this afternoon, and I wasn't particularly keen on explaining the reason why, but I knew I was going to have to. Now was my chance to make my father understand just how much he's hurt me. I had never before felt such anger toward him in my life.

But what right did he think he had now, showing up here this late at night and accusing my boyfriend with that tone of voice? Because I knew exactly what my father was thinking as he spewed those angry words out at Edward's father.

Edward and I slowly descended the stairs into the main hall, our footsteps making both Charlie and Carlisle look up at us. Edward had his arm around my waist, supporting most of my weight as he helped down the stairs. I had my arm wrapped around him in return, leaning on him because I hurt so much.

"What did you do to her?" Charlie demanded angrily at Edward. I threw him a dirty look as Edward and I crossed the hall to sit on the couch. I winced as I sat down, my body bending at an uncomfortable angle as Edward settled me against a cushion.

"Don't you touch her." Charlie growled. This time Edward threw him a dirty look.

"I'm trying to help her. She's in pain." Edward spat at him.

"What have you done to her?"

Edward chose not to answer, instead he asked me if I was all right. I nodded, reaching for his hand and curled my fingers into his. "It's not his fault that I'm hurt, dad. He did what he had to do."

"And what the hell does that mean?"

I watched Carlisle open his mouth to say something, but I beat him to it. "Do we have to do this here? I think this can wait until the morning."

"I say it can't. I'm the parent and I demand to know what the hell happened this afternoon, Isabella. Why was the house left a wreck? Explain to me why I have to replace the bathroom door."

I felt terrible as I looked over at Edward's father. I could only imagine how uncomfortable this was making him. He was stuck standing there with nothing to say, no way to help us.

I took a deep breath, wincing as my lungs expanding against my braced rib cage causing me more than some discomfort. "I went to the hospital today to refill your sleeping medication. When I got home I…I took one and then locked myself in the bathroom."

"That doesn't explain why the door was forced open, Bella, why the lock is in pieces."

I looked up at Edward and he squeezed my hand reassuringly. I honestly did not want to go any further with this. Yes I was beyond infuriated with my father right now. Why all of a sudden did he care so much? Why was he determined to get answers from me?

"I don't understand why you suddenly care so much about my life." I muttered angrily. "You never did before."

"What did you just say, young lady?"

"I said I don't know why you care. You've haven't given a shit about me since September, dad! You've stopped maybe a handful of times to ask me how I've been, or to say goodbye on your way out in the last eight months. Do you know how that makes me feel? To assume that my own father doesn't care about me. God, think about it!" I shouted at him.

"I took a sleeping pill and locked myself in the bathroom. The door was forced open and I have two broken ribs. I tried to drown myself today and Edward got there with barely any time to save me. He had to perform CPR on me, dad! I wasn't breathing."

My whole body was shaking with rage. Edward wrapped an arm around me pulling me against his shoulder. I could feel another round of tears threatening to spill. I hadn't wanted to say any of those things to him, but he had forced it out of me.

Once I felt brave enough I looked back up at my father, not surprised to see a million expressions crossing his face. Anger, regret, pain, sadness, guilt, rage. He gazed at me with wide eyes, his mouth open in shock.

"Bella," he barely whispered my name as he continued to stare at me. "Why would you do something so selfish, so stupid?"

"I'm not going into that again tonight. I've already heard it once, and that was more than enough."

"I want to know, Bella."

"Why?" I demanded, exasperated with my father now. "Why do you care at all? Why are you even here?"

"Because I thought something had happened to you, Bella. I thought you had been taken."

"Would it matter if I had been?" I asked, venom dripping from my voice. "Would you have even noticed I was gone if the house was left completely normal? You haven't even acknowledged my presence for the last month, dad. Why would you bother to notice it now?"

"Bella, I…you know how I feel about…"

I held my hand up for him to stop. "I don't care right now, dad. And I don't want to sound rude, but I really don't care right now. I'm exhausted and I'm in pain. Yes I realize the gravity of what I've done today, but I've already explained myself thoroughly to Edward, since he's the only one who deserved an explanation."

"I'm your father, Bella, I deserve more than just an explanation about this." Charlie glared at me sternly, daring me to deny him.

"Right now I don't think you deserve more than what I've already told you and even that's more than I wanted to say tonight to you."

"You're coming home with me right now and you're not leaving again until we've talked this out."

"No," I grabbed at Edward's hand staring my father down. "I'm staying here tonight, and every night I'm wanted here. I'm staying with Edward." I inched closer to him, his arm tightening around my shoulder and drawing my head down to his shoulder. "Where I belong," I said quietly, dropping my eyes to the floor.

Charlie remained silent after my testament for a minute or two before muttering, "I expect you home in the morning. And you better come with her so you can take your car home." He directed at Edward.

I didn't look up as I heard the door open and close quietly. As soon as I heard the cruiser start up and drive off I let the first of my tears fall. I sobbed heavily into Edward's chest. He just continued to hold me, kissing the top of my head repeatedly and whispering words of encouragement.

"I'm so sorry, Carlisle. That was completely inappropriate."

"It's all right, Bella. Don't worry about it. I'm sorry there was nothing I could say to make him stop. I didn't think it would help matters if I tried explaining everything."

"No, it would've made everything worse. I feel so terrible for putting you through that."

"Don't worry, Bella." Edward whispered, his hand rubbing my arm soothingly. "It's fine. Everything is going to be all right. I'm staying with you tomorrow. I won't leave your side, even if you're father threatens to arrest me."

"I don't want that to happen, Edward. I know he would, even for something as small as holding my hand in front of him. He'll arrest you and claim assault."

"You're a legal adult, Bella." Edward said in a casual tone, "If you don't claim assault, there's nothing the police can do to me. Coming from another person, it's hearsay. Only your opinion matters."

"No it doesn't. Not with my father. He's the Chief of Police, if you've forgotten. What he says goes, no matter what." Edward just wasn't getting it. I had seen this kind of attitude from my father before. It never mattered what anyone else said, if Chief Swan said a situation went down a certain way, it went down a certain way. And no one ever fought him on it.

"Bella, nothing will happen." Carlisle moved away from the wall he had been leaning against. The sudden intrusion of his voice made me jump, I had completely forgotten he was there. "If it would help, I could go with you two tomorrow and wait outside."

I shook my head. "I think that would piss my father off even more."

"Look, lets leave this alone for the night. I'm sure you're exhausted and would like some sleep, Bella." Edward was already lifting me off the couch and folding me against his chest as he carried me toward the stairs.

"I _can_ walk, you know." I protested.

"I know," Edward flashed me his best wiseass grin, "But I would prefer if you didn't right now. I want you to rest and save your strength."

"All right, fine." I muttered, already tucking my head under his chin.

"I knew I would win."

I rolled my eyes.

"You should lie on your back." Edward suggested a little while later as we settled into his bed for the night.

"I'd rather snuggle," and I curled myself closer to him, wincing from the slight pain in my side.

"It does the healing process no good, Bella, causing your body more distress."

I just nodded and folded my body against his tighter. This time I hissed as the pain shot across my ribs and back. "All right, roll onto your back." Edward pushed against my shoulder gently, forcing me away from him into a straight position.

I whimpered in protest and pain, Edward apologizing as he carefully helped me lay on my back. He rolled onto his side next to me, facing me. "I'm right here, Bella. But I need you to lie straight. I'm not going anywhere tonight. I'll be right here when you wake up."

I reached over and grabbed at his t-shirt. "Please don't leave." I begged in a weak voice. Edward pulled my fingers from his shirt, twining them with his own. He kissed my hand first and then held our tangled fingers to his heart.

"I won't, Bella. I'm never leaving you."

"I love you."

"I love you, Bella. Rest now."

Edward started humming a moment later, a soft sweet melody. I tried to fight off exhaustion as long as I could, but after only a few moments I could feel my eyelids closing.

I don't know how long I slept for, but a throbbing ache in my side woke me up. It must have been morning since when I opened my eyes Edward's room was filled with bright sunlight. I tried to roll onto my side, only to find I was already lying on it. As I attempted to roll back over onto my back a searing pain ripped across my ribs. I hissed and grabbed at my side, a larger hand quickly covering mine.

I looked up into Edward's green eyes, full of concern and guilt. "Don't try and move." He whispered.

"I have to, it's uncomfortable."

"I know, but I don't want you to try and move right now. I need you to just lie like this for a minute while I go talk to my dad, ok?" He leaned in and kissed my forehead, his lips tense. "I'll be right back, I promise. Please try not to move."

"I'll try,"

Edward reluctantly climbed out of bed and left. I could hear him knocking on his dad's bedroom door down the hall, and then his and his father's voices discussing something. I kept squeezing my eyes shut whenever I moved infinitesimally, pain shooting clear through my body.

"We should have done this last night." Edward stated as he and his father walked back in.

"I realized that when her ribs were broken."

Edward started pulling clothes for me out of his dresser as Carlisle helped me sit up. I whimpered in pain as he checked my ribs, Edward throwing a worried glance in my direction. He disappeared into the bathroom for a minute and came back out changed for the day.

"I'm going to help you get dressed and then we're taking you over to the hospital to have some x-rays done." He told me.

"I hate hospitals, Edward."

"I know," he stroked my cheek gently and then leaned in to kiss my forehead again. "I know, Bella, but this really should have been done last night. I just didn't want to let you out of my sight. I didn't want to be away from you."

"I understand," I winced as he pulled my sleep shirt over my head. He helped slip my bra on and a clean shirt. "Just don't leave me alone there."

Edward sighed heavily, unable to meet my eyes. Like he knew something that he didn't want to tell me. I let it go for now, allowing Edward to slip an arm around my waist and help me up from the bed.

Carlisle was waiting for us outside in the car, his face grim each time I winced as Edward walked me down the stairs. He had refused to give me any painkillers right now, wanting to wait until I was done being examined. I could deal with the pain for now, it wouldn't last forever.

"You're not going to be entirely comfortable, but I'll try to keep you from jostling too much." Edward seated me sideways next to him in the backseat, wrapping an arm around my stomach to keep me as immobile as possible.

When we arrived at the ER Carlisle offered to get me a wheelchair, but I said I was fine and I could walk in. Seated behind the desk was the same nurse that had refused to let me into the ER to see Edward the day he was in the accident.

"Good morning, Dr. Cullen, I though you had today off?"

"I do, Claire, is the X-Ray room available right now?" Carlisle asked, all authority.

"I believe so, but I'd have to check to make sure. Do you need to see a patient's file?" Claire started fingering through some files she had on her desk, her eyes flicking over to me and Edward and then back to Carlisle.

"No, I need to have some X-Rays done." Carlisle looked at me, making sure Claire knew it was me that needed to be examined. "Let me know when you find out if the X-Ray room is available." He requested and walked off around the corner.

"How are you doing?" Edward asked as he sat me down.

"I'm ok." I held my ribs as I settled next to him.

"Liar," Edward whispered, a smirk on his face.

"I'm sorry," I whispered back. "I don't want you to feel bad."

"Dr. Cullen, the X-Ray room is ready for you." Claire said suddenly. Edward's head perked up. "Yes," she spoke into a phone. "Yes, they're still sitting here. Sam is in there today. All right, I'll tell them." I wasn't watching but I heard a phone being set done and Edward's arm tightened around my shoulders comfortingly. "Your father will be right back out, he went to his office to check a few things and then he'll take you both up to X-Ray. I just need you to fill out some paperwork."

Edward got up, pulling his wallet from his back pocket. He remained up at the desk while he filled out all of the necessary paperwork. My eyes remained trained on him the entire time. I watched him copying some information down from a card and then sign about five times. He shoved the clipboard back toward Claire with a sigh and returned to his seat next to me.

"I'm going to carry you up all right." Edward told me as his father reappeared around a corner.

I nodded, in too much pain to make a protest. Edward lifted me gingerly into his arms cradling me close to his chest. I cringed as the ache in my ribs escalated and I bit my lip to keep from whimpering.

"Did you fill out all of the paperwork?" Carlisle asked as we headed off down a hallway.

"Most of it," Edward responded, "But we can finish it later."

We stopped at an elevator and Carlisle pushed the call button.

"What information do you need?" I asked out loud.

"Don't worry right now, Bella. We'll take care of it." Carlisle smiled at me, but it wasn't very reassuring.

"I can take care of it, too. Ow," I protested quietly as Edward shifted me in his arms when the elevator picked up and started ascending.

"I'm sorry, Bella." I felt his lips against my hair, momentarily distracting me from the discomfort in my torso.

The elevator stopped a moment later as we reached the appropriate floor. "Bella, I can't go in the actual room with you, ok. But I'll be outside waiting."

I knew this had been coming. I swallowed thickly and nodded. Edward carried me into the X-Ray room while Carlisle disappeared behind another door. Edward laid me down on the bed inside and secured the heavy lead robe over me.

"Just a couple minutes, that's all it takes."

"I'll be ok." I promised. Now that I knew I was closer to getting out of here, I felt much braver and could ignore the ache.

Edward leaned down and kissed my forehead repeating his promise to be waiting outside for me when I was done. I'd had x-rays done before, I knew the routine. And as Edward had said, it only took a few minutes and Carlisle was walking me out of the room.

I was now to go back downstairs to the ER and wait for about twenty minutes while my film came back. I was feeling a little better now that the tough part was over and I could relax. Thankfully it was quiet this morning and I was able to be shown right into a curtained room.

Edward laid me down on the gurney and repositioned it so I was sitting up. He handed me the remote for the TV and told me he was going to find something for me to eat for breakfast. He returned a few minutes later with two trays and some papers.

"They have pancakes and bacon this morning." He laid the tray on my lap with a bright smile and lifted the lid to present to me a small pile of pancakes and bacon with a little plastic cup of orange juice and a small carton of chocolate milk and some grapes.

"Thanks, I'm starving." I dug in immediately, savoring the food despite the fact that it was hospital cuisine. Edward ate his quietly glancing at me. I was so thrilled to finally have food in my body this late in the morning that the pain in my side was temporarily forgotten.

"I know it's not that good, but it's also not that bad." Edward popped the last bit of bacon in his mouth with a sly smile. "I've definitely had better."

"Complimenting my cooking?" I asked, sipping the last of my chocolate milk.

"What else could I be talking about? Ok, I have the forms from earlier and we just need your personal information that I don't know." Edward took the tray from me and replaced it with the papers.

Looking over the blank spots I realized it was just simple stuff. As I finished I noticed that Edward had filled in his medical insurance to cover the bill from today. "Edward, you don't have to do that. I have insurance."

"I know you do, but Carlisle looked up what your co-pay would be for an ER visit and an X-Ray, and it's…" Edward made a bit of a face.

"Expensive," I guessed. I adjusted my seat and winced as some pain shot up my side.

"Oh, here." Edward reached into his pocket taking out a small packet. "My dad gave me this for you. But I wanted to make sure you ate first before you took it."

Edward got up after handing me the painkillers and came back with a small cup of water. "Thank you," I swallowed the pills gratefully.

"Don't worry about the bill for today. My dad wants to take care of it. Sort of a…thank you."

I thought for a moment about it. The only thing I could think of Edward's father being thankful to me for would be…Edward. For saving him as much as he has saved me.

"Tell him thank you for me." I signed my name at the bottom of the forms and handed them back to Edward. "And that he has nothing to thank _me_ for."

"He feels he does. I'll be right back." Edward kissed my forehead gently before departing with the papers in hand. In the privacy I now found myself in I reflected on the last twenty-four hours.

If it hadn't been for Edward, and I have to admit that he was right in everything he had done and said to me afterward, today would be a much different day for so many people. I have to be thankful. Now that I think about it, I was being entirely selfish and thinking about only my pain, not the pain I would have caused others if I had succeeded in my attempt.

I could appreciate just how angry Edward was with me right now. I don't know how long it's going to take him to forgive me, but I'm going to give him no reason to regret saving me. From now on I will no longer be a moping, pathetic mess focused solely on myself. I want to focus my energy on important, worthwhile things and people.

Like my father.

I know as soon as we finish here, and Carlisle releases me Edward and I had to head over to my house. I know my father was probably fuming, wondering where the hell I was. I'm surprised he hasn't started calling around trying to find me.

I looked up, snapping out of my reverie when I heard the curtain rustle and Edward and his father appeared on the other side of it. "Good news, Bella, you still have just the two fractured ribs. So I'm going to tape you up and we can head on out. I'll be right back with everything."

Carlisle patted my shoulder comfortingly before leaving and yanking the curtain shut. Edward sat back down in the chair next to my bed, an uneasy expression on his face. "What's wrong?" I asked reaching over and taking his hand.

"Your dad called the hospital looking for you. He figured this was where you would be since you weren't home yet."

I sighed heavily. This was going to be a very long day.


	20. Epiphany

**Chapter 20, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**BPOV **

We dragged our feet leaving the hospital. I wasn't too keen on getting home quickly to see Charlie. I wanted him to sit there and think before I walked, well hobbled, in the door. Going up the front steps hurt more than I anticipated. Thankfully Edward was not leaving my side any time soon and helped me with one arm around my waist for support. Charlie heard us arrive and opened the door seconds before we reached it.

He held it open with a blank look on his face ushering us both in. I smelled fresh coffee wafting from the kitchen and noticed he had three mugs set out on the table with milk and sugar in the middle.

"Just water, please, dad." I requested quietly as I carefully slid into a chair. Edward grabbed two mugs from the table and filled them both before sitting down.

Charlie placed my water in front of me and went about adding milk to the coffee Edward had poured for him. I knew it wasn't an attempt to soften my dad, Edward was just polite like that.

We all sat in silence for several long minutes while Charlie and Edward sipped coffee and traded looks back and forth, glancing at me in between. I sipped my water and tried not to move too much. "Do you need another pain killer?" Edward asked after I had grimaced for the fourth time.

"No, I'm fine, it's just hard to get comfortable and sit straight at the same time."

"Maybe we should sit in the living room instead?" Charlie offered.

"No, here is fine." I put my hand up to stop him from rising from his seat.

Another interim of silence passed between us. I knew Charlie was trying to pick the right moment to breach the subject of why I was here in the first place. I could almost hear his mind turning with what it was he wanted to say to me, and to Edward. I didn't need to be a mind reader to know he was turning over several scenarios in his head right now.

"I just don't understand why, Bella." He finally said, looking up from his cup.

"You really don't understand why I was so depressed for the last…I don't even know how many months? You don't understand why you would choose to ignore me, to act as though I don't exist? _I _don't understand why, dad."

"Bella, you know how hard it was for me when your mother left…"

I put my hand back up. "No, stop right there. It's been thirteen years, dad. Yes, I know it was hard at first, and I didn't quite comprehend that. I was too young to understand. But I was there for you and you were there for me. It was always the two of us from then on. A team. And lately, over the last ten months…" I shook my head looking down at the table for a minute. Edward held my hand in his lap for support, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I feel like I've been flying solo. And it hasn't been easy."

Charlie looked rightfully upset. I knew there was a reason behind his behavior, and he was either too proud to admit it, or too embarrassed of it. I was going with the latter. "Bells, when Renee left, it was hard. I didn't know how to be a single parent. But you made it easy. You were never demanding and you were always there to help me when I needed it. You were a very precocious five-year-old,

"And you're right, we were a team. We settled into this little pattern of day-to-day life with each other and in the first few years I began to heal and things were fine for us. But then you started to grow up. You have your mother's spirit and it came out as you got older, started going to high school. I saw a lot of her in you, and it only reminded me that in a few short years you would be leaving, too."

Charlie stopped and sniffed. I could see how hard this was for him. To admit how much I reminded him of Renee. I looked nothing like her. I wasn't as harebrained or erratic as she was. Absolutely not. I was organized and stable-minded. I made up my mind to do something and finished it. Renee had always gone from one project to the next stopping halfway through and never completing a task. I was so much more like Charlie. But Renee had had a free spirit. She never let anything or anyone get in her way and she always did what she wanted within her limits. I knew I had that sense of freedom and I attacked my life with the same gusto she had attacked hers.

"But you know that would never have been the end." I pointed out to Charlie.

"I heard you talking about going away to an east coast college, and how much you wanted to be on that side of that country. I just knew you would fall in love with it and want to stay there. Then I would never see my baby girl again."

I reached across the table with my free hand and wrapped it around his. "Dad, I would never abandon you like that. I'm not mom. I would always visit. And who knows that I'm going to fall in love with the east coast. I may actually hate it."

"I saw the acceptance letter to Harvard on your desk a month ago. That just made everything so real for me, Bells. I've never been more proud of you, but it's never hurt me more."

I watched as tears gathered in his eyes and he wiped them away before they could fall. "I'm sorry it hurts you, dad. But its what I want to do. However, none of this explains why…why you act as though I don't exist."

"I've been trying to distance myself from you. I thought that would make it easier, but no." Charlie hung his head and sniffed again. "It only made things worse and I destroyed our relationship, Bella, and I'll always be profoundly sorry for it. I never meant to push you away, but that's what I did."

"Why didn't you just talk to me, dad?"

"You're never home anymore. And the times I actually got up the courage to try and say something, start a conversation…as soon as you walked in the room I lost all my courage. You're just so grown up now, Bella. You're more of an adult than I am."

I felt the corner of my lips turn up in a half smile. That was Charlie's way of saying he was proud of the way I turned out, despite everything. "I thought you didn't want me here, or that you didn't want to be here. You spend so much time at work."

"We had to let one of the officers at the station go for some time. I caught him sleeping too many times on the job and I found a bottle of alcohol in his desk. He's going through a bad divorce. I told him to take a leave of absence until he gets his life together and then he could come back if he wanted to. And then a couple months ago Garrett moved to Nevada. So now it's just Peter and me over there. We've been trying to hire new officers, but no one is interested. I haven't had much choice but to work a lot. I'm sorry if it gave you the wrong idea, Bella."

"What about my graduation ticket? I left it pinned to the calendar for you, and then last week when I was picking up your laundry I found it in the trash."

"I took your ticket down off the calendar and I meant to bring it in to work with me. I'm pulling a double shift the night before and I'll be coming over to the school right from the station. I didn't want to forget it. So I stuffed it my pocket and then I emptied it later that night when I got home, I forgot to leave the ticket on my desk at work."

I nodded, processing all of the information Charlie had given me. It was a lot to work through, and a lot harder to accept. I had come to train my mind to believe he didn't care. But Charlie wasn't one to bare his feelings often and when he did you knew he was sincere.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I love you so much, and I've failed you as a father. I want to be a part of your life, I do. I want nothing more than to know everything that's going on, but the past months…I've made some bad decisions and even worse ones when I didn't want to bother to try and change things."

"I've made bad decisions, too, dad. I hope you can forgive me."

"If you can forgive me, Bells."

I nodded, feeling tears prickling the corner of my eyes now. Charlie reached across the table to wrap his arms around my shoulders. I did my best to hug him back without moving too much. He sat back and wiped his eyes again. Edward pushed the box of tissues on the table closer to both of us, making us laugh. It released the tension in the air significantly.

"Can we talk, just you and I?" Charlie asked.

I looked over at Edward. He nodded and stood to get up.

"No, let's go sit out back and talk." Charlie offered. He obviously didn't want Edward to be within earshot. Or maybe he wanted the presence of privacy.

"I'll make some lunch." Edward offered.

At the mention of the word my stomach rumbled making Edward chuckle. He helped me up and Charlie and I walked out to the back deck to sit down. I don't know how long we were out there for, but we talked about everything. I went on and on about school and how I was valedictorian. Charlie already knew. He had seen my notepad with my speech in it on my desk. He admitted how he had laughed at my crossed out paragraphs and half sentences. I had no idea what it was I wanted to say, and wound up scratching out an idea before I even finished it.

Charlie told me about how work was at the station and went into more detail about the hectic day-to-day paperwork he and Peter were consistently filling out. No major crimes had been committed in a while, but there had been some fights at the local bar they had needed to break up, a few speeding tickets here and there with a traffic violation or two thrown in. There was one major accident, the one Edward had been involved in. At the time Charlie hadn't known he was my boyfriend.

That started a whole new turn in the conversation and he began questioning me about my relationship with Edward. I gave him the whole story. I started with how Edward and I had first become aware of each other back in September, and how our friendship had grown from there, into the relationship we shared now. I was so in love with him. I never wanted to be with any one else. I explained to Charlie how someday we would make things official between us and how that day may possibly be sooner rather than later. Like in a few years sooner.

Charlie didn't seem at all surprised to hear that. He asked about Edward, how he treated me and what his relationship was like with this own father. I went on about how Edward and Carlisle were in the midst of repairing their relationship with each other after years of inactive involvement in each other's lives. Charlie hung his head at that point and apologized once more.

We must have been talking for at least an hour by the time Edward slid the back door open and asked if we were hungry. My stomach rumbled again, making Edward smile.

"I made grilled cheese, is that all right?"

"That's fine, Edward, thank you for cooking." Charlie uttered quietly as we all walked in.

Edward had set the table and already cleaned up the dishes. He took the three sandwiches from the oven where they were keeping warm and placed a bowl of chips in the middle of the table.

"You know, dad, I've been teaching Edward to cook and I think he's going to be better than me soon."

"Not a chance in the world." Edward commented as he took a huge bite out of his sandwich. He was clearly hungry. "No one cooks like you do."

"That sure is true." Charlie agreed. He picked at his sandwich and sipped his iced tea.

I finished my lunch in a few minutes, glad to have some food in my stomach. I tend to concentrate better when I'm well fed. I didn't know if there was really anything else we could talk about today. It would probably be better if Charlie and I left things were they were for the rest of the day and kept going tomorrow.

"I think I should go back with Edward for the rest of the day and we'll both come back tomorrow?" I put to Charlie as Edward cleaned up the rest of the lunch dishes.

"Ok, I need to rest and sleep on some of the things that were said today."

"I think some rest would be good for everyone." Edward commented, coming to stand next to me. He reached down and took my hand. I noticed Charlie's eyes follow the gesture and he sighed quietly to himself.

"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow, Bells."

I reached up with one arm and hugged him loosely. It was a little awkward at first since he didn't hug me back, but eventually he wrapped one arm around me and hugged back gently.

"I love you, Bella. You know that right?"

"I know dad, I love you, too."

I didn't sleep as well as I wanted to that night. Edward lay awake next to me for hours, making sure I didn't roll onto my side. We whispered back forth well into the night. We questioned back and forth about my dad and the conversation we had had on the back deck.

He asked me about graduation and my speech. I knew I was going to be rewriting it now from the beginning. I had some things I wanted to say now that I knew Charlie was going to be there, I had a specific way I wanted to say them. I still had five days before my speech was due to read over for approval. I knew I could get it done.

Edward was up before me in the morning. We showered together quickly and went downstairs. Carlisle had already left for the hospital, so we were on our own for breakfast.

"How about we go over to your house and make something?" Edward offered as I opened and closed various cabinets.

"There's nothing in his house to cook with."

"So we grab a few things first from the store. Come on, I think he'll appreciate it. We can make pancakes."

I half smiled at him as I thought over the idea. I knew what he was trying to do. He wasn't forcing my hand to interact with my father, but he was giving me a gentle nudge of encouragement to keep the ball rolling. He was telling me don't give up, just keep it at a slow pace.

My dad was awake when we arrived, but he was upstairs in the shower. I knew he had had a long night, and had to go back in late this afternoon for a few hours before coming home again for a well-deserved night off. I didn't know how many of these he had actually had in the past months since I was hardly around, but I'm glad he was getting one tonight. I had never known my dad to have bags under his eyes, but yesterday they were so clear, and I felt bad. I wanted him to rest. I already planned on coming back over tonight to cook dinner for him.

When Charlie came back downstairs, dressed in clean clothes and towel drying his hair, Edward and I were just laying breakfast out on the table. I couldn't bend as much as he could, so I was handing him things and he was placing them on the table.

"That sure smells good, guys." Charlie commented. He tossed his towel into his room as I shook my head. He never was good at hanging towels back up.

"So I was thinking we could come back tonight and cook dinner, too." I offered halfway through the meal.

"That would be wonderful, Bella. I really have nothing around except fish."

"We can go out and grab some groceries." Edward offered.

"Yeah, and we'll clean the house today, too I haven't done it in a while, and I'm sure laundry is piling up."

"Don't hurt yourself, Bella." Charlie eyed me and I knew he was thinking of my bandaged ribs.

"I can load and unload laundry."

"I'll take care of everything else." Edward interjected before I could protest further. I really shouldn't be moving around that much anyway, but I wanted to help, even if it was just something small.

Charlie returned to his room after breakfast to sleep for a few hours. Edward and I went out to do the grocery shopping. The bill wound up being higher than I expected but Charlie had enough money in his 'grocery fund' jar to cover it. We stocked up the kitchen, then cleaned out the fridge and the freezer. I moved the fish to Charlie's extra freezer in the garage, then went into his room and quietly collected all of his laundry.

He didn't wake as I walked back out, but I shut the door as I left. I didn't want the vacuum waking him. Cleaning didn't take too long. I moved laundry around and dusted while Edward cleaned upstairs and down. I left Charlie's clean laundry in a basket on the floor of his room folded and ready to put away. We moved on to my room next, which also didn't take very long.

Edward took me out for lunch to the diner afterward. Since it was a Sunday it was a little busy at lunch hour, but we were seated quickly and a waitress came over to take our drink orders.

"Thanks for all of your support, Edward. I don't know what I would have done had I been alone in all of this." I played with his hand where it lay in the middle of the table. I touched the tips of his fingers with my own, curling them around each other then letting go.

"You'll never be alone in this, Bella. I'll be here to stand beside you." He leaned across the table so I met him halfway and he pressed a sweet kiss to my lips.

"Aww, how nice. A little PDA action, Bella. I didn't think you were the type."

We broke apart at the sound of Jessica's nasally voice, but we didn't sit back in our booth seats. "There's a lot of things you don't think of." I retorted. "Like the fact that a short prom dress may have some hazardous side effects when one falls down. Especially if such person is not wearing any underwear."

Jessica's face turned into a mask of shock. "How do you…Wait. You didn't…"

"Didn't what, Jessica?" Edward asked innocently, raising his eyebrows in question.

"No, never mind. So, I can't wait to hear your speech next Thursday." Jessica crossed her arms over her chest, trying to push her breasts up.

"I'm glad you're anticipating it. But Edward may be delivering it, depending if I can stand long enough."

Now Jessica looked confused. She eyed me up and down looking for injuries, but unless she had X-ray vision, she wasn't going to see the bandages around my busted ribs. She glanced at Edward now. "Is that supposed to be a joke about fucking?"

Edward spluttered and started shaking so hard he had to bury his head in his arms on the table. I glanced up at Jessica. "Yeah, sure. As you know, because you reminded me once about your brief relationship with my boyfriend. You were right, Edward is a good fuck."

Edward looked up at me and I winked at him. Jessica walked away looking completely aghast. Our waitress came back over with our drinks, apparently she had been waiting for Jessica to leave, as we were.

"What are you in the mood for?" Edward asked as we quickly glanced over the menu.

"I'm actually in the mood for a grilled cheese on Texas toast." I beamed at our waitress.

"Would you like to add bacon to that?"

"And tomato?"

"Absolutely. Is sharp cheddar all right? That's all we have right now."

"Perfect."

"And I'll have a turkey burger with cheese and all the sides, please." Edward ordered with a smile as well.

"Excellent, I'll put those in right away for you. Shouldn't be more than fifteen minutes or so."

"Can you believe, Jessica?" I asked once our waitress was out of earshot. "Is she high?"

"I don't know, but whatever drug she _is_ taking, she better start sharing. Or better yet, I'll just ask my dad."

I laughed so hard I almost spit soda out of my nose. I clutched my side as my ribs started to ache. I did my best to calm myself, but that didn't stop the irritation to my wound. Edward did his best not to make me laugh so hard for the rest of the day.

After dinner with my dad we returned to Edward's house. He made me a bath, which we wound up taking together. I wished fervently that we could have sex. Ever since mentioning Edward's skills at lunch I had been fighting back the burn low in my body. I wanted him, and if the way he was squirming in his seat all throughout dinner was any indication, he was just as aroused as I was.

"So when are cleared to be playful again?" I asked as we snuggled in bed.

"When my dad says so. Sorry, nothing I can do about it. It might be a week or two."

"I don't think I can make it." I reached my hand down under the sheet and inside the waistband of his boxers.

"Not a good idea, love." He whispered, pulling my hand out. "If you start something I'll be inclined to finish it, and I don't want to hurt you."

I pouted like a petulant child. Edward leaned in and kissed my forehead. He whispered things to me that made me slip into a dreamy sleep within minutes. I remember feeling his arms around me as I drifted off. I felt safe and secure.

I felt loved.


	21. Never Too Late

**Chapter 21, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

The morning of graduation came too fast. I went to bed Wednesday night, having just finished my finals on Monday, and woke up Thursday morning to see Bella smiling.

"We're graduating today." She whispered. We had spent the better part of yesterday afternoon at the high school inside the gym practicing the ceremony. Thankfully they hadn't made us wear our robes. It was hot as fuck out.

So I was marginally thankful the ceremony would be held inside where it was somewhat cooler. If the AC was actually working.

We didn't have to be at the high school until 1, so after breakfast with my dad, we went over to Bella's, only to find that Charlie was still at work. Bella left him a note and some lunch in the fridge. We drove to Port Angeles for the rest of the morning and had a nice lunch by the water.

It was just the two of us and I could easily imagine the rest of our lives like this. Quiet afternoons spent together studying, relaxing, or whatever. We would be doing away at college and some day living on our own somewhere, but we would be together where we could spend an infinite amount time doing as we pleased with each other.

I couldn't wait to move to the east coast in August. We were both going to Harvard where Bella would double major in history and literature, and I was planning on getting my education degree majoring in history and taking a minor in biology. I wanted to teach, I had finally made up my mind. Bella supported me fully in my decision. For a few months I had been tossing the idea around in my head whether I wanted to study medicine or if I wanted to go some other route.

That other route turned out to be teaching. I was satisfied with high school level to start. Some day I wanted to be a professor. I planned on studying for a Phd eventually, but that would have to wait until after graduate school, number one, and until Bella and I were comfortably situated in our lives together after college.

"Are you excited?" Bella asked me now, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"I'm…I don't know." I answered honestly, folding my arm under my head. "Are you excited?"

Bella nodded. "I can't wait till the day is over." She rolled on to her side so she was facing me. "Do you know what the plans are for tonight?"

"I think my dad wants to take us all somewhere fancy, your dad included."

"Charlie has to work again late tonight, but I'll ask him. Maybe the three of us can do something before he has to go in."

"How do you feel about your speech?"

Bella grimaced as she thought about it. "I'm nervous. I don't know if my dad will actually hear what it is I'm trying to say."

I reached out and cupped her face, running my thumb along her cheekbone. "I'm sure he will, Bella."

A few hours later we found ourselves having an early lunch with Charlie at the diner. He had left the station earlier so he could shower and change before heading over to the ceremony. He didn't want to rush over, which Bella thought was a good sign. After lunch, and a few tears from both father and daughter, Bella and I headed over to the high school.

As valedictorian she needed to be there a little extra early to go over the ceremony one more time, have her speech looked over again and approved just in case she had made any last minute changes the night before.

We helped get the gym set up and put up the banners with our class year and draped the stage in cheesy yellow ribbons. Bella was still having some trouble moving around. I offered to stand up and deliver her speech for her is she was feeling too weak to do it. But she assured me she would be fine.

"Ow, ow, ok maybe not." Bella lowered herself down slowly from where she had been reaching to fix one of the banners over the stage.

"Bella, that was dumb, why did you do that?" I helped her sit and straightened her back as much as she could with causing her further pain.

"I thought I could reach it without it hurting. Ow…shit, did I sprain it?"

"Well, hold still and I'll check." I poked a little around her ribs, applying the tiniest amount of pressure. Bella winced from slight pain, but she didn't appear to be feeling anything severe.

"I think I'll be ok."

I looked her in the eye, my hands on her shoulders. "Are you sure?

"Yeah, I'm sure."

I took her word and helped her up. A few fellow students had gathered nearby when Bella cried out, but they didn't get nosy. We finished up quickly with the decorations so Bella and I could go change for the ceremony. I finished first and stood outside the bathroom waiting for her to come out.

"Very pretty," I approved as Bella walked out a few minutes later in a light yellow dress.

"You like it? I got it yesterday while you were at the music store."

"Oh, is that where you disappeared to after lunch?" I teased. I had asked her is she wanted to come in to music store with me in Port Angeles, but she had other plans and walked up the street to a small boutique.

She walked into the music store fifteen minutes later with a purple bag in her hand, but she wouldn't tell me what was in it.

"It's very pretty." I repeated, tucking some hair behind her ear. I cupped one side of her face and leaned to kiss her. Bella backed away a mere step, but not far enough to break my connection. "What's wrong?"

She eyed the hallway around us as our fellow graduates began gathering, waiting to be organized into groups by last name.

"I don't like a huge audience." Bella whispered.

"Ah. Maybe later then."

"Later," Bella promised. She leaned up and pecked me on the cheek before rushing off to be herded into the group S-Z.

I tried to keep my eyes on her as we all entered the gym to _Pomp and Circumstance_. Charlie and my father were sitting in the stands against the back wall. They were having a conversation as the students began filing in, but I noticed when I looked back at them after taking my seat, that Charlie's eyes were fixed on Bella as she walked in.

Our principle went through the opening welcome, congratulating us all, blah, blah, blah. He spoke of how proud he was of all of us, of how much we achieved in our four years here at Forks High School, and how we would now be furthering our education to help make the world a better place.

"I now invite our class valedictorian to come up and speak. Isabella Swan will be attending Harvard in the fall and will double major in history and literature. She graduates today as class valedictorian, and a member of the national honor society. Isabella Swan,"

Polite applause followed Principal Green's introduction, and a few whistles, one of which was from me. Bella made her way slowly up to the stage, glancing at the cards in her hands as she shuffled them. I could tell she was nervous. She only ever played with things in her hands when nerves were getting to her. She took her spot at the podium and adjusted the microphone. I could tell her ribs were bothering her a little as she moved from foot to foot, trying to get comfortable.

"Welcome class of 2012, congratulations. Today we graduate as Forks High seniors." Cheers and applause followed her first sentence as I expected. She clapped on stage with the rest of us and waited a few moments before continuing. I hadn't read her revised speech, so I had no clue what she was going to say today. I sat there in the second row watching and listening.

"Welcome to our families and friends who are here to watch and support us take this next big step in our lives. Today marks a milestone for all of us. Four years ago when I walked through the front door I felt like it was going to be a lifetime until I got here to this moment. And it was. But I had someone taking that journey with me this whole time."

I felt all eyes in my proximity turn and stare at me. But they were dead wrong. I knew who Bella was talking about, and it wasn't me.

"Someone, that all of us here owes a thousand thanks to for the love they have given us through these tough years. Without that love none of us would be here now. And even though in these past years we've probably all said more times than we can count how much we hate them, or how much they are ruining our lives, we still love them." Bella looked up and glanced at the stand seating directly in front of her. I knew she was looking at Charlie.

"In a few years when we all graduate from college and we take our next big step out into the real world we can not forget those who gave their love and support to get us here, and will continue to give that love for the rest of our lives." She took a moment to stop and I saw her blink a couple times.

"Remember, all that we have achieved, and all that we will achieve, we can not do it alone. Before the day is over I think we should all take a moment to go up to those that have seen us this far in life, and remind them of just how much we love them. Congratulations class of 2012. I know I'm proud to say that."

Applause followed once more, a little bit more enthusiastic than the first time. I almost stood up as Bella began making her way back to her seat, just to keep clapping as she passed. But I would have been the only one standing, thus creating a very awkward moment. Bella locked eyes with me as she made her way to the back rows. She signed 'I love you' by holding up her thumb, index and pinky finger to me. I returned it discreetly.

Our guest speaker was next to get up and speak. I don't remember her name, but she went on about how this was one of the most important days of our lives, how proud she was to be standing before such fine students and how she expected us all to achieve everything we ever dreamed of.

Our principal came back up afterwards. It was finally time to walk across the stage and accept our diplomas. Well, most of us knew better. It was just the holder for the actual diploma. We wouldn't be receiving our real certificates of education for another week or so.

I got up with the rest of my row and filed forward. Our pictures were taken as we shook hands with Principal Green and accepted the leather binder. I did my best to make eye contact with him, but my eyes were on that binder. I couldn't wait to slip the certificate into it.

As I sat down I watched Bella's row get up and make its way forward. I stood up and clapped for her as she walked across the stage. There were some whistles behind me and a couple calls for Bella I knew were coming from Jasper and Emmett.

Once we all had walked and held identical holders, Principal Green returned to the podium and instructed us all to stand and flip our tassels. He congratulated us all once more and announced as the graduating class of 2012. At once 300 yellow caps went flying into the air over our chairs, mine included. I caught it as it came back down, a huge smile spreading across my face.

I found Bella before she could get too far out of her row. I scooped her up and twirled her around as she laughed. She kissed me as I set her back on her feet, throwing her arms around my neck. I felt her wince as she stretched to reach up, no doubt causing herself a little discomfort.

"You ok?" I asked when we broke apart.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Oh my God, I can believe we're graduated."

"I don't think any of us can." Jasper called out as he and Emmett walked over. Emmett had his arm thrown across Rosalie's shoulders. "My parents want us all to go outside and take pictures. Apparently they think it will be easier."

"Well, they would be wrong. Outside is where everyone is heading." Emmett deadpanned. Rosalie slapped him upside the head and told him to behave. Emmett hung his head, but I could see the corners of his mouth turn up in a smirk.

Outside we met up wit Emmett's parents, Jasper's, and mine and Bella's fathers. Several group shots were taken before we broke off into twos and singles. We got together for the last group shot and Jasper looked up, laughing at Emmett's joke. Suddenly he stopped, staring away at the fence between the school grounds and the parking lot.

"Jasper, where are you going?" I called, watching him walk off toward someone who was waving and smiling brightly at him. I would recognize that short, dark, spiky hair anywhere. "Alice!" I called out to her happily as Jasper finished jogging over to the fence.

She waved to me, but her smile was for Jasper. He got to the fence and reached his hands over it to clasp hers.

"Should we give them a minute?" Bella asked. She glanced at our assembled families, who were watching the reunion as well.

"Yeah, I'm sure he'll bring her over here eventually. I can't believe she's here."

"I thought she was in Paris."

"Not anymore,"

"Did you know about this?" Bella asked as she punched me lightly on the shoulder.

"No," I stuttered, shuffling away from her in case she felt the need to inflict more harm.

Everyone watched as Jasper and Alice walked back hand in hand. I had never seen a bigger smile on his face than right now. Alice was beaming as well. I heard Bella sniff beside me and slipped my arm around her shoulders.

"Welcome home," I grabbed Alice into a one-arm hug. "When did you get back?"

"Two days ago. I graduated early in France." Alice explained quickly. "My dad was transferred back here to manage the US branch of his corporation. And my mom really wanted to come home and see her family."

"I'm so happy you're here." Jasper uttered quietly. He leaned down to kiss my cousin's temple, lingering there maybe a moment longer than necessary, but it was well understood why. "I can't believe it."

"I can't either." Alice whispered back. I could tell just from the way they were staring at each other things were going to get hot and heavy between them tonight. But I knew the looks on their faces well. It was as if nothing else existed around them. The whole world lay forgotten for a few seconds as they gazed at each other. It was a look Bella and I had shared many times. Especially recently.

"One more picture everyone!" Jasper's mother requested. "Alice, you, too dear."

We all shoved together under the oak tree on the school's lawn, smiling brightly as four cameras flashed in front of us.

Years later when I looked back at this picture, at all of our smiling faces; me, Bella, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rose, I was going to remember this day as the best of our young adulthood. We were all together, smiling and happy. Even though we would wind up going our separate ways after college, we would always have this one moment locked forever in a photograph.


	22. Epilogue: Until the End

**Epilogue, revised.**

**I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

"Do you think it's too short?" Bella asked from where she stood in front of my mirror. She was petting her recently shorn hair. It now fell to just above her shoulders in a heavily layered shag.

"No, it's not too short. But why did you dye it darker brown?"

Bella glared at me over her shoulder in the mirror. She returned to petting her hair, trying to smooth down one particularly obnoxious lock that didn't want to be smoothed down. She sighed, turning away from her reflection and headed over to me on the bed.

"The stylist was not keen on dying my hair, I'll tell you that much. She loved the color I already had." Bella lay down next to me so we were both on our sides facing each other. "I dyed it darker because…well, I thought it might make me invisible." She whispered, almost like she was embarrassed to admit this to me.

Her fingers reached out and grabbed at the collar of my shirt, just playing with it. "You want to disappear?" I asked gently, bringing my hand up to encase and still hers. I laced our fingers together and squeezed her hand.

Bella nodded in answer to my question. I kissed her hand in response and laid it on my heart. I didn't have to say anything to convey my message to her.

"After everything that's happened that's exactly what I want to do, Edward. Just disappear."

"I can understand that. But you know you don't have to. At least not alone."

"I can't wait to go away to college in a few weeks. Start over, start fresh some place else. Find out who I am, because I honestly have no clue."

I shrugged my shoulders. "You're not supposed to at this age. That _is_ what college is for after all."

We lay there in silence for a minute, Bella returned to fingering the collar of my shirt and I laid my hand across her waist, rubbing softly. The only sound was our breathing as we took in occasional air. Bella's eyes remained on my shirt, but mine were on her face watching her as she chewed over something in her mind.

"Can I ask you a serious question?"

Bella looked up at me finally, her eyes now curious. "Depends on the question." She grinned.

I took a breath and let it out, figuring out exactly in my mind how I wanted to word this before I actually asked it. I had no idea how Bella would react to this question, and I wanted to make sure I got it right.

"How do you feel about…marriage?"

"I don't think it worked for my parents."

"What about us?" I asked slowly.

Bella sucked in a sharp breath, her eyes now delving into mine as if she were trying to find out what I would say next before I said it, or maybe to see if I was really being serious.

"Edward," She spoke my name quietly, her eyes now beginning to shift. "Are you asking me what I think you're asking?"

"Maybe. Do you want to get married?"

"Now, or years from now?" Bella asked, her voice shaky.

"Now,"

I reached into my back pocket and took out the ring my father had given me yesterday when I talked to him and Bella's father. "This was my mother's engagement ring." I told Bella, holding it in front of her now. It was white gold with a square cut diamond in the middle flanked by four smaller diamonds, two on each side.

"Edward,"

I held up a hand for Bella to stop. "Before you tell me you can't accept this, I want you to know my father gave this to me to give to you. He wants you to have it. And they both gave their consent for me to ask, not that my father's permission counts for much, it's all about _your_ father's permission…"

"Edward," Bella stopped me mid rant. I was nervous. "I wasn't going to refuse the ring."

"Oh," I looked away for a moment. "You weren't going to refuse me either, were you?"

"No," Bella laughed, shaking her head. "I just wanted to make sure that this is what you want. Because you know, once we go through with it we're stuck with each other forever."

"Is that a 'yes', Bella?" I asked hesitantly, my fingers now holding the ring over her left ring finger.

Bella nodded, tears forming in her eyes. "Yes, Edward, it's a 'yes'."

I slipped the ring onto her finger and took her chin in my hand bringing her mouth up to mine. We kissed lightly for a minute before breaking apart. I could tell as soon as I looked into Bella's eyes she was the happiest she had been in a long time. But she also had a question.

"When are we doing this?"

"Next week, I already spoke with the pastor at the church. He said he would do it, and our fathers would be witnesses."

"You planned all of this already? Without knowing what my answer would be."

"I knew what your answer would be, and if you don't want to do this now, we don't have to. It's just…when I was talking with your father and mine yesterday about this your dad told me something about you. Something that I don't know you're aware of, but he's picked up on it and I think he's right, Bella."

"What is it?"

"You need security in your life. You've lived so long without any definite road to walk down, without much stability. And your dad thinks this would be the best thing for you. To have someone there you know you can count on, who you know will be there for you no matter what."

"Sounds like he was feeling guilty."

I nodded. "He was, and he told me not to try and talk him out of it. He has a lot to deal with in his head and a lot of emotions to sort out. He also knows its going to take a very long time for you to forgive him, and he understands that. He doesn't expect you to get over everything that's happened in the last few years over night."

Bella responded with silence. She simply looked down at her ring and then back up at me and smiled softly. "I have nothing to wear."

"You'll come up with something. You could wear your normal, everyday clothes and walk down the aisle in them and I would be satisfied."

"Are we telling anyone else?"

"Not right now, I want to keep this between the four of us that know. It won't be easy to hide from Jasper since we'll be on the same campus and most likely be hanging out."

"I'm glad we got the same housing, even if it is different buildings."

"Yeah, but they're not that far apart. Only a five minute walk."

Bella hummed and snuggled a little closer to me, pressing her head against my chest. "Are you sure about this, Edward?" She asked.

"I'm absolutely certain. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Bella. And I don't want to wait forever to start it."

"But you don't feel that we'd be rushing into it?"

"Do you not want to do this, Bella?" I asked, tipping her face up so I could look into her eyes.

"I do, Edward, yes. I've just…you're right. Well, my dad is. I need security, but not the security of stability. I just need you." She pressed herself even closer to me wrapping both of her arms around me. "You make me feel so safe. And I can't live without that, without you."

I leaned down and kissed her gently on the forehead. "As of next Tuesday you won't have to worry about that anymore. I'll be yours forever."

"Good," Bella yawned and was soon fast asleep, her head under my chin. I pulled the blanket over us and switched the lamp off on the nightstand before wrapping an arm around her.

Within a few minutes I was fast asleep as well, but not before I placed one more kiss on Bella's forehead and whispered, "I love you,"

LoM

"I, Isabella Marie Swan do take Edward Anthony Cullen to be my wedded husband from this day forth as long as we both shall live." Bella smiled through her tears as she slid the simple white gold band onto my finger and then looked up at me, a couple tears slipping free.

I took her hand in mine now and repeated the words back to her. "I, Edward Anthony Cullen do take Isabella Marie Swan to be my wedded wife from this day forth as long as we both shall live." I slid a smaller white gold band onto her finger where it fit snugly against her engagement ring. We didn't need to say any other words beyond what was spoken. We had made those promises a long time ago.

Once minister Webber pronounced us I took Bella's face in my hands and kissed her as passionately as I could without being inappropriate. "I love you, Mrs. Cullen." I whispered, pressing my forehead to hers.

Bella smiled, "I love you, too, Mr. Cullen."

We walked back up the aisle hand in hand, our fathers staying behind to talk with the minister for a minute. I wasn't complaining. As soon as I had Bella out in the privacy of the darkened vestibule I pressed her against the closest wall and started to kiss her like I wanted to the moment she was declared my wife.

It didn't take us long to lose ourselves. My tongue delved into her mouth and she clutched at my hair. I cupped one breast through the thin material of her cream colored dress, smiling at the moan I elicited from her.

"I can't wait to get you alone." I growled in her ear, and then began sucking on her neck.

"I can't wait to be alone with you." Bella panted in response. She groped around for something, her hand coming to rest on my belt. Just as her fingers began to flick it open we heard the sound of three approaching male voices and broke apart.

We had only just righted our clothes when they appeared through the doorway. But both of us had mussed hair and it didn't take long before both my father and Bella's gave us knowing smiles. They continued on their way out to wait for us in my father's car.

"I wish you two the best of luck." Minister Webber remarked as he passed us on the way to his office.

"Thank you, for everything." Bella smiled. He returned it and walked toward the hallway leading away from the entrance hall. As soon as we were alone again I swooped Bella up in my arms and twirled her a couple times before setting her down.

"You think the thirteenth was an unlucky day to get married?" I asked her as we headed toward the bride's room to get changed.

"No, I think today was the perfect day." She shut the door behind us and grinned at me. "And tonight is going to be even more perfect."

"Speaking of which," I removed my jacket and tie and hung them up in the garment bag we had shared. "My father is sending us away for a week."

Bella looked up as she stepped out of her dress. I hadn't wanted her to take it off, but she was right when she reminded me of what I said about keeping our marriage between us for now. She pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I changed into jeans as well and untucked the t-shirt I had on under my dress shirt.

"Where?" Bella asked as she did up her sneakers.

"Just a little place he and mom used to go to in the early years of their marriage. It's nice, I promise you'll like it."

Bella made sure everything was hung properly in the garment bag before zipping it up. "You swear?"

"I can't do that hear." I motioned to the space around us although I was indicating the church.

"But it's ok to feel me up in the vestibule?" She quirked an eyebrow at me playfully.

"You'll love it." I took the garment bag from her and slipped an arm around her waist as we walked out. "Now lets go, our fathers are waiting to take us to the airport."

"We're leaving right now?"

"Do you want to wait till later? Mind you you'll have to wait even longer at that point before we can be alone to consummate our marriage."

Bella sighed dramatically, but I knew she was faking it. "No, we can go now. If you insist."

I held the car door open for her then slid in next to her laying the garment bag across our laps. My dad asked if we were ready and I told him yes and that the suitcases were already in the trunk.

I looked up noticing Bella's father watching us in the mirror. His and his daughter's eyes met for a moment, and I knew they were saying a silent goodbye. After today they wouldn't see each other again until Thanksgiving. Charlie Swan, I knew, was not a man to allow his emotions to show, but I could tell he was going to miss his daughter. And I could tell from the expression on his face as he had walked her down the aisle not an hour ago that he loved her very much.

"Ready for the rest of our lives to begin?" I asked as my father pulled the car away from the church.

"I thought they already had."

I smiled and slipped my hand around Bella's neck bringing her closer to me and pressed my lips against hers. She was right. They already had.


	23. Honeymoon Outtake

**Outtake, revised**

**I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

After we had waved goodbye to our fathers at the airport in Port Angeles, I took Bella's hand and led her inside. We checked in for our short flight to Canada, waited in line to get through security and then sat and waited some more at our gate. We still had at least an hour before our flight was boarding, so Bella headed off to change from her street clothes into something more comfortable to travel in.

Where we were heading for a week was rather cold, and I had told her to be ready for it when we got there. She came back dressed in long black leggings and a knee-length sweater dress. Much more comfortable to sit in for a couple hours than the skinny jeans she had been wearing.

"You look beautiful," I whispered as she sat back down next to me. I leaned over so I could kiss my wife, something I had been wanting to do again since we had gotten in the car, but it felt weird for some reason in front of our fathers.

"So are you going to tell me where in Canada we're going?"

I shook my head. "You'll see."

"I hate surprises."

"You'll like this one."

"Just a little hint,"

I couldn't deny her that, I couldn't deny her anything but I wanted to see the look on her face when we got there. "It's my dad's cabin that he got for him and my mother as an anniversary gift."

Bella looked slightly disappointed at the information I had given her, possibly hoping for a description or an exact location at the very least. But I wasn't going to give it away.

"You'll love it, Bella, trust me."

"I do, with everything."

I lifted my arm and wrapped it around her so she could lay her head on my shoulder. I could tell she was tired and I wanted her to rest. We still had some time before our flight boarded so I encouraged Bella to shut her eyes, but she was stubborn. She was determined to stay awake until we got to our destination.

"If you force yourself to stay awake the whole time then you'll be exhausted when we get there. And I have plans for when we get there."

Bella smiled up at me, albeit indignantly, but I could see the sparkle in her eyes. She was excited by the prospect of my 'plans', which is what I had intended. "Fine," she resigned and shut her eyes.

"Hey," I caught her as she peeked up at me a couple minutes later. "Rest," Bella shut her eyes again and a few minutes later I felt her grow heavy against my side, indicating that she was fast asleep.

I rubbed her side and her back periodically to keep her relaxed and pressed light kisses to the top of her head. I noticed another couple across from us, sitting a seat apart with a backpack between them. Obviously in a tiff, considering that the guy was reading a newspaper, acting as if his female companion didn't exist. But she was looking at me and Bella with sadness and longing on her face.

I averted my gaze and continued to hold Bella against me as she slept. I noticed her left hand was placed against my chest. Seeing the rings on her finger made me smile and I glanced at my own for a moment. I still couldn't believe we had made it to this point. I never thought Bella would agree. But here we were, married for only a few hours, waiting to escape from real life for a week. Just to be with each other.

I woke her gently when our flight was called, laughing because she was unwilling to move. I grabbed a handle from each suitcase, pulling them along behind us as I walked behind Bella. I let her slide in to her seat first at the window while I stowed our bags then sat down next to her.

Bella wrapped both hands around my arm and laid her head against my chest until we took off. As soon as the seatbelt sign went back off, she snuggled in against me and fell back asleep. To pass the time I had brought a book, but I pulled out the information for school that my father and I had had changed recently.

Up until the beginning of August Bella and I had both been planning on an east coast college, we were signed up for classes and had housing, but that had changed last week. Over the past couple weeks my dad and I had been calling UW to get information transferred and to get Bella and I into housing, any housing.

In the end, with my father's influence, we had gotten everything transitioned from Harvard to UW, got schedules set up for Bella and I, and housing secured. I was beyond ecstatic when the administration for student housing informed me that two beds had become available in the brand new apartments. Bella and I would be within walking distance of each other. I knew Jasper was in the same housing, but I didn't know which building he was in. He had managed to snag a bed in the new apartments at the last moment thanks to his baseball scholarship.

I checked over everything once more, noticing that Bella and I would be in a couple classes together for the fall. Because we had switched so late we were left with the dregs of classes that typically only freshman sign up for, which screwed me being an education major, but was helpful to Bella since she was double majoring. We would be sharing a dance class and history class together. I noticed also that Bella's name had been changed from 'Swan' to 'Cullen' on her papers. It made me smile.

Our flight wasn't long and we landed a little over two hours later just outside of Vancouver. I kept my arm around Bella as we walked out of the airport to get a cab. She was still drowsy, shaking slightly from the obvious temperature change. It had been cool in Port Angeles, tolerable. Bella shook again next to me in the cab, her body adjusting to the warm interior from the cold outside.

"We're here," I whispered to her as we pulled into the long driveway leading up to the cabin. Bella sat up and looked out the window with interest.

"Wow," her breath formed a small cloud on the inside of the window. "It's beautiful, Edward."

"I knew you would love it."

Our driver was kind enough to carry the suitcases to the door, which I tipped him for. I unlocked the door with the key my father had given me, pushed it open, and then promptly scooped Bella up into my arms to carry her inside first.

"Whoa, I was not expecting that." She giggled as we stepped over the threshold.

"I'm nothing if not thorough."

"Well, lets hope you're thorough in every aspect tonight." She whispered, her fingers sliding not so subtlety down my chest. She popped open the first couple buttons on my shirt.

"Patience, Mrs. Cullen." I set her down and went to grab the bags and take them upstairs. When I got back I noticed Bella had started walking around and was examining the interior.

Despite that my father had bought this cabin with the intention of family vacations, he had kept it updated over the years, even admitting to me that he loaned it out at times to various coworkers. He had originally gotten it for my mother knowing her love her of interior decorating, and it had been her dream to turn this cabin in to a place that I would want to bring my own family to someday.

Only a couple years ago he had had an extension built on to the house at the back that now enclosed a heated pool. That was where I found Bella, standing at the doorway to the glass room, overlooking the pool.

"It's really beautiful here," She sighed as I came to stand next to her.

"The only time I was here I was too young to remember anything. But it does have a certain charm."

"Mm," Bella nodded her head in agreement as I wove my fingers through her short hair.

"Why don't you go freshen up a little, I'll turn the pool on and get the water warm."

"Are we going for a swim?"

"If you want to."

"Yeah, that would be nice."

"Ok," I leaned in and kissed her forehead. "The master bedroom is the first room on the right at the top of the stairs. Come back down when you're ready."

"I won't be long." Bella promised.

I watched her go, noticing she was already undoing the belt around her sweater dress as she disappeared upstairs. Before heading to the pool I traced my steps back to the living room and checked the temperature on the thermostat. It was set for a comfortable 70 , but would no doubt be adjusted in the following days.

I wandered back to the enclosed pool to locate the controls for the internal heaters, finding them just off the wall and clearly labeled. Go figure. The pool itself was not that large, not like the pool in the backyard of my house. It was round, about four feet deep, and could comfortable seat 8-10 people around the edges.

I watched as it began to fill with warm water, my thoughts drifting to Bella upstairs. I wondered if she was freaking out, and if she was, I was curious to know what would scare her right now. Perhaps because the next time we had sex it would be as husband and wife. The thought produced a wave of anxiety through my body and I was suddenly overcome with the need to please Bella as my _bride_. It was our wedding night after all.

I began to undress realizing that my bathing shorts were upstairs in my suitcase. Oops, I hadn't considered that when I took the suitcases upstairs. I wondered briefly if Bella was planning on wearing a suit. I finished removing my clothes, leaving them on one of the lounge chairs, and climbed into the pool naked.

The water temperature was nearly perfect, it still needed a couple minutes, but it was warm enough to wade in without clothes on. I turned the jets on, but kept them low, creating enough bubbles to cover my lower half from exposure and turned to look out the window at the night sky.

There was a crescent moon in the sky hanging between two tall pines with a scattering of visible stars around it. A few puffy clouds, bleached white by the light reflected off the moon, drifted across the visible surface sluggishly.

I didn't turn when I heard movement behind me, knowing it could only be Bella. There was the sound of something thin fluttering to the floor and then I heard her step into the water. "It's a beautiful night, isn't it?" She asked me.

I turned to face her, noticing that she was bare as well. I glanced back to where I heard her come in and saw a thin, white robe laying on the floor. It looked to be very see-through, and I wanted the chance to appreciate the garment on her body, but for now I would appreciate it being _off_.

"Not with you next to me in comparison." I responded to her comment.

Bella blushed furiously, the rosy color travelling down to her chest. I did my best to keep my eyes from drifting, but she was my wife now, and we should be used to being naked with each other by now. How many times had we showered together in the past?

But tonight was different. Tonight was about us. Tonight was about taking that next step together as husband and wife.

I reached out taking Bella's waist in one hand, drawing her to me. She inched closer in the warm water, reaching up to loop her arms around my neck. I enclosed her body in the circle of my arms, lifting her up so she could wrap her legs around my waist. We stood in the center of the pool where the water was deepest and it would be easiest for what we were about to do.

I noticed that she was shaking slightly and I offered to turn the temperature of the water up a little more.

"I'm not cold, Edward." Bella whispered.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm just…" She bit her bottom lip in that adorable way when she was nervous.

I reached up to run my fingers through her hair. "Don't be afraid, Bella, we belong together." I told her confidently, squeezing her waist.

"Forever,"

"Forever," I promised. I lifted her a bit more, just enough to give her the room to reach down between us and position my erection at her entrance.

I let out a long, loud sigh as I brought her down, joining our bodies together for the first time as wedded partners. Bella let her head fall back, her thighs tightening around my hips significantly.

"I love you,"

It tumbled from my lips as a strangled gasp the first time Bella pivoted her hips against mine.

"I love you," Bella repeated it as a shudder ran through her body. It caused wonderful sensations where we were connected, but I worried that she was too cold and started to lower back into the water a bit.

"Better?"

"Yes,"

I leaned in and kissed her passionately, beginning to move the two of us together. The water sloshed around us, the bubbles scattering as we rocked back and forth. Bella locked her arms around my neck, leaning in to me as she pushed her hips into mine.

As we moved together in the water I was aware of every twitch in her muscles, every shift of her body against mine. I was lost in the feeling of being wholly wrapped up in her body so completely. No matter how I tried I couldn't bring her any closer, and I wanted her closer, _needed_ her.

Our pace picked up after I don't know how long. We matched each other thrust for thrust, the warm water swishing around us in little waves. I had one of the jets at my back, the stream of water hitting me just above my ass. It felt great, but it was distracting.

I turned us so Bella and I were now back in the center of the pool. She moaned into my neck as she leaned forward, her hands twisting tightly in my hair. I was so close now.

"I love you, Edward." Bella picked her head up looking at me directly.

"I love you," I panted back.

"Forever," Bella whispered, leaning in so her lips were close to mine.

"Forever," I repeated, my motions slowing.

Bella closed the space between us kissing me passionately. I felt her hand ghost down the length of my body stopping where we were connected. I grunted as she gently fingered my shaft forcing my hips to buck forward, so I buried myself back in her body. It was the most intense sensation I had ever felt in my life and it pushed me over the edge. I had the good sense to pull out as my body shook with spasms. Bella shook in my arms with her own release, sighing softly as her head fell to my shoulder.

We collapsed into the water together, falling on to one of the seats around the edge of the pool. "Wow," Bella exhaled, staring up at me. I was supporting myself on my arms. Her legs were still wrapped around my waist, her arms around my neck.

"Wow is right," I repeated, still panting from the exertion of our lovemaking.

"So does this mean its official?" She half grinned, chewing on her bottom lip in that endearing way.

"Yeah, its official." I swept some damp hair off her forehead and leaned in to kiss her. It was sweet, not passionate. I lifted her up off the seat and carried her out of the water. Bella let herself down slowly onto a lounge chair and I, still naked, wrapped her up in one of the big fluffy towels.

She waited for me while I wrapped a towel around my waist and shut the pool off. I was going to have to tell my dad it needed cleaning after we left. That was sure to be an interesting conversation.

I carried Bella upstairs to the master bathroom where we washed each other off. We then retreated to the bedroom, naked, and stayed up the rest of the night worshipping each other until the very early hours of the morning. It was the best night of my life. And it was made even better by the fact that it was all in celebration of Bella and I.

I didn't know if it was morning or afternoon when I woke up, and I didn't care. I could feel Bella's hand drifting up and down my chest, and then stopping over my heart. I cracked one eye open to see her sitting up in bed, dressed in a white baby doll, gazing down at me as she watched me sleep.

She smiled and lay down beside me on her side as I rolled on to mine so we were facing each other. I reached out to cup the side of her face and pulled her in for a kiss. "Good morning, wife." I whispered to her, smiling against her mouth.

"Good morning," She whispered back, returning my smile. We continued to kiss for several minutes, each one growing more passionate. We didn't get out of bed for another hour or so, too caught up in each other. Nothing was rushed or hurried. We had all the time in the world, or so it felt.

When we did finally get up, we showered together, quickly since Bella was starving, and made our downstairs to find some food. It was morning, according to the clock on the stove. Late morning, closer to lunchtime.

"Is that what I think it is?" Bella asked as I pulled a dark glass bottle from the fridge, and got down two champagne flutes from the cabinet.

"Maybe. I asked my dad if he wouldn't mind making sure there was a bottle in the fridge, and he knew what I meant. But this isn't champagne." I popped the bottle open, which made Bella jump from the stool she was sitting on at the island counter.

"What is it then?" she asked as I handed her a glass.

"Prosecco, you'll like the bubbles."

Bella took a little sip and hummed in approval, eyeing me over the rim of her glass. "I like the bubbles."

She continued to sip the sparkling drink as I made us brunch. She eyed me as I flipped French toast and drizzled it with syrup and sprinkled chocolate chips on top. I cut up some strawberries and a banana to go with it then sat down placing a plate in front of her.

"So what is this dance class we're signed up for?" Bella asked taking a huge bite of her food.

"Ballroom dancing, I think."

Bella grimaced. "Ugh, I don't think I can do that."

"Well, you don't have much of a choice now, dear. As history majors we both have an art requirement to meet, and I think it's better to get it out of the way as soon as possible. Don't you think?"

"I can't dance."

"Don't worry, I…sort of…can. I'll lead and you follow."

Bella glanced up at me from her plate, a toying smile on her face. "I thought that's what we had been doing since the beginning."

"Don't give me that face yet. I'm not done eating."

Bella continued to stare at me with hooded eyes for several moments. She picked up her fork and brought it to her lips ever so slowly where she began licking off the excess syrup.

"Don't," I warned her, my tone low.

She proceeded to get up from the table and began to walk from the kitchen. With one motion she tossed her hair and looked back at me over her shoulder. "I'll be upstairs waiting. But don't take too long or I might get started without you."

"Oh, that's it." I put my fork down and jumped up from the table, my food forgotten. Bella shrieked as I made a grab for her and chased her upstairs to the bedroom.

LoM

By day four there wasn't a room left in the cabin that we hadn't made love in. Well, except the guest bedrooms. It would have been too much work to change the sheets on four beds before going home. We kept the bedroom intimacy limited to the master room for that reason. Well, that and the master bed was the largest.

It was a nice enough afternoon to take a walk through the surrounding woods and the nature trails up here. Bella spotted the lake in the distance, but it was far too cold to go near the water. She would have been freezing even if we brought a blanket.

We stopped around 2 in the afternoon and started to head back. Bella was starving and we hadn't brought lunch with us. I had thought about it this morning, but it was a little cold, the temperature hovering around 40. Back at the cabin I had set the thermostat for 70, and I had left a fire in the living room fireplace this morning.

"I have a great idea." I said to Bella as I helped her over the fallen log we had passed earlier.

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"How about a picnic in the living room by the fire when we get back?"

"Mmm, how romantic. What will you be feeding me?"

I laughed out loud. I loved Bella with all my heart. The way she said it made a bubble of happiness erupt in my chest and I laughed even harder. I hugged her to my side and kissed her cheek.

Before sending us away to the cabin, my dad had made sure the kitchen and pantry were well stocked with food. We weren't planning on going in to the small town a few miles back down the road, so we would be cooking all week. Which was perfectly fine with us both.

Last night we had made a roast chicken and there was still plenty left over to pick on. I cleaned off the carcass and stored it in the fridge to cook down into stock tomorrow. Soup sounded like such a good idea here.

Bella picked up the living room while I put lunch together. When I came out from the kitchen with a tray I noticed she had dimmed the lights a little and placed candles on the coffee table and end tables. She had the brown blanket from the couch laid out in front of the fireplace.

After lunch we sat out on the enclosed porch and watched the rain that had started to fall. There was something peaceful in the sound of it as drops hit the ground, or leaves up in the trees. Everything else was quiet around us except for the soft patter of water hitting dirt.

"I don't want to leave," Bella stretched out beside me on the wicker bench placing her feet in my lap.

"I don't want to either." I sighed as I began to rub her feet. Bella vibrated with laughter as I hit her tickle spot on the bottom of her foot. "But unfortunately we have to in a couple days. We still need to pack for college."

"Ugh…don't mention that. I'm not ready to move away yet."

"It's only for nine months out of the year."

"Only nine months…Plus we'll be living with complete strangers."

"You'll get to know them."

"What if I told you I didn't want to get to know them. I just want to be with you."

"I would say that's very romantic, but meeting and getting to know new people is part of living away at college."

"Ok, dad."

I winked at Bella and she pulled her feet back. "Don't be a smartass." I told her. "Nobody likes a smartass."

"You do,"

"Yeah, I do." I moved across the space between us on the bench and laid down atop her, trapping her against the blanket. Bella giggled and tried effortlessly to move me off, but I knew she was enjoying this.

We started to make out, letting the passion build slowly. Within a few minutes we moved inside and upstairs to the bedroom where we stayed until past dinnertime. Bella threw the meal together this time, bringing it upstairs while still wearing my button down.

"I hope grilled cheese and tomato soup is ok."

"Sounds perfect."

We sat in the middle of the bed feeding each other bites of food and playing cards. In a few weeks when we moved away to the UW campus I knew we would be having nights just like this one. In fact I would make sure we did.

"So, when we have to leave in a couple days will you give me a guarantee that we come back next summer, but for longer?" Bella asked as we lay facing each other, curled up on the pillows at the head of the bed.

"Like for an anniversary trip?"

Bella nodded slowly, "Mm hm,"

I reached out lacing our fingers together and started stroking the back of her hand with my thumb. "I was thinking of taking you some place different, but if you want to come back here, we can come back here."

"Where exactly were you thinking of taking me?"

"Oh, I can't tell you that, it would ruin the surprise."

Bella grabbed the pillow she was leaning on and thumped me on the side of the head with it. "Party pooper." She muttered as she rolled on to her back and folded her arms across her chest.

"I love you," I whispered, nuzzling up to her.

She rolled over into my arms and pressed her head under my chin. "And I love you,"


End file.
